


it's a deal

by laiguanlins



Series: love me [1]
Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Deephwi, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Humor, Internalized Homophobia, Jinseob, M/M, Mild Homophobic Language, Multi, Ongniel, PanWink - Freeform, Tooth Rotting Fluff, mentions eating disorders, slowburn, smut for ongniel bc panwink and jinhwi are babies ok, they just rly disliked each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-22 01:18:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 58,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11956686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laiguanlins/pseuds/laiguanlins
Summary: "So you'll be my fake boyfriend if I play the piano for free at your stupid dance showcase, right?"Yeah, it's a deal"





	1. o n e

For two weeks, Jihoon's heard the same melody played on some piano he's never had a gimplse of as he danced

 

Perhaps dancing in the gym's abandoned basement room _wasn't_ the best idea, but it's the near best option he's got, since his gym can't afford a dance studio, and he's got a showcase coming up soon

 

But he always appreciated the beautiful melody played by a mysterious person from a room he could never locate, the sound from which he swayed his body along the music to.

 

It frightened and excited Jihoon, the mysterious piano player could be a murderer for all he knows, _but hey_ , at least he's getting free music, _if_ that makes sense. Obviously it made him frustrated after a non consecutive 5 days in the last two weeks hearing someone play the piano, but not pin pointing the face behind the music, nor finding the room from where it was played 

 

_It was almost like he was being watched_

 

Regardless, whoever was behind the piano, they played beautifully, and it helped Jihoon relax and dance, preparing for his big show, it's unfortunate he won't be able to use those songs, since he didn't know the songs, nor the person who played the piano 

 

He put his music on, stretching, nearly toppling over when he heard some piano keys being played, Jihoon wanted to find out who was playing those keys

 

Safety first though, carrying some metal rod he'd found along with the rusty items abandoned in the basement, he followed the noise with light steps, the chords seemed to stop as he continued to walk further

 

_What the fuck_

 

Guess he was going to have to find out another way, huffing as he ran upstairs to the front desk

 

"Jihoon, dear! Anything I can help you with?" the front desk lady smiled, at a panting Jihoon

 

Being a member of the gym for years, as he was teased for being a chubby kid, had its perks, the workers, old ladies kissed his ass for being adorable, which was why he was allowed into the abandoned basement in the first place, anwyays 

 

"I have a question...Uhm, do you guys by any chance have a piano in the basement?"

 

"A piano..? Hmm, ah! Yes, it's old and nasty, though? Perhaps broken, it wouldn't work if you tried-"

 

"Whereisit" Jihoon rushed upon hearing the answer

 

"Well it used to be a security room, before it stopped being used after the gym's budget cut and the basement was left at that...but I believe if you walk down the hallway, it should be in the second door, written security on the door!"

 

Alright. Sounded creepy, but Jihoon was willing to find the person, "by the way, why are you carrying a metal rod?"

 

_Fuck._

 

"Oh, I just tripped on accidentally so I moved it out of the way, not realizing to put it back, aha..."

 

"Be careful dear! Off you go"

 

"Thank you!" he bowed, running back downstairs, gripping onto the metal rod, light footsteps towards the security door

 

Everything looked nasty, Jihoon took account of, as he shuffled closer towards the door, he heard some rustling from inside

 

So there was someone in there

 

He held onto his rod tighter, "I know someone's in there, don't try to run, I'll h-hurt you!" 

 

Jihoon was expecting some monster, instead he heard some high pitched laughter from inside, furrowing his brows, he barged in the door 

 

"I swear I'll hurt you!" Jihoon screamed as he got inside the room, shutting his eyes, aiming for a random direction

 

Opening his eyes slightly, he didn't expect to see a rather tall boy, around his age, maybe older, standing with his arms crossed

 

"Who the fuck are you?" Jihoon spat

 

"No one" the boy rolled his eyes 

 

" _You're_ the creepy bastard who's been playing the piano in this room all this time? Why'd you stop everytime I tried finding the sound?" Jihoon fumed, clearly taken back by the situation he was in

 

"Me? Creepy bastard? I'm just playing the piano, enjoying my time, you're the creepy bastard dancing to my melodies"

 

"H-how do you know I danced to them!"

 

"This is a security, no, was a security room, there's still working footage here, so with this little security camera, I saw your dumbass dance to my music, everytime you walked near, I stopped. I've gotta say, it's quite funny watching you become flustered not knowing where the sound's from, took you long enough to find me though," the boy let out an annoying laugh, clearly mocking Jihoon

 

"So you're telling me, you've been watching me dance for the past two weeks, like a creep! A-and you were okay with that?"

 

"Listen kid, I'm just playing this piano for free, and you happen to be dancing, trust me, if I could break the piece of shit to avoid seeing you dance, I would, but unfortunately I can't, since it's the gym's"

 

Okay, _rude_

 

"I'm. Not. A . Kid. I'm 19!" Jihoon grew furious by the second, wanting to slap the arrogant boy in front of him

 

"Shit" the other boy muttered

 

"What?" Jihoon spat

 

"Nothing, you look like a 12 year old, yet you're older than me," the taller boy casually spoke, shrugging his shoulders 

 

"So not only are you a creep, but you're a disrespectful one? I'm older than you-"

 

"Listen, _dancer-ssi_ , I'm not a creep, and _no one_ in their right mind would've guessed that you're older than me, but we've got that cleared out by now, so can you stop being annoying and leave?"

 

Well, it's not like Jihoon could do anything more either, and for some reason he was really pissed at the younger, but he didn't exactly know why. The boy just irked him, and it bothered him more than anything 

 

"So are you gonna stare at my handsome face all day, or move, _hyung_?" the boy smiled innocently, god Jihoon wanted to punch him

 

"You're so fucking-" before Jihoon could curse the boy

 

"Sexy, I know, now leave" the younger cut him off, "full of shit!" Jihoon completed

 

About to open his mouth, to snap at the boy, the taller boy cut him off, once again with a mischievous annoying smirk

 

_"Lai Guanlin, 17, and not full of shit, remember the name the next time you move those hips to my melodies"_


	2. t w o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG HEY !!! two updates in one day?? it's almost 5am omg bye the next chaps will be much longer i'll try 3k ahhh so much drama coming up and stuff deepwhi so cute :((

It was safe to say Jihoon was stubborn, and wouldn't go to the gym after his encounter with Guanlin, or as Jihoon simultaneously nicknamed him as _bastard_

 

It definitely suited his character, Jihoon thought as he came up with the nickname, dancing with more aggression as he thought back to the boy again, with his stupid face, and his stupid smirk

 

"Jihoon, I love you, I really do, but can you please turn that crap off and stop practicing in my room, what's a kid got to do to get some sleep?" Daehwi dramatically threw his hands in the air, kicking his feet in the air

 

"I have a showcase coming up Daehwi, be a supportive best friend and let me practice" Jihoon huffed, ignoring Daehwi's complaints and obscure noises

 

"Why don't you just practice at the gym? I've listened to so much of your piano music crap, I feel like I've impregnated Beethoven's babies!" 

 

Jihoon would not go to the gym, he definitely didn't want to dance to the beautiful chords played by the ugly arrogant bastard, "I can't go to the gym, my uhm membership ended"

 

"Shut up, you've been going for 5 years, Jihoonie please, do this at your room, on the street, on the roof, in the bathroom, I don't care, just _anywhere_ but here!"

 

With a loud groan, and a middle finger thrown at Daehwi, who accepted it with disgustingly cute aegyo, Jihoon walked out his roommate/best friend's room, mentally preparing himself to go to the gym or literally kill himself

 

"Honestly, fuck that guy. I shouldn't blow my chances or practice time just because of that fuckface, right? Right Jihoon! Jihoonie fighting!" the boy talked to himself, staring at his reflection on his mirror, "god I'm so weird..."

+

"Jihoon-ah, you're back! Did you get sick? You haven't been here for 4 days"

 

"Hello Lee-ssi, I just had some issues to take care of, I'm healthy, thank you" the boy bowed, wanting to avoid conversation, and rush quickly to the basement without being stopped by the workers every two seconds

 

"Well you look like you're in a rush, I'll let you off"

 

Thankfully, he rushed downstairs, cautiously walking past the security room, heart racing at the thought of the boy, even wondering if he was there, _watching_ him. The thought of the taller boy monitoring Jihoon's practices, made Jihoon not only anxious, but very much flustered

 

Jihoon knew he wasn't the best, but he knew he wasn't terrible either. But someone he barely knew watching him, bothered him, like he's being teased behind his back, and knowing Guanlin's character so far, he probably does laugh 

 

Ignoring his thoughts, he set his bag aside, flickering the lights to the nasty and dusty room, getting in position, "you got this Jihoon, focus on the prize, the praise" he told himself, as he took in a deep breath, getting immersed into the music

 

Twists and turns, jump and splits, toppling and falling, minor injuries here and there, he continued to go beyond his limits, until he heard the same beautiful chords playing over his iPhone music

 

_Guanlin was here_

 

Jihoon could only freeze, he wanted to dance along to the music Guanlin played, as much as he hated to admit it, the boy was talented, and his pieces were simply magical

 

Besides, it'd be hard to dance to his music, as his iPhone volume could only be so high, due to the shitty abandoned basement, with no outlets, he couldn't bring a speaker, so Guanlin's piano automatically was heard over his music

 

But Jihoon didn't care, he still wanted to dance to Guanlin's piece, shaking the shameless thoughts out of his mind, slowly swaying his hips to the chords. He was so into the music, he hadn't realized that it stopped, especially when he heard a laughter behind him

 

Speaking of the devil, "you're quite shameless aren't you, _hyung_?" The same sickenly sweet voice struck Jihoon's mind, causing him to stop his body, turning around to be face to face with the person he dreads to see

 

"Dissing me yesterday, yet you'll still dance whenever I play, hmm" the boy shook his head, a smirk played on those stupid lips, "what the fuck do you want fuckface"

 

"Woah, calm down tiger-hyung" the boy laughed harder, making Jihoon grow angrier by the second, "what's your name beautiful?"

 

_B-beautiful?_

 

Is this boy mad? Had he really called Jihoon beautiful? No, he's probably teasing again like always, soon he'll probably make pig jokes about Jihoon

 

"I'm not telling you shit, now fuck off I have to practice"

 

"Well alright, Jihoon hyung" the boy chirped, turning his heel

 

How the fuck does he know his name? 

 

"You're thinking out loud by the way, and your water bottle says 'don't touch Daehwi, this is mine- Jihoon'" the boy remarked, hearing Jihoon's outburst, that was meant to be on his mind

 

"A-are those pieces yours?" Jihoon suddenly asked, making the younger boy stop on his tracks, "what?"

 

"Those pieces, the music you play, are those yours?" Jihoon repeated, for the first time initiating conversation, and being polite, "uh yeah, I uhm composed them"

 

Jihoon nodded, acknowledging the younger, "why? do you wanna diss my compositions?" 

 

_God, why's he so defensive, I literally breathed_

 

"No, they're uhm really pretty"

 

"Pretty?" The tall boy asked in disbelief, Jihoon thrown off at the fact that the younger can't take praise and even judges compliments, "talking to you makes me want to fucking choke myself"

 

"Keep the choking kinks for someone else," mouth wide at the younger's remark, the very sexual remark

 

"You little piece of-"

 

"I think _you're_ the little one here, _hyungie_ " Guanlin pouted, replaced with a sly smirk soon after 

 

+

 

"Jinyoung hyung! Get me the double chocolate raspberry ice cream please" Daehwi dragged his best friend out to the shops, now demanding ice cream, in his mind seeing their time spent together as a date 

 

Yes, Daehwi developed feelings for his best friend, a sickenly big crush, could even call it love since it's been over a year

 

Sometimes, he himself wondered if Jinyoung would feel the same way, seeing as how close they are, and the skinship among the both of them, even their friends tease them for being a couple, to which only Daehwi could _wish_ was reality 

 

"Give me a kiss on the cheek then" Jinyoung boldly stated, walking along the pavement 

 

Cleary not what Daehwi was expecting, and flustered from his remark, "hyung! We can't do that out here, there's people here"

 

"So what? It's just a kiss" the boy shrugged casually, continuing the walk

 

He's right, it _is_ just a kiss, but they were walking in the streets of Seoul. They weren't in places like America. They were walking on streets filled with couples, boy and girl, and they'd definitely get nasty stares, if two men kissed each other on the cheek

 

But somehow, replaying Jinyoung's words, he didn't care

 

_"So what? It's just a kiss"_

 

"Okay, kisses for Jinyoungie, but I want the ice cream now" Daehwi hugged Jinyoung, clinging onto his side, the warmth always making Daehwi crave for more

 

Sometimes he wishes he could grab Jinyoung's small pretty face, and smoosh his lips onto his best friend's without a single care in the world, just the two of them, madly in love

 

"Atta boy," Jinyoung giggled, ruffling Daehwi's hair, "ah Daehwi-oppa's gonna kiss me!" Jinyoung mocked, imitating a very annoying high pitched girl's voice; a fangirl 

 

"Aish, shut up"

 

"Yah respect me, I'm getting that ice cream for you in case you forgot, I could kindly ask the workers to add a topping of their spit my lovely Daehwi-ah" Jinyoung smirked, earning an eye roll from Daehwi, who soon smiled, unable to resist anything Jinyoung does

 

"Oh oppa, what would I do without you?" Daehwi played back, in front of the ice cream man, who looked between Jinyoung and Daehwi, Jinyoung blushing from Daehwi's comment, "shut up dumbass"

 

"Ouch"

 

"Here, your ice cream- ah ah, my kiss first" Jinyoung smirked, holding the cup in the air, Daehwi staring at him in disbelief, "so you weren't joking about the kiss?"

 

"When do I ever joke?"

 

"I mean you're literally a joke- Hey don't spit on it, alright I'll kiss you!" Daehwi giggled, suddenly becoming shy

 

Reality hitting Daehwi, that he's about to publicly kiss another man, and that man is none other than his crush, and best friend Jinyoung

 

"Anytime now, Daehwi" Jinyoung groaned, Daehwi eyeing the slowly melting ice cream

 

Shyly bringing his face near Jinyoung's smaller one, a soft lingering peck onto his cheek, feeling Jinyoung's lips twirl up into a small smile, "see? That wasn't hard, now was it?"

 

Daehwi finally opened his eyes, watching his surroundings, eyeing the people around him

 

_Wow everyone seemed unfazed_

 

"Y-yeah wasn't hard"

 

_"If ice cream is all it takes to earn a Daehwi peck, I'll shower you with em"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> panwink ARE SO FUCKING CUTE !!! guanlin's so happy around jihoon omg y'all comment ur fav panwink moment or moments cause c'mon president of panwink fan club lai guanlin never fails us !!


	3. t h r e e

"Jihoon"

"What?"

 

The boy turned around to see Daehwi pouting with his brows knit together, "well are you gonna say anything...or?"

 

"Ugh, I'm so frustrated" the boy whined, shaking his body, "sexually?-" Jihoon teased, to which Daehwi threw a pillow at his face

 

"Fucking _rude_ , first of all, and what's wrong?" 

 

"I think I really like someone, but I can't be with them because it's nearly impossible," Daehwi breathed out, looking gloomy as ever, shoulders slumped, resembling a puppy on the verge of tears

 

"What's so impossible about it? Don't tell me you're in love with your cousin?"

 

"Ew, what the fuck Jihoon? I'm not white"

 

That took a turn, Jihoon sighed, walking over to Daehwi, sitting across from him, "Daehwi, I'm your best friend, talk to me, please?"

 

"You'll judge me, or worse, stop being my friend and hate me because you'll find me weird and disgusting for it"

 

Somehow, once those words were delivered, Jihoon seemed to have sensed what his best friend was hinting at, but hadn't made any assumptions yet, "Daehwi, you know how special you are to me? I don't remind you often, but you're the closest person to me, and you're so valuable to me, how could I ever hate you?" Jihoon spoke softly, hoping his words would comfort the younger

 

"Promise?"

 

"Promise"

 

The younger shrunk himself more, biting his lip in worry, before he opened his mouth, closing it again instantly, afraid to confess

 

"It's okay, take your time," Jihoon proceeded to comfort the boy, taking his hand in his, rubbing circles atop of his hand, "Jihoonie...Gosh why's this so hard" the boy mumbled

 

"It doesn't have to be hard, just talk to me casually like you always do, I'm the last person to judge you Lee Daehwi"

 

_"I like a boy"_

 

Jihoon was expecting it, just actually wasn't expecting those words to come out the younger's mouth, hoping it was just his mind. It's not like Jihoon was against the idea of people of the same gender being together, he just worried about how they aren't or wouldn't be accepted

 

"I-It's uhm, this boy I've been working with for like a little over a year with, his name's Jinyoung, he's like my best friend and I really really like him" the boy continued, breathing heavily, with a heavy heart too, "you don't hate me, right?"

 

"I don't hate you at all Daehwi, it's okay, I'm okay with this, are you okay with it?"

 

"Of course I'm okay! It's just, I can't just tell him that and lose our friendship, plus this isn't America, this isn't LA where I could freely walk around holding another man's hand. That's the harsh reality I'm not okay with" Truly, that hurt Jihoon to hear, knowing his best friend was suffering heartache and reality, afraid of the reactions and negativity the world would put down on him, simply because he liked a man instead of a girl, it just wasn't fair 

 

"If he hates you because you developed feelings for him, then he wasn't your best friend to begin with"

 

"But-"

 

"No Daehwi, they're just feelings, okay? Nothing harmful, if he's uncomfortable, he could tell you, and you'll eventually get over it, but to hate someone like you? _That's_ the fucked up part, not the fact that you like another boy. If you ever told me you liked me, fuck Daehwi, I'd be flattered, but I'd turn you down nicely since I'm straight-"

 

"I never said I'm gay, Jihoon"

 

Jihoon paused, cut off my Daehwi, tilting his head in confusion, "then what are you? Shit, that came out rude, but-"

 

Daehwi began giggling, "no, it's okay. I'm not gay, I've always found girls pretty, and I still do, he's the only boy I've ever liked, that doesn't automatically make me gay. I don't identify as that, and wouldn't prefer labels. He's not just any boy, he's my best friend, he's Jinyoung, and I l-like him, that's completely fine right?"

 

With a warm smile, Jihoon could only fondly nod his head at his best friend, "it's completely fine," attacked by Daehwi with a tight embrace, "thank you for not being weirded out, I kind of thought you were against that stuff, and would look down on me, but you didn't! I love you"

 

Jihoon hugged the younger back, just as tightly, ruffling his hair, Daehwi could be extremely cute at times, a truly endearing person, "yah! I could never be disgusted by you, I love you too," both boys feeling warm and fuzzy, sharing affection

 

"But...I wanna meet this Jinyoung boy, no one's dating my best friend without my approval-"

 

"We're not gonna date anyways, like I said, he's most likely straight, and would hate me if I ever confessed, so I'll keep a safe distance, I just wanted to see your reaction, and you don't seem to hate me, thankfully"

 

"That boy is gonna regret losing you, if you do confess and he doesn't like you back, also, does he ever give you signals that he likes you? Like any indications of too much affection?" Jihoon wondered, curious to how close their relationship _really_ is, in order for Daehwi to have developed feelings

 

Suddenly his questions were answered as soon as he saw Daehwi blush furiously, staring at his lap, "well well well" Jihoon laughed, tugging at Daehwi's sleeve, "spill the tea"

 

"He, uhm, I don't know, he was probably joking since he had to buy me ice cream, because boys joke like that, but he told me I had to kiss his cheek in order to get ice cream, and he made me kiss him publicly.."

 

" _Because boys joke like that?_ Daehwi, how many Korean boys go around asking their male friends for kisses? None! Yah, you're so stupid, he probably likes you too, aish you're so ridiculous, had me worried like this boy was a no skinship freak" Jihoon shook his head, in disbelief upon hearing Daehwi's words

 

"He wouldn't like me, that's crazy"

 

"What's crazy is the fact that you think he wouldn't like you, you're kind of hard to resist, since you're so god damn affectionate"

 

"Yah! you say it like you hate my aegyo!" Daehwi laughed, making faces at Jihoon, the elder pretending to gag and throw up

 

"Do you have a picture of him- Wait that's a dumb question, of course you'd have a picture of your lover"

 

"Shut up he's not my lover"

 

"So you don't like him?"

 

"No! I do like him" Daehwi immediately defended, taking his phone out

 

"That's him," the younger spoke fondly, smiling at the picture of the boy he's been infactuated with

 

_ baejinyoung _

_liked by daehwii and 130 others_

 

 **baejinyoung** black on black

 

Daehwi was expecting Jihoon to compliment the beautiful boy, but instead the elder blurted out "why's his face so fucking small"

 

"His beautiful face- and I don't know! But it's cute, he's so cute" Daehwi sighed, admiring the picture, "oh my god.." Jihoon spoke

 

"What?"

 

"You have his fucking post notifications on, god you're so embarrassing" The elder burst into fits of laughter, body thrown in many directions, the newfound information clearly humorous

 

"Shut up, he's cute and I wanna be the first person to witness his cuteness" the younger huffed, with a pout

 

"Right...anyways I still want to meet him, so arrange that, I'm gonna go out to get some beef bulgogi, I've been craving it"

 

"Okay, shoo, and bring me some too!"

 

+

 

"Will that be all sir?" the young cashier asked cautiously as Jihoon placed a massive order, for his massive appetite, the boy let out a nervous laughter, "Uhm yeah that'll be-"

 

"So sorry I need to help in the storage room, Guanlin-ah help this customer please, sorry for the inconvenience, he'll ring you up!" and the girl was off

 

_Guanlin?_

 

Jihoon shut his eyes, praying it wasn't the bastard from the gym, hoping his ears had deceived him, but he was wrong

 

"Hello sir- _oh it's you_ " the voice he dreaded to hear spoke in a bitter tone

 

"Is that how you talk to your customer?" Jihoon shot back, glaring at the younger boy, who seemed unfazed, "no, that's how I talk to the creepy midget who dances to my music, holy fuck are you feeding all of Korea, what's with all the food?" Guanlin spoke, small giggles escaping his mouth, but Jihoon wasn't amused, "you know I really can't fucking stand you, stop being such a brat and just tell me the total"

 

Yet another smirk was thrown at the shorter male, _"of course, princess"_ the taller male muttered, thinking Jihoon hadn't heard him, but he did

 

Jihoon shoved the money into the younger's hands, intending to be aggressive, but ended up awkwardly touching his long fingers

 

_Jihoon had such small fingers compared to the taller_

 

"And your name sir?" Guanlin asked in a playful tone, eyes hidden with mischievousness

 

Jihoon was so irritated, knowing the younger was acting this way to get on his nerves, knowing he god damn well knew his name, " _Ji. Hoon._ " the boy gritted through his teeth, while Guanlin innocently smiled, "and how do you spell that sir?"

 

_You're fucking with me_

 

"You've got to be fucking- J.i.h.o.o.n" he breathed out angrily, "thank you Jihoon-ssi, lovely doing business with you, enjoy the food or feast!" the younger waved him off with a stupid grin, Jihoon could only curse him out in his mind, sending daggers towards the boy

 

Jihoon probably didn't even look intimidating, rather stupid instead, since he had a chubby, _"cute"_ face

 

"Order for Jihoon-ssi!" Guanlin yelled out, searching the restaurant for the shorter boy, finally in sight as he walked up, snatching his bag off the taller boy's hand, who batted his lashes at the elder, "enjoy!"

 

_Enjoy my ass_

 

What riled up Jihoon more was seeing the writing on the bag, the fucking bastard spelled his name as _Geehoon_

 

_"Smile more princess ;)"_

 

God, he was really out to get on Jihoon's last nerve 

 

"Fucking ridiculous" Jihoon muttered in disbelief, looking back to seeing Guanlin laughing with some co-worker, he looked carefree and sweet, compared to his ass behavior Jihoon's been encountering with, groaning as Guanlin caught Jihoon staring, smirking once again, sending a wink towards the elder

 

Jihoon sent one last glare, before stomping out the store, pissed, pissed at every encounter he's had with the boy

 

"He just _had_ to work here, and to think I loved their bulgogi" Jihoon cried out loud to no one, dragging his body along the pavement 

 

"And what the fuck's up with whole princess nickname crap? He's so irritating, I just wanna slap that stupid smirk off his stupid handsome face" the younger huffed in annoyance, earning a stare from an elder lady as he complained and ranted to himself, most likely looking like a crazy person 

 

Stopping in his tracks, once he'd realized what he just said

 

_Did I just call that bastard handsome?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TJSISJSIDID OMGMGMGMG this chapter was !!! tysm for reading PLEASE COMMENT FEEDBACK AAAA so much angst and slow burn in this fic and ongiel and others will appear soon !!!! also, should i add woojin+hyungseob pair??? lemme know !! aaaaa i love panwink so much


	4. f o u r

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahem !! some mild homophobia mentioned here !!! jus a heads up this chappie aweeee :// but anyways thanks for reading the story will develop slowly !!

"Daniel hyung and Seongwoo hyung swear they're straight, constantly bickering over who gets more girls I wouldn't be surprised if they end up fucking each other too," Daehwi muttered, looking bored as he watched his two friends wrestle on the floor, competing on who would be a 'better top'

 

"I doubt they'll date each other, or anyone in fact" Jihoon snorted, continuing to type his essay, "but all they do is bicker about who gets more girls with each other and they're hip to hip all day, worst of all, they don't even get girls!" the younger exasperated 

 

"Get off me pig! I'm telling you I'll be the better top, you're just a weak pussy, accept it bro" Seongwoo screamed, frustrated as Daniel sat on his stomach, pinning his wrists down

 

"Oh my god, I don't know these people..." Jihoon mumbled under his breath, "we heard that asshole, pig number two!" Seongwoo shot back

 

"Fuck you"

 

"Sorry Jihoonie, this ass is reserved for the ladies"

 

_"Breathe Jihoon"_

 

"Hyung! Jinyoungie invited us over to his place tonight, you could finally meet him, it's just him and his roommate, but I've never met his roommate, I heard he's nice though!"

 

"Good, cause I didn't wanna third wheel while you two get all lovey dovey" The elder rolled his eyes, "we wouldn't get lovey dovey! I'm telling you he'd never like me that way" Daehwi quickly retaliated, a hint of sadness laced with his voice

 

+

 

When Jihoon arrived at the gym, he didn't expect to see Guanlin laughing with the old ladies at the front desk. He gave off a completely different aura than to what Jihoon was used to seeing. He watched longer, the taller boy clapping his hands, high pitched laughter, and Jihoon took note that Guanlin tended to throw his body around when he laughed really hard

 

 _Where was that Guanlin when he talked to Jihoon?_ The shorter male thought as he watched the scenario go down

 

"Oh Jihoon dear! Come here, Guanlin-ah was just telling me this hilarious story" the front desk lady called out for Jihoon, she herself laughing just as loud, Guanlin on the other hand seemed displeased to see Jihoon

 

"Next time I'll tell it, I'm gonna leave now" the taller boy bowed to the lady as he excused himself, and for some reason it bothered Jihoon

 

_Damn, did he really hate Jihoon or something?_

 

Besides the fact that Jihoon did come off rude and call him a bastard- okay no, he can see why the younger might dislike him, but he was just as rude to Jihoon too!

 

"Ah what a handsome kind boy, don't you think Jihoon? You two are around the same age, and the only young ones who come to the gym, you'd get along well and be good friends I'm sure of it"

 

 _Oh don't be so sure of it,_ Jihoon thought 

 

"Y-yeah" the boy somehow mumbled out, "I'll take my leave now, hope we can talk later" Jihoon bowed before heading towards the basement

 

Truly he wondered if things could be different. If Guanlin and Jihoon didn't have this type of tension, Jihoon wished he had come off kinder, perhaps Guanlin would've been much nicer to him, but clearly reality skewed

 

"God I'm so stupid" the boy muttered to himself, slumping his way to the dusty room

 

"You got that right" a voice responded from behind him, making Jihoon jump and fall on his behind

 

Guanlin

 

"Ow, what the fuck?" the elder whined, rubbing his thigh, "well are you just gonna stand there or help me fucking get up?" 

 

"Just stand here" the boy shrugged, with a sly smirk

 

Suddenly Jihoon knew why he didn't like the boy, and constantly wanted to punch him, "you're so annoying, why're you constantly trying to get on my nerves?" The elder snapped, genuinely annoyed, still on the ground 

 

"I'm not trying to do anything, you just happen to be the epitome of a joke and it's hard not to make a comment about it"

 

The fucking bastard-

 

"Well then don't make a comment about it" Jihoon fumed, his legs beginning to give out from the sudden fall, "okay princess"

 

"And stop calling me princess, what the fuck?" 

 

"Hmm...okay princess"

 

"Yah you're seriously pushing it-" the elder lifted himself off the ground, grabbing Guanlin's collar, unfortunately the elder's height towering Jihoon by a large difference, so overall Jihoon did not look intimidating at all

 

"Awe you're like a cute little puppy" The younger mocked, pinching Jihoon's cheek

 

"Don't fucking touch me," slapping the younger's hand away, who faked an expression of pain, "says the one who's literally grabbing my collar, do you wanna kiss me princess?" 

 

"What the fuck? Don't joke like that, what are you a gay faggot or something?" Jihoon immediately regretted those words as they slipped out his mouth, knowing he meant nothing of it, and it was just his anger replacing the cruel word

 

He regretted more once Guanlin's eyes flashed into some kind of anger as well

 

The younger harshly grabbed at Jihoon's hands, off his collars

 

_"Yeah, I am"_

 

And with that, he roughly pushed Jihoon back, walking past the elder, leaving him regretful, "fuck fuck, I really messed up, oh my god" Jihoon soon realized what he had just said, and what Guanlin just said, knowing he truly screwed up

 

"God, how could I be so inconsiderate?" the boy sunk to the ground, repeating what Guanlin admitted to. He was gay, and Jihoon had just said something so messed up

 

Not having the energy or heart to practice anymore, the boy dragged his body off the ground, walking out the gym, heart heavy with regret, replaying the look of anger in Guanlin's eyes

 

+

 

"You're back! And you look like shit, go take a shower you stink and we have to go to Jinyoungie's place in two hours, hurry!" Daehwi exclaimed, quite honestly as Jihoon stepped inside their shared apartment 

 

In all honesty, he wasn't in the mood to see anyone anymore, and he definitely didn't want to face Daehwi, knowing he confessed to him about liking boys, and what Jihoon had said an hour ago made his head hurt 

 

He felt guilty, and regretful, and he wants to take back that cruel word, he wants to apologize to Guanlin, after all he was joking, but Jihoon took it too far 

 

"Wait, are you okay? You look sick" the younger suddenly worried, rushing to Jihoon's side, placing his hand on his forehead to check for any signs of fever, "I-I'm okay, just tired, I'll feel better if I wash up, I'll see you in a bit" the boy lazily managed out 

 

"O-okay, let me know if you need anything okay? I'll go make you some tea"

 

Sometimes Jihoon was so grateful that someone as caring and precious as Daehwi was his best friend, but right now he felt guilty and wasn't able to even look at the boy in the eye

 

_If Daehwi knew Jihoon had said something like that, he'd be so disappointed in him_

 

The shower didn't help him at all either, all he could think of was Guanlin laughing, and then outright angry and hurt upon seeing Jihoon. He wishes he could just wash away the guilt and disgust 

 

"You okay in there? You've been showering for an hour Jihoonie" the boy was snapped out of his thoughts by Daehwi's voice outside the bathroom door, Jihoon clearly lost track of time

 

"Y-yeah! I'll be out right now"

 

He truly dreaded to meet this boy, and to face Daehwi

+

"Jinyoungie, we're in front of your apartment, what's the number of your apartment again? I keep forgetting" Daehwi spoke into the phone, a wide smile on his face as he walked around in circles in front of his complex 

 

"Okay hyung let's go," Daehwi smiled at Jihoon, nudging the elder, "hyung are you sure you're okay? If you don't feel well, I could just call a taxi for you to go home..?"

 

"N-no I'm fine I promise, I really wanna meet this Jinyoung boy," Jihoon reassured, trying his best to sound convincing and excited, in contrast to his rather dull mood

 

As they walked up the steps, all Jihoon could do was mentally prepare himself to be bright and cheerful for the sake of Daehwi

 

"Hi Jinyoungie! This is my best friend Park Jihoon, Jihoon this is Bae Jinyoung" Daehwi introduced, clapping his hands like a child, rushing to embrace the boy with the small face

 

The boy studied Jihoon, before greeting him, "nice to meet you, come in"

 

"Are they here yet-" Jihoon stopped in tracks once he saw a shirtless Guanlin walk inside the living room, Jihoon's jaw nearly about to drop to the floor, his heart racing upon seeing the boy, clearly shocked and too many emotions going on

 

"Dumbass, go wear a shirt, ah sorry you had to see that mess, that's my best friend and roommate Lai Guanlin"

 

It's like the universe wanted Jihoon to drown in a pit of pain that hated him and wanted him to suffer. Why couldn't he avoid Guanlin? He really didn't and couldn't face Guanlin, not after what happened a few hours ago, Jihoon could only stare at his feet 

 

Daehwi nudged Jihoon's hip, "you alright? You look like you've seen a ghost, I mean I know Guanlin's kind of pale, but he's not-" 

 

"Shut up"

 

"Guanlin bring the beef bulgogi!" Jinyoung yelled out, as they all settled on the couches, Jihoon sitting by himself on a sofa, while Jinyoung and Daehwi linked together on the other, immediately close 

 

The younger boy came into view again, carelessly throwing the bag onto the table, Jihoon avoiding eye contact, raising his head down, "I'm gonna leave now" he heard Guanlin mutter

 

"Uh no you're not, you're staying here today with us, you've been going out every night"

 

"Just let me go" the younger pushed

 

"I'll give you 15,000 won"

 

"Fuck your wons"

 

"C'mon Guanlin"

 

"Fine whatever"

 

This was going to be a long night 

+

 

Jihoon was right, the night was a rather long one, it'd been only an hour but it felt like an eternity, throughout the hour Guanlin either wouldn't look at Jihoon, or send dirty glances when their eyes did meet

 

It made Jihoon feel small, and guilty by the second, and he wanted to do something about it

 

He watched Jinyoung and Daehwi chat amongst themselves, giggling like high school lovesick teens, and Guanlin walk out of sight 

 

The boy took a deep breath, before excusing himself, following behind Guanlin, the taller boy seemingly walking to his room

 

"Hey wait.." the boy whispered, grabbing his arm gently, the boy going stiff under Jihoon's touch, roughly pulling his hand away

 

"Don't touch me" the boy gritted through his teeth, making Jihoon shrink

 

"Please hear me out, I feel terrible-"

 

"I don't fucking care, I've heard it many times it doesn't affect me, are you done?"

 

And that's what hurt the most, knowing Guanlin heard rude and cruel words like that thrown at him many times, he shouldn't be used to it, hell, he shouldn't have ever been called it in the first place

 

The boy walked into his room, and Jihoon rushed inside behind him, "what the fuck of 'leave me alone' don't you get?"

 

"What I said was completely out of the line, I really didn't mean it, I don't know why, I was just mad because of our tension and because you always tease me and that it slipped oh, I swear I'm not homophobic or anything, I just, I'm so sorry I know I'm rambling but I feel so terrible-"

 

"God, shut up!" the boy sighed, "just please shut up, I'm not mad I don't care, I accept your apology or whatever" the boy carelessly continued, clearly not wanting to be in Jihoon's presence

 

"Guanlin, please I'm so sorry"

 

"What?"

 

"I said I'm sorry"

 

_"No...that's the first time I heard my name come out your mouth, other than bastard"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhh JIHOON FINALLY SAID HIS NAME and the fact that guanlin caught on hmmm shows that he actually cares and focuses on what jihoon says abt him huh tysm for reading comment feedback please !!! ideas suggestions critism is always welcome !!!


	5. f i v e

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM DEAD ON A ROLL W THESE UPDATES AND THE POSITIVE FEEDBACK MAKES ME AAAA

_"No...that's the first time I heard my name come out your mouth, other than bastard"_

 

Jihoon could only stare at the boy, had he paid attention that much to whatever he said? 

 

"I-I uhm-"

 

"You should leave Jihoon"

 

"But I won't be at peace until I know that you don't hate me and I need you to know how sorry I am, and how I really didn't mean it, I feel so bad-" the elder rambled off, as Guanlin looked at him with disinterest, "do you expect everyone to fucking like you or something?" the younger snapped, catching Jihoon off guard 

 

"No! I-I don't at all, I just-"

 

"Stop it, I'm serious, I don't like you, and I don't intend on liking you either, just leave me alone, yeah?" 

 

Well there went Jihoon's chances of making amends with the boy, "Guanlin...please"

 

"Please what? You want me to fucking hug you or something? Say 'hey buddy it's all good I know you called me a faggot and all but I wanna be your friend?' Is that what you want me to say?"

 

As soon as Jihoon was about to speak, Jinyoung barged inside the room, "everything good here? What's all the commotion about?" 

 

"Nothing, Jihoon was just finding himself out" Guanlin had beat Jihoon to an answer, ducking his head down as he silently walked out

 

"Hey, what's up with you and Jihoon?" Jinyoung asked Guanlin as soon as everyone left his room, "what do you mean? I barely know the guy"

 

"You know what I mean, you've been glaring at him all day like he's some parasite, and you were raising your voice, do you hate him or something?"

 

"No, he's just annoying that's all"

 

"Listen, I don't know what's the deal, just try to be civil please? It'd be awkward knowing Daehwi's and my best friend hate each other while Daehwi and I maintain a good relationship...Just try okay?"

 

The younger let out an annoyed sigh, nodding his head, "he's kind of cute, but still annoying, but for you I'll try"

 

"Did you just call him cute?"

 

"Well he isn't ugly, as much as I wish he was"

 

"You really are something, Lai Guanlin, by the way they're staying over tonight"

 

That had caught Guanlin'd attention quickly, staring at the boy wide eyed, "what the fuck? You never mentioned a fucking sleepover" the older boy could only shrug, "I know, cause we just came up with the idea right now, Jihoon's sleeping in your room by the way"

 

"There's no way I'm letting that prick sleep anywhere near me, he can sleep anywhere else for all I care, like the street or something"

 

"Stop being annoying, it's final, so join us at the living room and wipe that dumb frown off your face, you look cuter when you're smiling"

 

Guanlin could only gag, "that's the gayest thing you've ever said"

 

 _"I'm not shocked since it's coming from a gay person like myself"_ Jinyoung laughed, "touché"

 

The boy left Guanlin's room, walking to the living room, only to see Daehwi running his fingers through Jihoon's hair, whose head was laid on his lap, and for some reason he envied Jihoon, and felt a pang of jealousy

 

_But Daehwi would never know that_

 

"Everything alright Jinyoung?" Daehwi asked, the caring concerned person he is that Jinyoung was slowly falling for, nodding his head at the boy, ignoring the way his heart twisted at the sight of seeing him being close with someone else, "Uh Jihoon, you can go room with Guanlin, make yourself comfortable and ignore his grumpy ass" 

 

Upon hearing those words, Jihoon shook his head furiously, "n-no it's fine! I'll just sleep on the couch, don't bother I really can"

 

"You're being silly, I can't let you sleep on the couch, you'll freeze out here, the central air gets really cold here"

 

"No, please I'll be fine here..." Jihoon insisted, the thought of being anywhere near Guanlin made his heart flip, and not in the good way

 

"Uh, if you insist...seriously you'll freeze out here, it's much warmer in the roo-"

 

"Seriously, I'm good" hoping Jinyoung wouldn't push it further, "okay I'll get you a blanket and some pillows, if you change your mind let me know, okay?" Jihoon nodded, smiling at the boy 

 

+

 

Jihoon regretted sleeping on the couch, his whole body was freezing and his teeth were clattering, hugging and wrapping the blanket around his body didn't help either

 

He kept turning around uncomfortably on the sofa, wishing he could just fall asleep, forcing himself to shut his eyes, soon enough falling into slumber

 

While Jihoon was sleeping, the boy wasn't able to notice his shaking body on the couch, and how much he was shivering

 

"Aish this guy..." Guanlin whispered to himself upon seeing Jihoon on the couch, body shaking from the cold, "I can't just fucking leave him here to freeze, as much as I'd like to.."

 

Re-thinking his choices for three minutes, the taller boy sighed, walking over to the shorter male, "shit, he's really freezing" Guanlin mumbled once his hand came in contact with Jihoon's cheek, crouching down to meet the boy's level, angling his long arms around so he wouldn't wake the boy up

 

_Guanlin didn't want Jihoon knowing he actually cares at all_

Slowly and carefully wrapping his arms under the boy's weight, he lifted the smaller boy bridal style in his arms, the boy stirring in his sleep, soft breaths tickling Guanlin's neck, as he brought his face closer to the younger's neck, shivering in his sleep

 

"Fuck I should've left him there to freeze to death," Guanlin groaned quietly, studying the elder's face. He had to admit, he looked much better up close, and _when his mouth was shut._ His face screamed innocence, contrary to his annoying personality, Jihoon was extremely cute, with a perfect round face, soft chubby cheeks, a cute nose, pink lips, and his pretty brown eyes

 

As much as Guanlin disliked the boy, he'd never lie about one's appearance, especially when they're attractive 

 

 

 _"You're so fucking annoying and you piss me off so much but you're cute"_ Guanlin glared at the sleeping body, finally reaching his room, laying the boy down on his bed gently, Jihoon letting out a small noise in his sleep, before he folded into himself

 

Guanlin walked over, wrapping the blanket around the boy, before walking to the other side of the bed, falling into deep slumber

 

Guanlin _really_ should have left Jihoon to freeze to death, because as soon as he was about to shut his eyes, he felt an arm being thrown over his waist, Jihoon's body clung onto Guanlin's, the boy bringing his face into Guanlin's chest in his sleep, snoring softly

 

"Fucking get off me" Guanlin helplessly whispered to the air

 

The boy only held on tighter, making himself comfortable, Guanlin wished he could say that he hated the warmth and proximity, but that'd be lying

 

Ignoring the lack of personal space, Guanlin shut his eyes, taking a deep breath, feeling Jihoon's soft breaths tickle his neck

 

_It was gonna be a long night_

 

+

 

The first thing Jihoon noticed when he opened his eyes slowly, was that he wasn't on the couch, freezing his balls off. Second, he was hugging someone in his sleep, and that he was in someone else's room

 

_Third, he realized that he was hugging Lai Guanlin in his sleep_

 

The realization sinking in as he was hit with reality, jumping up suddenly, hitting his head on Guanlin's chin, who soon cursed in his sleep, opening his eyes too, "motherfucker..."

 

"Fuck, fuck" Jihoon whispered

 

 _Had Guanlin brought him to his room last night?_ Jihoon thought, his stomach fluttering at the thought

 

"What the fuck are you doing on my bed?" Guanlin glared, his voice groggy and raspy, sounding somewhat attractive, _but that wasn't the point_ , Jihoon thought 

 

"W-what do you mean? D-didn't you bring me here last night?" Jihoon wondered out loud, equally as confused, "and why the fuck would I do that?"

 

_Okay, ouch_

 

"I-I don't know!-"

 

"You sleepwalked here" Guanlin rolled his eyes, rolling off his bed, "and now you can sleepwalk yourself out of my fucking room" the boy continued, anger still laced in his words towards Jihoon

 

"Sorry for sleepwalking here, oh my god, I'm so sorry-"

 

"Will you shut up for a second? Why do you always apologize for things I don't care about?"

 

"B-because I feel bad, and I'm genuinely sorry"

 

"Well stop, and get the fuck over it"

 

God, why was talking to Guanlin so hard, instead of speaking anymore, Jihoon slowly walked out his room, the heavy heart taking its place 

 

"Good morning, did you sleep well?" Daehwi asked, bright personality relieving Jihoon, a small smile forming in his lips, "Y-yeah, it was fine"

 

"Good, did you wake up early? Your blankets and pillows weren't there...-"

 

"Oh uhm, yeah I put them away earlier"

 

Just as he spoke, Guanlin pushed past Jihoon, twirling around the kitchen chair, "Jinyoung, make me food"

 

"You have hands, make it yourself"

 

"You know...Jihoonie makes some really good kimchi, why don't you prepare that for Guanlin?" Daehwi suggested, turning to Jihoon, who froze in his spot, turning to eye Guanlin

 

"Yeah sure I can-"

 

"It's fine I'm not that hungry-" Guanlin cut the elder off, "that'd be great Jihoon, Guanlin would very much appreciate it, he's very hungry trust me" Jinyoung added, sending a glare towards the younger's way, "while you two eat, Daehwi and I are going to the shop to buy some food"

 

Jihoon's breathing heavily increased, the awkward tension him and Guanlin have was much too intense for him to go through, especially alone with him

 

The boy ignored his worrries, laying out the ingredients for the kimchi, and washing the vegetables, making sure he makes the best kimchi he's ever made to impress Guanlin

 

Soon enough Daehwi and Jinyoung left, and Guanlin still was sat at the kitchen table, staring at his phone with a bored expression as he scrolled away, Jihoon would steal some shy glances

 

"Uhm, two more minutes" Jihoon told Guanlin, as if he cares anyways, not even acknowledging Jihoon's presence

 

The boy continued to stare at his screen, as Jihoon set the food in front of him, "uhm it's really hot so be careful when you eat it"

 

The boy finally moved his gaze away from his phone to look up at Jihoon, not realizing how close his face was with the elder's, who also froze, staring back

 

"So y-yeah" the boy fumbled out, avoiding Guanlin's eyes as he began to walk away, before Guanlin reached out to grab his hand

 

"Where are you going?"

 

"To the living room, I don't wanna bother you-"

 

_"Eat with me, I don't wanna be lonely"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> other ships will develop soon idk i don't wanna rush shit and this is a slowburn fic after all w loads of drama and angst and aaa jus wait PLEASE COMMENT FEEDBACK and other ships you'd like to see in this fic !!


	6. s i x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEW CHAP OMG THIS CHAP FUCKFIFJF JUS READ TO FIND OUTURUR

"Psst"

"Psst"

"Pss-"

 

" _What_ the fuck do you want?" Jihoon whispered through gritted teeth as Seongwoo continued to bother him, while he tried to write up his paper at the campus library 

 

"Something bad happened yesterday?" the elder spoke, questioning himself, "why do you sound unsure?" Jihoon asked, giving up on his paper 

 

"Well I don't know if it was bad, like I know it was bad, but I kind of think I liked that kind of bad? You feel me?"

 

"No, I don't 'feel you' what the fuck are you on?"

 

Seongwoo checked his surroundings, before ducking his head, getting much too close to Jihoon's face, "Imayhavegottendrunkandkisseddaniel"

 

"Pause, what? You're gonna have to repeat that 500 times slower" Jihoon smacked Seongwoo's head

 

"I may have gotten drunk and kissed Daniel" the boy spoke with a straight face, no trace of embarrassment or regret

 

"But he's a boy, and he's Daniel, wait what the fuck?" Jihoon slowly processed what Seongwoo had just said, " _no shit_ , I thought he had a vagina, _obviously_ I know he's a boy, and I've only ever kissed girls so this is weird for me too! But I liked it oh my god" the elder confessed, burying his face in his hands

 

"W-what did Daniel say? Does he even remember or know?"

 

Seongwoo finally began to blush, a smile creeping up on his lips, "about that...when we were finally sober, he said he needed to 'confirm' something so he grabbed my face and kissed me, but then he raced off! And now I'm here confused so you're the first person I told, please don't tell anyone"

 

"I won't I won't, but if he kissed you while he was sober, he was probably trying to confirm whether he enjoyed it or something, but this isn't weird for you? I mean you two are literally the most annoying playboys I know, _well_ playboys who don't get girls"

 

_smack_

 

"Fucking _rude_ , I can get girls! I'm just waiting for the right one, anyways. He probably didn't like it and must've been drunk still"

 

To that Jihoon could ask, "why? _Do you_ want him to have liked the kiss?"

 

"What the fuck? Of course not, no no not at all, aish stop talking to me, I'm leaving" rushing his words as he packed his stuff to leave

 

On his way out, Seongwoo stumbled on the floor, knocking the books off the librarian's hands, earning multiple glares

 

"Fucking dumbass..." Jihoon muttered under his breath

+

 

Jihoon didn't know why he still did it, but he continued dancing to the melodies played by Guanlin, not even shameful about it anymore

 

He really badly wanted to ask Guanlin to even play at his showcase, but the chances of that are lower than his grades

 

He took advantage of whenever Guanlin played, spinning gracefully as his light steps made it across the dusty floor, watching his body move comfortably from the mirror

 

He was going to ask Guanlin, he could do this, but deep down he knew he couldn't. With a long sharp deep breath, he stopped dancing, as he made his way towards the security room, except this time the piano never stopped playing 

 

 _"Okay, you can do this"_ Jihoon told himself, breathing heavily before he barged inside, already met by Guanlin scowling at him

 

"Can I ever catch a fucking break?" The younger groaned, rubbing his forehead 

 

"Hi Guanlin" Jihoon tried smiling warmly, the younger giving him a confused 'why the fuck are you still talking to me' look

 

"Bye!" the boy pushed, but Jihoon instead shoved the younger back against the wall, "pleasehelpmeIreallyneedyourhelp"

 

"No"

 

First of all, Jihoon was shocked that Guanlin even understood his speed talking, second, why was rejection so straight up?

 

"Please please play at my dance showcase, I can only comfortably dance when I hear you playing, my music fucking sucks and neither do I have any idea of good music for contemporary dancing, so please please help me"

 

"No means no, now fuck off please" Guanlin spoke, still not moving as Jihoon kept his hands on the younger's hips, "and I'd appreciate it if you weren't so close to my face, princess, like I said if you want a kiss so badly you could just ask, I know my charms are hard to resist"

 

There's the arrogant annoying Guanlin back, Jihoon huffing as he pulled back, "fine! Don't help me, see if I care asshole!" the elder stormed out the room, regretting the fact that he even attempted to ask, knowing the younger would never budge

 

Guanlin watched the boy walk away with his shoulders slumped down, as he sat back to play the piano 

 

Guanlin truly did like teasing Jihoon, and found the boy rather endearing, smiling softly at the thought of Jihoon attempting to be angry

 

"He's cute" Guanlin murmered, thinking back to how close their faces were, and how funny it actually would be if he decided to kiss the boy

 

"He'd fucking flip if I kissed him"

  

+

 

"Hey Jinyoung, do you think your friend Guanlin hates Jihoon or something?" Daehwi asked as the both of them waited for Woojin and Hyungseob at the bus stop, "I don't know honestly, I think they know each other and equally don't like each other, I mean Guanlin really isn't the type to dislike people, that's debatable actually" Jinyoung sighed, stretching his arms

 

Daehwi hummed in response, "well that sucks then, wow, I was really hoping we'd all be great friends" The boy pouted, "yah, don't worry too much, you stress about others too much, focus on yourself" Jinyoung smiled, pulling Daehwi into his chest, heart fluttering at how good it feels to hold the younger boy

 

"This is nice" Daehwi sighed, wrapping his arms around the boy's small waist, burying his face deeper into his chest, appreciating the fact that no one was around the bus stop, and that Daehwi could comfortably embrace Jinyoung

 

"Mhm, don't get too comfortable and fall asleep Woojin and Hyungseob are gonna be here soon"

 

"Shut up and let me be comfortable" Daehwi's voice muffled out, clinging onto Jinyoung

 

"DAEHWI! JINYOUNGIE!" a voice shouted, startling the two boys, causing them to break apart

 

Of course it was none other than the hyper active Ahn Hyungseob walking towards Daehwi and Jinyoung, with a panting Woojin behind

 

Before Daehwi could even blink, Hyungseob threw his body onto Daehwi's, embracing the boy tightly, "me and Woojin are dating" the boy whispered excitedly into Daehwi's ear, shocking the boy

 

Daehwi quickly pulled away, grabbing Hyungseob's shoulders, "what the hell? What? How? When?" Hyungseob only giggled in response, "dunno, we were sitting on a rooftop and I called him cute and he blushed and we kissed somehow and we've been dating for two weeks, cute isn't it?"

 

"Yah! I'm happy for you, but why didn't you tell me sooner?"

 

Hyungseob looked down, pretending to think, "well at first I was skeptical, thinking you'd be against that, and then on the bus ride I thought about how you're up Jinyoung's ass so I was like 'Daehwi definitely wouldn't mind' and here I am telling you, initially I wasn't going to tell anyone, because Koreans are fucking crazy" the boy breathed out, earning a smack from Daehwi, "what do you mean I'm 'up Jinyoung's ass?' that's not true!" a small blush creeping up on his face

 

Before Hyungseob could answer, Jinyoung pulled Hyungseob away, "Yah, talk to me too asshole" 

 

"Hey Daehwi" Woojin shyly greeted, he was always the awkward one at first, and not as hyper like Hyungseob

 

"Why hello Woojin-ah, a certain someone told me you're dating a certain someone" Daehwi raised his brows, teasing Woojin who turned beet red, "Yeah? A-and you don't mind?" 

 

"Of course I don't mind, I'm happy for you two"

 

"Who're you happy for?" Jinyoung eavesdropped, hand over Hyungseob's shoulders, "Uhm that's for them to tell" Daehwi shrugged his shoulders

 

"We're dating" the two said at the same time, looking at each other, and then laughing

 

Jinyoung could only stare at them wide eyed, "you two-" point his fingers at the boys, "are dating?"

 

"Do you not understand Korean" Hyungseob mocked

 

"Fuck you"

 

"That's for Woojin-ah to do when I'm no longer a fetus" the boy giggled, Woojin groaning at his response 

+

 

Jihoon wanted to choke. He really couldn't dance properly to his music, and was constantly falling 

 

It grew him frustrated, at this rate he was gonna be a complete joke at the showcase, and not win the grand prize

 

"I'm so fucking screwed," the boy mumbled, kicking the wall

 

Attempting for a second time, he ran to the security room

 

"I'll even pay you, just please play for me" Jihoon breathed out, startling Guanlin, "do you not have any fucking manners? Like knocking?"

 

Turning around with a glare thrown at Jihoon, the dim light making his face glow, "listen I'm really desperate and my music really really sucks and I can't dance, please I'll pay you, I'll do anything"

 

"Well you won't have to do anything because I'm not doing it, what don't you understand by that?"

 

Come on Jihoon, just convince him

 

Guanlin wasn't expecting it, nor was Jihoon, but the elder began doing aegyo towards the younger 

 

"What the fuck are you doing?" Guanlin groaned, covering his eyes, "acting cute" Jihoon responded, attempting more with more obscene aegyo

 

"You look fucking stupid"

 

"But everyone else told me I looked cute doing so" Jihoon whined, pouting at Guanlin's comment, "well then they either lied or they're fucking stupid too"

 

"You're so mean" Jihoon huffed, crossing his arms over his chest like a child

 

"And you're so annoying, stupid, not cute, annoying, stupid, idiotic, did I mention annoying?" 

 

"I'll pay you however much you want"

 

"I don't want your money" Guanlin sighed, pushing Jihoon out of the room, ignoring the elder's protests, and locking the door shut

 

 _"The aegyo was cute Park Jihoon"_ Guanlin whispered to himself with a small smile 

 

Just as Guanlin sat back down to play some notes on the piano, his eyes wandered off to the security cameras, but he hadn't expected to see Jihoon on the floor, crying?

 

"What's gotten into him now..." Guanlin muttered, contemplating on whether or not he should check up on the boy 

 

Guanlin being Guanlin, sighed as he got up leaving towards the dance studio

 

As he walked, he watched outside the door, seeing Jihoon's body shaking lightly

 

"Yah, why're you crying big baby?" Guanlin asked, kneeling down behind the boy

 

All he could hear was Jihoon sniff in response, resembling a sad puppy, "stop crying" Guanlin awkwardly demanded, he was shit at comforting 

 

"Hey hey, look at me why're you crying Park Jihoon?" The taller boy asked once again, slowly removing Jihoon's hands away from his face, revealing a tear stained one, and a puffy nose 

 

"Because I won't win this stupid showcase and I'll disappoint my parents and I can't do anything good and I won't win the money to help with my dad's operation" the boy weakly spoke

 

Guanlin's heart twisted upon those words, sighing loudly 

 

"I'll do it" Guanlin breathed out, catching Jihoon's attention

 

"Do what?" 

 

"Play at your showcase"

 

"Really?" Jihoon's mood changed, looking hopeful 

 

"Yes, but on one condition" Guanlin stopped the boy 

 

"W-what"

 

Guanlin slowly smiled, standing up, clapping his hands together, "only if you're up for it"

 

"Just tell me what it is Guanlin" Jihoon sighed, standing up as well

 

"You see...my parents don't believe me when I tell them I'm gay, they think it's just a stupid phase or me rebelling so I don't get married or something, so I need you to be my fake boyfriend" proposing a deal for Jihoon

 

"W-what? I'm straight, though." Jihoon stuttered, wide eyed from the proposal

 

"And? I don't care, take it or leave it, you get what you want, and I get what I want"

 

Jihoon thought over his options, and he clearly didn't have many, fidgeting with his thumbs 

 

"Yes, I'll do it, just don't tell anyone please, I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea" Jihoon fumbled, staring up at Guanlin, the boy nodded in response

 

_"So you'll be my fake boyfriend if I play the piano for free at your stupid dance showcase, right?_

_"Yeah, it's a deal"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it finally happened omg !!! IT HAPPENED YEEEEE let's see what goes on from now aanddddd PLEASE COMMENT FEEDBACKKKK also what's y'all fav panwink moment??


	7. s e v e n

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS FUCKCINGGNG CHAPTER OHMYNGODKFKF

It had been two days since Guanlin had made a proposal to Jihoon, and the elder had been worrying ever since

 

His worries only increased by second as he made his way towards the younger's apartment. Backtrack to two days ago, after Jihoon had agreed, all Guanlin asked for was his number and simply left him there to wonder about whatever the fuck he had just agreed to do

 

Finally making his way towards Guanlin's door, he began knocking, revealing Jinyoung who'd opened the door, looking at Jihoon with a confused look

 

"Uh, Daehwi isn't here...?" Jinyoung slowly questioned, clearly confused at Jihoon's abrupt appearance, Jihoon nodded, "I know, I'm actually looking for Guanlin," with a plastered smile

 

" _You're_ looking for _Guanlin_? As in Lai Guanlin? Tall, pale as shit, Taiwanese, are you sure?" Jinyoung inquired, shocked and confused rapidly. Jihoon giggled at his confusion, nodding his head

 

"Yes, _that_ bastard"

 

"Oh. Well come inside, he's in his room, I was actually on my way out so make yourself comfortable, uhm bye and don't bite each other!" Jinyoung bid a goodbye, leaving Jihoon all by himself, rethinking his choices

 

_He could run for it, or he could stay and meet Guanlin so he could play for free or at his showcase_

 

The first options seems great, but Jihoon instead slumped his way towards Guanlin's room, with a heavy mind

 

"Breathe Jihoon," the boy told himself, before twisting the knob open, barging inside

 

_Bad idea_

 

"Oh my god" Jihoon yelped as soon as he saw Guanlin in nothing but a towel, clearly just out of the shower 

 

"What the fuck Jihoon? Did your parents never teach you to knock or something? This is the hundredth time you've barged in without knocking, I could've been naked, fuck" the boy began taunting Jihoon, whose back was faced to Guanlin, covering his eyes with his hands

 

"Sorry sorry, oh my god, I'm so sorry-" Jihoon began apologizing, "shut up, just knock next time, hopefully there isn't a next time I have to see you" Guanlin muttered

 

"You could turn around now," the younger announced, Jihoon turning his back cautiously, a fully clothed Guanlin in view, with his hair styled

 

"Now tell me I'm handsome" Guanlin smirked, fixing his hair as he looked at the mirror

 

"No" Jihoon quickly declined

 

"Oh well, no free piano sessions for you then," Guanlin sadly shrugged, "fuck you"

 

"I thought you were straight," Guanlin slyly responded

 

"You're handsome" Jihoon gritted through his teeth, fists curled up on his sides, "oh hyung! You're too sweet, thank you I know" the younger sweetly smiled, hugging Jihoon, catching him by surprise, who pushed him off quickly 

 

"Anyways, down to business, we need to discuss how we met, how you fell for me and started drooling over me and basically stalked me until I agreed to go on a date with you"

 

Jihoon's jaw dropped to the floor, " _that's_ your fucking genius idea? _No one's_ gonna believe that crap, and why am I the one who fell for you? Why can't you fall for me?"

 

Guanlin began laughing, "now _that's_ the crap, why would I fall for you, aish be realistic here" the younger shook his head

 

" _Realistic?_ Your idea was we tell your parents that I stalked you because I was in love with you?" Jihoon asked in disbelief, arms crossed over his chest

 

Guanlin surrendered, "alright alright, let's tone it down then. We can say you came to my workplace and fell in love with my smile and asked for my number and gradually asked me out on a date and we've been dating for three weeks now"

 

Jihoon snorted, "fall in love with your smile? You have an ass scowl on your face everytime I see you"

 

"Exactly, I scowl everytime it involves being with you" Guanlin answered in a 'as a matter of fact' tone

 

"Anyways, we can discuss those details later, are your parents okay with you sexuality and all?" Jihoon asked, caution in his voice

 

"Dumbass, they don't believe I'm gay in the first place, so they can't exactly be okay, or not okay with this, they still think I'm lying, so today we have a lot of work, starting from practicing how to hold hands. _You have held a hand before right?"_ Guanlin teased, whereas the elder sent him a glare, "o-of course I've held a fucking hand before, here-" Jihoon roughly grabbed Guanlin's hand, demonstrating how he holds hands

 

"Are you holding my hand or planning to cuff me? Don't tell me you have kinks for cuffs, I mean although you look innocent, you _could_ be into that non vanilla roleplay cra-"

 

"Shut up!" Jihoon groaned, slapping his hand over Guanlin's mouth, who bit Jihoon's hand, "ow what the fuck?"

 

"Don't put your hand on my mouth, and I won't bite your hand, duh. Anyways, this is how you hold a hand.." Guanlin gave a playful smile before lacing their fingers together

 

_Jihoon's small hands fit perfectly in Guanlin's, already feeling warm_

 

"Okay, we got that covered," Jihoon quickly pulled his hand back, "now we practice how to kiss, first I'm gonna kiss your cheek, then your forehead, don't be too weirded out and don't react like an annoying bitch, we have to make it look natural"

 

Jihoon inched his face away, preparing himself as his heart began to race before he nodded for Guanlin to continue

 

The taller boy placed his hands below Jihoon's waist, bringing him closer, chest to chest, before pressing his lips onto Jihoon's forehead, the kiss lingering as Jihoon's heartbeat quickened, his body reacting normally, _kind of liking it_

 

As Jihoon processed what happened, he missed how Guanlin softly pecked his cheek, pulling away to stare at him, "was that okay?" Guanlin asked, his voice much calmer, something rare for Jihoon's ears

 

"I don't know and I don't care, let's just continue," Jihoon shook his head, "okay, well, I'm gonna kiss your lips now, this is the big part, so don't fucking freak out"

 

"Don't freak out? This is my first time kissing anyone! Make that a boy too!" Realizing what he just said, Jihoon clasped his hand over his mouth, eyes wide

 

Shit, Guanlin was going to make fun of him for never kissing anyone, and laugh at him

 

_But Guanlin didn't_

 

"Oh uhm, are you comfortable with me kissing you? L-like me being your first, like I don't know if you value that whole 'firsts are special' crap.." Guanlin scratched his neck, eyeing the boy nervously 

 

"I don't know, and like I said I don't care and neither do I care about the first special crap, let's just do this, okay? It's not like I could go kiss a girl right now so you're not my first-"

 

"We could arrange that"

 

_"Shut up and kiss me"_

 

Jihoon never thought those words would slip from his mouth, but they did, sounding just as fluttering as it did in his head 

 

"Okay, princess" Guanlin smirked, hands back on Jihoon's waist, the elder's breath hitching in his throat, eyes not being able to meet Guanlin's

 

"Last chance to back out so we could get some chick to kiss you.." Guanlin whispered, hot breath, a sweet strawberry smell radiating onto Jihoon's face, "Guanlin-" Jihoon said sternly

 

"Okay, okay" Guanlin laughed lightly, bringing one hand to grab and massage the back of Jihoon's neck, "just relax" the younger whispered, slowly leaning in

 

Jihoon shut his eyes, mirroring the boy's movements, slowly, and shyly moving his lips closer as well

 

 _This was it_ , Jihoon thought 

 

The gap between them finally closed, as Guanlin's chapped lips pressed onto Jihoon's soft pink ones, molding perfectly, Guanlin began moving his lips, whereas Jihoon was still confused to what to do

 

Just as Guanlin was about to pull away, Jihoon copied his angles, pressing his lips back, awkwardly kissing the taller boy, who's fingers slowly massaged Jihoon's neck, and surprisingly, Jihoon felt his shoulders relax, bringing his chest closer to Guanlin's, finally comfortably kissing the younger back 

 

_For a moment, Jihoon was lost, and he enjoyed being lost_

 

"Uhm so yeah, that's how we'll do it in case we're ever in a situation where we have to uh kiss and convince someone" Guanlin quickly jerked back, hands off the elder, who also looked away, lips a more deeper shade of pink, nearly swollen, Guanlin couldn't help but stare at them

 

 _I did that to him_ , Guanlin smiled to himself

+

"This is ridiculous," Daehwi groaned as he watched Hyungseob feed Woojin ice cream as if he was a baby. There's a limit to being lovey dovey, and this wasn't cringey, this was _torture_  

 

"It's not _that_ bad, it's pretty romantic" Jinyoung smiled, staring at his two friends, Woojin who was clearly embarrassed by Hyungseob, but continued being fed as no one could resist Ahn Hyungseob

 

As the words slipped out Jinyoung's mouth, Daehwi sat up, giving Jinyoung a 'are you kidding me' look. " _That's_ what you consider romantic?"

 

Jinyoung turned to face Daehwi as well, shrugging, "fine, what's Mr. Lee Daehwi's ideal romantic date," folding his arms over his chest as he narrowed his eyes towards the younger, genuinely curious to what his crus- Daehwi considered romantic, for future reference of course

 

"Well _definitely not_ being fed ice cream like a little baby-"

 

 _"Okay, noted"_ Jinyoung accidentally blurted out, _shit that was supposed to be a mental note, dumbass_

 

"Why would you note what I consider romantic, are you gonna ask me out too?" Daehwi wiggles his brows, teasing the elder, "yah shut up! Over my dead body would I ask you out, you're crazy" 

 

"Looks like we're gonna get another big fat gay couple alongside us," Hyungseob mumbled under his breath, as he feed Woojin, watching Jinyoung and Daehwi bicker

 

"We're not fat" Woojin pouted to himself, "yeah, but this dick is" 

 

"I suddenly lost my appetite," Woojin glared, pushing Hyungseob's hand away, who was clearly amused

 

"What's he laughing about?" Jinyoung asked, raising his brows, "Woojin said I have a fat dick" Hyungseob quickly responded, giggling 

 

Woojin, on the other hand looked completely baffled, "I-I did not say that, what the fuck?" Hyungseob only laughed harder, soon choking on his ice cream, some spitting out from his mouth onto Daehwi's nose

 

"Okay, that's it, you guys can find yourselves back to my place by yourselves," Jinyoung couldn't be around the two for any longer, grabbing Daehwi's elbow, dragging the boy outside, ignoring Hyungseob's protests from the background

 

+

 

"Okay go over the story of how met again," Guanlin spoke sternly, a serious face masked on

 

"Guanlin, I fucking went over this nineteen times, I got it, can we please go eat something I'm starving, and if I starve, I die-"

 

 _"Hopefully"_ Guanlin muttered, earning a glare from Jihoon, "anyways, and if I di-"

 

 _"If"_ Guanlin once again cut Jihoon off, talking to himself

 

" _if_ I die, then I can't do this crap and your parents will forever think you being gay was a joke, _like yourself"_ Jihoon finally finished without any interruptions 

 

"Park Jihoon, you're the biggest joke in the world," Guanlin rolled his eyes, "but I thought I was small, like you always say _Guanlinie.._ " Jihoon pouted, teasing the younger 

 

"Just go over it one last time, and don't call me Guanlinie ever again," The younger ignored Jihoon, who sighed loudly

 

"I was super hungry one day, so I went to buy beef bulgogi, your wonderful smart-" it pained Jihoon to say, nearly wanting to throw up from the lies, "beautiful son was absolutely kind to me as he served me, his smile really just made my heart flip, so I kept going back, and I asked him for his number, thinking someone as _wonderful_ -" Jihoon held his breath, wanting to barf again, "as Guanlin would reject someone like me, but he didn't, and as we kept talking, we went on dates and I fell for his charms more and more, and here we are, dating _happily_ for three weeks," the elder breathed out, faking a gag

 

Guanlin had a shit eating grin, reciting the lines as he mocked Jihoon

 

"Perfect, okay let's get food, not from my workplace though, I don't want the workers thinking I'm dating you or something" 

 

Jihoon didn't know why, but that made him defensive, "why? What's wrong with dating me huh?" 

 

"Literally _everything_ , and you should be glad since you don't want anyone knowing you're a hetero, am I right?" 

 

Jihoon knew the younger was in fact right, and actually doing him a favor, but that didn't change the fact that he still felt a tad bit hurt and defensive, "whatever let's go" Jihoon pushed past the younger, standing in the living room

 

"Wait up princess, don't leave without me!" Guanlin called out, before grabbing his wallet

 

"Where do you wanna eat?" Guanlin asked, as he walked next to Jihoon

 

"Anywhere with food," Jihoon turned away, not wanting to look at Guanlin

 

"First of all, loosen the fuck up, second, there's a lot of places with food princess, you're going to have to be more specific"

 

Jihoon faced the boy, the same glare on his face, "stop calling me princess oh my god, and I want hamburgers, okay? Let's go get hamburgers"

 

"No, princess' a cute nickname, and you act like a bitchy one, second, after you princess" 

 

Guanlin was not going to stop teasing Jihoon anytime soon, smiling as Jihoon stomped away ahead of him

 

They walked alongside each other for ten minutes, reaching an empty burger store, halfway Guanlin wanting to push Jihoon onto the road

 

"Ladies first, please" Guanlin teased, opening the door for Jihoon, a small grin on his lips and Jihoon cursed at Guanlin

 

"Fuckface"

 

"You love this face," Guanlin snickered behind Jihoon, "I'd love that face if it was burning with a really strong hot big fat fire" Jihoon shot back, looking for a seat, choosing a booth at the end of the restaurant, not caring to wait for Guanlin

 

"So much for eating together.." Guanlin muttered, following behind Jihoon who was already placing his order

 

"And what will you be having?" the waitress asked Guanlin who barely had a chance to even sit, without thinking, "same as him" 

 

Once the waitress was out of sight, Jihoon spoke, "she's literally drooling over you, something's wrong with her"

 

"She's perfectly fine, I'm hard to resist Jihoonie, soon you'll be in her position"

 

Jihoon gave a disgusted look, "as if!"

 

"Mmm, that's what they all say" Guanlin sweetly smiled, resting his chin on the palm of his hands, staring up at Jihoon, who awkwardly tried to look away 

 

"See? You can't even look me in the eye," Guanlin smirked, as Jihoon faced the younger, the same glare being thrown

 

"Because I don't want to look you in the eye"

 

"You wound me princes" Guanlin pouted, sitting up as the food was placed in front of them

 

"How the fuck can you eat all this?" Guanlin was shocked, seeing everything Jihoon ordered, who grew insecure

 

Regretting what he said instantly as he saw Jihoon's expression shift, pushing the food aside

 

"I mean it's so cool, you could eat a lot and maintain a good figure," Guanlin praised for the first time, quickly covering up his first slightly rude remark, Jihoon looking up at the younger boy, "just call me fat, I've heard it enough where I don't care, it doesn't bother or hurt me anymore, and sorry if I got a lot, I've been dieting crazy to the point where I've been starving for the past two months, for the stupid dance competition, and I barely eat so I was craving this badly" the boy mumbled, looking away sadly, eyeing his food in disgust

 

Guanlin suddenly felt bad, knowing Jihoon was teased about his weight, when there was clearly nothing wrong with it, especially knowing Jihoon starved himself, _what the fuck that's not a healthy diet?_ , "Park Jihoon, I really fucking want to choke you half the time, but trust me when I say you're not fat, people who say that to you are jealous because you have something they're missing, and that's not a diet, that's simply starving and then you'll genuinely become ill and not have energy to perform at the showcase, dumbass" wanting to internally slap himself for being so sappy

 

Guanlin was expecting Jihoon to backfire, or even say a simple 'thank you' but he had to be a little shit, "awe...you do care about me" Jihoon grinned

 

"I don't fucking care about you, you're delusional" the younger boy rolled his eyes, quickly denying _outrageous_ accusations 

 

"Whatever you say mister 'you're not fat, people who say that to you are jealous because you have something they're missing' Lai Guanlin" Jihoon mocked, repeating Guanlin's words

 

"You're so irritating, I hope they spit in your food"

 

In the end, their conversation only consisted of teasing and bickering, Guanlin being glad on the inside as Jihoon ate happily, feeling sorry for the boy who was wrongly teased, but he'd never show that side to Jihoon

 

"Your bills," the waitress smiled, glancing at Guanlin, who uncomfortably smiled back, just as Jihoon took his money out, Guanlin quickly pulled the bill away

 

"I got it" Guanlin stopped the boy, who tilted his head in confusion 

 

"Fuck off, you're just gonna pay for your stuff so they hold me back and send me to jail," Jihoon spoke, reaching over the bill with his short arms, as Guanlin pulled it away further from his grasp

 

"I said I got it," Guanlin smirked, paying the bill for the two of them

 

"Why the fuck did you pay for me?" Jihoon asked, not even thanking the boy

 

"A 'thank you' would've been better," Guanlin rolled his eyes, walking along the pavement, "answer my question" Jihoon nagged

 

"Because I fucking wanted to," Guanlin turned to face Jihoon, towering over the shorter male, who stumbled on his feet, nearly falling over, before Guanlin reached out to hold him, hoisting him back up

 

Not looking back for Jihoon, suddenly growing mad, Guanlin walked ahead, as Jihoon felt guilty and annoying

 

"Guanlin wait up!" Jihoon panted, speed walking towards Guanlin, bumping into the elder's waist 

 

"T-thank you for paying, it was nice of you" Jihoon shyly thanked

 

_"Whatever, I'm just glad you ate"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE PANWINK INTERCATIONS FUCK OFFFFFF I LOVE THEM SO MUCHHH y'all aren't even ready for the angst and drama and plot twists !! PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBACK AND KUDOSSS subscribe if u want to be notified abt updates :D


	8. e i g h t

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// chap includes mentions of eating disorders so don't read if that makes u uncomfy um this chapter was a roller coaster wow

Currently Daehwi, Jinyoung, Guanlin, and Jihoon were gathered at Jinyoung's apartment for a 'boy's night out,' (as suggested by Daehwi, since he wanted everyone to best friends), but unfortunately there was a storm outside, and soon to be one inside too as Guanlin and Jihoon were in the same room

 

"Jihoon you should go outside and get us some food" Guanlin spoke from the couch

 

"What the fuck? Do you not see the storm outside? I could get struck by lightning" Jihoon deadpanned, scoffing at the younger

 

"Exactly, you could get struck by lightning"

 

With that, Jihoon threw a pillow at Guanlin's face with full force, "hey hey let's be nice here, we're all supposed to be best friends here" Daehwi shook his head, acting like the peacemaker of the century

 

"Who is 'we?'" Guanlin raised his brows, asking Daehwi, "we as in all of us, dumbass"

 

"Awe don't curse Daehwi, it doesn't suit your cute personality," Jinyoung piped in, making the younger blush

 

"Disgusting," Guanlin muttered under his breath as he watched Daehwi become flustered just by Jinyoung breathing in his direction 

 

"Woah Guanlin, since when did your relationship status change to 'in a relationship?' who's your girlfriend?" Daehwi asked excitedly, leaning at the edge of the sofa, as he scrolled through his Facebook

 

"I don't have a girlfriend, I'm gay sweetheart" Guanlin snorted, laughing when Daehwi's eyes were nearly about to burst out his socket

 

"Is everyone like gay? Am I like the only one who's not?" Daehwi spoke to the air, causing Guanlin to laugh harder, "nah, Jihoon's straight too" Jinyoung added, as Guanlin snorted at the response 

 

Jihoon shot the younger a look, who simply winked at Jihoon, making a kissy face at him

 

_To: Park Jihoon_

_hi boyfriend ;)_

 

Guanlin typed to Jihoon, as they were literally one feet apart from each other, smirking to himself as he saw Jihoon glare at his screen

 

_From: Park Jihoon_

_Die._

 

_To: Park Jihoon_

_Ugh baby, I love it when u play feisty meow_

 

_From: Park Jihoon_

_I'm blocking your number._

 

Staring up to see Guanlin bite his lip as the furiously typed on his keyboard, sending Jihoon loads of spam  

 

Suddenly a loud thunder struck, causing all the boys to jump, "fuck...how are we supposed to go home in this weather" Daehwi wondered, shivering. Jinyoung pulled the boy close to his chest, "I'm not letting you or Jihoon go home at this weather, anyways. You're sleeping with me, and Jihoon's sleeping with Guanlin, got it Guanlin?" Jinyoung spoke sternly, giving the younger a sharp 'don't make me fucking repeat it again' look

 

"And Jihoon, don't you even dare think about sleeping on the couch again," The boy faced Jihoon, as he ruffled Daehwi's hair

 

"Do you guys have anything to eat? Jihoonie hasn't eaten anything all day." Daehwi asked, being the precious considerate person he was, thinking of his best friend's health at all times

 

Upon hearing that, Guanlin's head perked up, suddenly alert at the fact that Jihoon had been starving again for his stupid competition, "yah, it's fine, I could live" Jihoon laughed, unsure himself

 

"Guanlin go cook something for Jihoon, now" Jinyoung ordered, immediately being cut off by Jihoon, "n-no no! That's fine, he doesn't have to do anything, I'm really not hungry"

 

"You haven't eaten anything today hyung, and neither did you eat much yesterday, you won't be able to dance with energy then, right?" Daehwi butted in, smiling warmly at Jihoon

 

Jihoon hesitated, before nodding his head slowly, defeated as he watched Guanlin on his way to the kitchen 

 

Jihoon closely followed behind, "you really don't have to make me anythin-"

 

"I don't have to, but I will so you don't fucking faint in my home" Guanlin rolled his eyes, ignoring the elder

 

"We're meeting my parents in two days for dinner by the way.." Guanlin mindlessly spoke, stirring soup for Jihoon, whose head perched up at the sudden announcement 

 

"T-two days? Why didn't you tell me earlier? Shit.." Jihoon began panicking 

 

"Fuck. Relax okay? Do you have anything urgent in two days?" Guanlin asked, much calmer than Jihoon

 

Jihoon wondered about his schedule, not having any plans, cursing himself, "n-no I don't.."

 

"Perfect, so everything's good, right? Stop being so worked up, rehearsals were good, just be natural" 

 

"Don't stab each other!" Jinyoung shouted from the living room, "no promises!" Guanlin yelled back, earning a smack from the elder

 

+

"Shit, this smells good, I didn't know you could cook well Guanlin.." Daehwi praised, looking wide eyed at the items Guanlin prepared 

 

"It may smell good, but probably tastes like ass," Jihoon mumbled

 

"I wouldn't make my food to taste like you," Guanlin fired back, _"should've spit in his food..ungrateful brat"_ Guanlin scoffed under his breath

 

"Why're you so scared to eat? I promise you Guanlin didn't poison it, right Guanlin?" Jinyoung laughed, turning to Guanlin who stayed silent, Jihoon's eyes widening as he became fearful 

 

"Oh calm down Park Jihoon, I didn't fucking poison the food, if I had cooked for you individually, I would've, but our dear angel Lee Daehwi is eating too, and he can't die" Guanlin smiled, eyes sparkling as he turned to face Daehwi, who covered his smiling face

 

Jinyoung on the other hand coughed, growing slightly jealous at the interaction, gently blowing out the food for Daehwi, hoping to divert his attention away from Guanlin

 

"This is so good!" Daehwi moaned happily, grabbing Guanlin's hand without a thought, the younger smiling back at the compliment. Jinyoung's eyes traveled towards Daehwi's hand on Guanlin's, breath hitching in his throat, Jihoon who remained silent 

 

So Jinyoung pretended to choke, hysterically coughing, gaining Daehwi's undivided attention in an instant. Daehwi rushed towards Jinyoung, patting his back, helping Jinyoung calm down

 

"Thank you, Daehwi-ah" Jinyoung breathed out, "of course, you got me so worried" Daehwi pouted, hugging Jinyoung, who returned a tighter hug back

 

"So Jihoon, how was the food? Ignore the fact that it was made by me, how was it honestly?" Guanlin asked, ignoring his two friends flirting not so subtly

 

"It was edible" Jihoon curtly responded, watching Guanlin's face fall, sighing as he made a more elaborate response, "it was actually really good, no restaurant could compare" Guanlin's lips twirling up into a grin

 

"Okay well, I'm tired, and I lock my room before I sleep so hurry the fuck up" Guanlin told Jihoon, before jogging to his room, Jihoon bidding the boys a goodnight as he followed Guanlin to his room

 

"Here's some clothes fuckface, I don't know if they'll fit nicely, neither do I care" Guanlin carelessly threw his clothes at Jihoon's face

 

"And the washroom's behind you, please slip and die, I don't care"

 

"You're so mean," Jihoon huffed under his breath, "oh princess, I'm sorry, would you like a kiss?" Guanlin spoke sweetly

 

"Disgusting" Jihoon glared, before walking towards Guanlin's bathroom, taking his shirt off as he stepped into the shower 

 

As Jihoon was done showering, stepping out as he wrapped a towel around his waist, he heard the door click open, and a humming Guanlin step inside

 

"What the fuck?" Jihoon hissed, attempting to cover his nipples with his hands, Guanlin being unbothered

 

"What? I have to brush my teeth," the younger casually shrugged, "and cute stomach" the boy grinned, making Jihoon's face go beet red 

 

"Can you please just turn around for one second?" Jihoon pleaded, his back turned to Guanlin, hiding behind the shower curtains

 

"You're so- fine okay, you could cover up now" Guanlin gave a heads up, face turned to the door, as he heard Jihoon fumble around in the background, "you can l-look now" 

 

"I don't wanna look" Guanlin retorted, " _gosh_ , not like that" Jihoon groaned in annoyance, before bumping into Guanlin on his way out

 

"Asshole," Guanlin shook his head, as he brushed his teeth, thinking back to how Jihoon looked flustered, and how cute his body actually was

 

Washing his face, and praising his visuals, Guanlin stepped out the washroom, finding Jihoon sat on his bed, looking extremely cute in his clothes, which were far too oversized for him

 

Guanlin would never admit that out loud though

 

"You look stupid," Guanlin instead said, contrary to what he had in mind, surprising Jihoon, "your fashion sense is stupid" Jihoon hissed back 

 

Guanlin loudly laughed, "Park Jihoon wants to make fun of my fashion sense? All you wear are mismatched clothes like a five year old, and pink clothes like a fucking twink, it makes me wonder if I'm the gay one, or if _you're_ actually the gay one" 

 

"I look cute, and pull it off!" Jihoon quickly defended, raising his tone

 

"Whatever, go to sleep, and don't wake up" Guanlin snorted, jumping on his bed, shutting his eyes, exhausted 

 

Jihoon could only fidget with his thumbs, wondering on how he should sleep, still embarrassed from the previous time he ended up sleep walking to Guanlin's room, waking up all cuddled up with the younger 

 

And on the other hand, his eyes darted towards the bathroom door, wanting to throw up all the contents he had eaten, feeling guilty and disgusting about his body shape, not feeling comfortable 

 

Recently, the boy began throwing up everything he ate, _if_ he even ate, or just not eating at all. Jihoon knew it was unhealthy, but he had to do what he felt was right to get in shape for the competition, _no one would pick someone who was chubby_

 

"What are you thinking about?" Guanlin asked out of nowhere, staring up at Jihoon who was startled by his voice, "n-nothing, go to sleep" Jihoon shortly answered, turning his back to Guanlin. But Jihoon had no intentions of sleeping, he was waiting for Guanlin to fall into deep slumber so he could finally do what he had to do

 

Nearly twenty minutes had passed by, hearing Guanlin's soft breaths, confirming he was fast asleep, Jihoon slowly tip toed out the bed, towards the bathroom

 

Everytime he was in this position, he only felt shameless as ever. The guilt building up more and more, knowing if his best friend Daehwi ever knew, his heart would shatter, and how disappointed and betrayed he'd be, especially after all his attempts of cooking and feeding Jihoon

 

"I'm sorry.." Jihoon whispered, feeling ashamed, thinking back to his father, wanting nothing more than to feel confident in his body so he could comfortably dance and win the competition, and win the grand prize so he could help with his father's operation costs

 

The boy bit his lip, preventing himself from crying, the tears welling up in his eyes, throat growing dry as he forced himself to throw up, coughing lightly 

 

" _Jihoon?_ " A sleepy and groggy voice asked from behind him. Jihoon froze in his spot, flushing the toilet quickly, rushing to wash his mouth, knowing he'd gotten caught 

 

 _Maybe Guanlin's too sleepy to have seen_ , Jihoon thought 

 

"Jihoon, look at me" Guanlin demanded, a stern tone Jihoon's never heard before, ignoring it, as he felt himself become smaller

 

"Jihoon..." Guanlin whispered, grabbing Jihoon's shoulders, making the boy face Guanlin. The elder couldn't face him, head ducked down, staring at his feet, insecure and disgusted under Guanlin's stare

 

_Guanlin probably thinks I'm a freak_

 

"W-why were you throwing up?" Guanlin asked, hands still on the elder's shoulders. Jihoon felt his body shiver upon Guanlin's question, lips quivering, knowing he'll breakdown soon, _and he did_

 

He felt embarrassed for being insecure about his body, felt embarrassed for being a disappointment to his parents, not being able to help out. He felt embarrassed for not having a good body, he felt embarrassed for not having a girl in his life, fucking fake dating a boy, and stooping so low. He felt embarrassed for throwing up his food, for starving, for being unhappy. He felt embarrassed for being caught by Guanlin, who'll look at him completely differently now. So Jihoon couldn't give an answer, instead tears rushing down his cheeks, neverending, uneven breathing, chest rising 

 

Guanlin's eyes widened, not knowing what to do, as he pulled Jihoon's body close to his, laying the elder's head on his chest, who cried nonstop, shaking every once in a while, clutching onto Guanlin's shirt, "I'm h-hurting s-so m-much" Jihoon hiccuped, wrapping his arms around Guanlin's waist, finding comfort in the younger's hold, burying his face deeper into Guanlin's wet shirt. Guanlin couldn't speak, he only rubbed circles around the boy's back, "shh, you won't be hurting for too long" Guanlin managed to let out, holding Jihoon tighter, the boy who needed comfort the most right now

 

"I-I-m s-so d-disgusting a-and p-pathetic" Jihoon cried harder, as Guanlin cradled him in his arms, " _Park Jihoon, you're many things, but not disgusting and pathetic,_ " Guanlin whispered, holding Jihoon's cheek, gently wiping his tears away

 

_Even when he cried, he managed to look beautiful_

 

"I'm a disappointment, and I hate myself f-for i-it"

 

"You're not a disappointment, you're literally pushing yourself towards every limit, even the harmful limits that shouldn't be crossed, like starving yourself, and throwing it all up. _That's_  disappointing part, and I hope you don't repeat it," Guanlin responded, the most serious and sincere he's ever been since meeting Jihoon

 

"P-please don't t-tell Daehwi, h-he'll get worried, and he'll be m-mad at me" 

 

"Take care of yourself first, before being concerned about what others will feel about you. I won't tell Daehwi, but he's the last person to be mad at you, Daehwi could never, he's the sweetest person in the world.." For some reason, Jihoon's insides tingled upon hearing Guanlin praising Daehwi, or maybe he's envious knowing Guanlin would never speak highly about Jihoon that way

 

"Here, drink some water, and get some rest" Guanlin whispered, dragging the boy to bed

 

"T-thank you for comforting me, s-sorry about your s-shirt" Jihoon sniffed, gulping down the water

 

"Promise to take care of yourself from now on, or I won't do your showcase Jihoon, and neither will you when you fall ill and end up on a hospital bed" Guanlin spoke, staring up at the ceiling

 

_"Promise"_

+

 

Guanlin woke up at 6am, staring at Jihoon's sleeping body next to him. He looked so peaceful, snoring softly, lips parted, chest rising with every breath

 

_He was truly beautiful_

 

Guanlin stared for three minutes, the sudden flashback from the previous night  rolled in his mind, making his stomach drop. Jihoon looked so broken and weak, a side he never showed 

 

 _"I really hope you keep your promise Park Jihoon"_ Guanlin whispered, sighing sadly, bringing his hand down to stroke Jihoon's cheek lightly, as the elder stirred in his sleep

 

To say the least, Guanlin worried for Jihoon. He'd worry for anyone else, but with Jihoon, he became more dedicated in making sure he was healthy 

 

And so, Guanlin slowly walked to the bathroom in the hallway, not wanting to wake up the elder, washing up as he left to go outside 

 

Before he left, he checked up on Jihoon once more, smiling sadly as he watched the boy sleep peacefully 

 

 _2 hours later_  

 

Jihoon had finally woken up, opening his eyes slowly, stretching his body, feeling like he'd finally gotten sleep in years

 

For a second, he was content, until memories from last night's events came back, making him frown 

 

The boy adjusted to the sunlight, until his nose was filled with multiple food scents 

 

"Oh you're up, finally" He heard Guanlin step into the room, with a rolling tray table filled with food

 

"I got you some food, and you're eating all of it," Guanlin spoke sternly, Jihoon could only stare at him with a confused stare, heart beginning to flutter 

 

"F-for m-me? When did you even- what?" Jihoon was more than confused, rubbing his eyes once again, making sure he wasn't dreaming or in some illusion as Guanlin set a tray over his legs

 

"Breakfast in bed, and I left early in the morning to buy all this for you, it took a long time since many shops were closed from the storm last night"

 

Jihoon's breath was caught in his throat, as he watched Guanlin lean over his body, fixing the sheets to make Jihoon's space comfortable 

 

_Why is my body feeling this way?_

 

"Guanlin.." Jihoon breathed out, voice croaking

 

"N-no, don't cry again please" Guanlin immediately rushed, raising his hands in the air to stop Jihoon from crying

 

"I can't believe you did all this, thank you oh my god.." Jihoon finished, gasping at the reality, his view of Guanlin drastically changing 

 

"Here, eat this please" Guanlin offered, shoving food at his face

 

Jihoon slowly looked at Guanlin, before glancing at the bread he'd held out for Jihoon, slowly picking it up, taking a small bite, "fucking pussy, take a bigger bite" Guanlin rolled his eyes, shoving the bread right in Jihoon's face

 

Guanlin would not leave Jihoon's side, watching him, and making sure he'd eaten everything 

 

The boy watched Jihoon with a small grin, making sure Jihoon hadn't caught him smiling, stealing small glances

 

_"From now on, you have to do a better job at taking care of yourself better Park Jihoon, or I'll have no choice but to take care of you"_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did y'all hear that? it's me killing myself bc fuck i love panwink omg PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBACK I UPDATED A LOT AAAA AND ILL START WRITING THE NEXT CHAPTER !!! ALSO SUBSCRIBE FOR FIRST UPDATE NOTIFS !! :D TY !!


	9. n i n e

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter just made me go through so many emotions ohmygod ! i love guanlin so much i wanna hug him n pepper him w love and kisses

Today was the first day Guanlin and Jihoon would rehearse together

 

"Fuck this, I can't do this," Jihoon hissed, hearing the faint sounds of melodies playing from rooms away, jogging to the security room 

 

"I can't do this anymore" Jihoon breathed out, once again barging inside the room, startling Guanlin, who'd jumped up hitting his head on the wall behind him

 

Jihoon's eyes widened, rushing to the younger's side, "s-shit sorry, oh my god" the boy spluttered out, rubbing at Guanlin's head, who stayed silent _for once,_ instead of screaming profanities at Jihoon like his usual self

 

Jihoon was clearly wrong

 

"You fuckface piece of shit annoying brat a diseaster, messy vile son of a bitch, a fucking bastard little cunt-" Guanlin began reciting, planning Jihoon's murder in his mind 

 

"Okay okay, I get it, I'm sorry-" Jihoon raised his hands defensively, as Guanlin slapped the elder's hand away, suddenly pinning Jihoon against the wall with his hands above his head

 

 _"You piss me off so fucking much, barge in here again one more time, I swear Park Jihoon I will break that pretty little face of yours, got it?"_ Guanlin hissed, roughly letting go of Jihoon's wrists, who only became flustered upon their proximity, and at the fact that Guanlin just called him pretty 

 

"Anyways, why'd you come here anyways?" 

 

"I uhm, can you move the piano into the dance studio, so I could hear the music more clearly-"

 

"No"

 

"But come on, please. I really can't hear it well, and it affects my performance, please Guanlin" Jihoon begged, whining at the younger

 

"You want me to drag this _fatass_ piano to the dance studio? So I could be more closer to you and up close, having to be put through the torture of watching you dance? _I'll pass_ " Guanlin snorted, sitting down to play the piano, ignoring Jihoon's scowl

 

"Guanlin please.." Jihoon whined, inviting himself over to Guanlin's lap, "oppa please" Jihoon attempted aegyo, batting his lashes at Guanlin, having no care about his dignity whatsoever 

 

Guanlin shut his eyes, breathing hard, "get the fuck off me"

 

"Nuh uh, not until you help me bring the piano over" Jihoon budged, having no intention of getting up until he got what he wanted 

 

"Park Jihoon-"

 

"Does your mouth never hurt from swearing at me so much?" Jihoon asked, a playful smile on his lips, "and doesn't your mouth hurt from breathing so much? Maybe you should stop" 

 

"You'd cry if I died" Jihoon smirked, making himself more comfortable on Guanlin's lap, the younger not even conscious to his actions, unaware that his hands were holding the elder in place

 

"I'd dance in front of your grave" Guanlin rolled his eyes, causing Jihoon to giggle 

 

"I think I'd die from seeing you dance actually"

 

"Hey! I could dance well!" Guanlin quickly defended himself, Jihoon toppling over with laughter, a sound Guanlin was growing fond of, _but he wouldn't show it_

 

"Have a dance battle with me then"

 

"How about I stab you instead?" Guanlin retorted, not ready for Jihoon's response

 

"Ooo _kinky_ "

 

"Now I'm really going to stab you"

 

And the both began bickering again, forgetting that they still haven't made any progress for the showcase

 

"What's the prize I'll get if I help you bring the piano to the dance studio?" Guanlin asked, pushing Jihoon off his lap in the process

 

Jihoon thought for a bit, before smiling, "the reward of watching me dance up close?" 

 

"I said prize _not_ punishment" Guanlin shook his head, Jihoon frowning at his response. A sudden idea sparking in Guanlin's mind, "...actually, you could do something, it's a small request, but _only_ if you're up for it" Guanlin smirked, eyeing the elder who looked terrified upon Guanlin's words

 

"What the fuck do you want now?"

 

"What's my contact saved as in your phone?" Guanlin inquired

 

 _"I don't even have it saved"_ Jihoon answered right away, with a shrug and a smug look on his face

 

"What?" Guanlin repeated, "you don't have my contact saved?" Quite shocked.

 

"Nope"

 

"Well now you're gonna save it as _'my baby'_ and if you don't, I'm not doing playing for you in the dance studio" 

 

"I'm not saving your contact as 'my baby' are you crazy?"

 

"Yes"

 

Clearly Guanlin wasn't lying, and was not going to give up, after a whole four minutes later, Jihoon sent daggers towards Guanlin's way, before changing his contact name, as Guanlin watched to make sure, grinning to himself

 

"Okay, let's move this piece of shit to the dance studio!" Guanlin clapped his hands enthusiastically 

+

After ten minutes of obscene noises from dragging a piano the room, and more bickering along the way, the piano was set at the dance studio

 

"We did it," Jihoon breathed out, falling down to his knees

 

"What do you mean 'we?' I did most of the work!" Guanlin scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest

 

"You're kidding right? All you did was push from the back, as I literally dragged it, with strength, _something you lack_ " Jihoon shot back, baffled at Guanlin

 

"Whatever, did you eat today?" Guanlin asked, the main thing he'd ever care about Jihoon 

 

But when the elder stayed silent, his question was already answered, sighing loudly. "You promised to take care of yourself, and you're not fulfilling that promise now, it's already 4pm, and you haven't eaten anything, are you serious?"

 

Jihoon looked down at his feet, he shouldn't be smiling in this situation, but here he was, gushing. No one besides Daehwi, has ever showed concern or care for him, especially coming from Guanlin who is cold towards him almost all the time, was fluttering for Jihoon, and foreign 

 

"Why the fuck are you smiling?" The younger snapped, staring at Jihoon, who was still unable to meet Guanlin's gaze

 

Why was it so hard for Guanlin to care for Jihoon in a much nicer approach? A thought that often raced through Jihoon's mind, the boy fiddling with his thumbs, the only sound of Guanlin's feet tapping away

 

"It's just weird, you know? Getting used to the fact that sometimes you care about me.." Jihoon admit, shyly looking back up to see Guanlin's expression soften, coughing when their eyes meet 

 

"You're acting like you've never been cared before or something.." Guanlin mumbled, looking away 

 

Jihoon chuckled, sadly speaking, "my parents never had time for me growing up, dad was a drunkard, mom just never chose the whole parenting role at a young age. You could say I was a surprise, or simply a mistake...The only person who's been close to me nearly my whole life was and still is Daehwi, he's constantly checking up on me, and now you being determined to making sure I eat and all, gosh sorry if I'm rambling, I just appreciate it?" 

 

Guanlin listened to every word spoken by the elder, something twisting on the inside, as he watched Jihoon's mood falter. He wants to hug Jihoon, hell, he wants to kiss the boy, but he couldn't 

 

He couldn't be open to someone who'll be there for him for a temporary amount of time, especially because their relationship was built off deals. Guanlin knew it was wrong, slowly becoming infatuated with someone who won't ever be his, Jihoon will soon be out his life, and they'll never have to cross paths. On top of that, Jihoon was the complete opposite of Guanlin; he was straight, so it truly wouldn't work out. Jihoon will have a pretty girlfriend in the future, while Guanlin is left with the bare minimum choices because he lives in fucking Korea

 

So Guanlin had all his reasons to be cold towards the boy, he lost someone dear to him before, and he would not risk the chances of being hurt again

 

"Don't think too much of it, I'm just being a decent person" Guanlin shrugged the elder off, "we should practice for a bit, and then grab some food"

 

Jihoon wish he knew why Guanlin looked so emotionless suddenly, but this was Guanlin, with his constant mood changes.

 

"Our first official session together.." Jihoon smiled, stretching his body, as Guanlin tuned the piano, simply nodding. Usually Guanlin would say something stupid, like a rude remark along the lines of 'hopefully our last one too,' but he simply was quiet 

 

Had Jihoon said something wrong? All he did was thank the boy, and show appreciation 

 

Guanlin began playing the piano, Jihoon becoming immersed into the melody, his body instantly reacting as he swayed around the room, taking up all the space he can, comfortably dancing swiftly with light steps 

 

As Jihoon moved around the room, Guanlin raised his eyes to watch the boy, soon becoming mesmerized with Jihoon's footwork. Guanlin's notes became more intense, as so did Jihoon's spinning gracefully, falling into a split, Guanlin could only think of one word as he watched; _beautiful_  

 

It was simply beautiful watching Jihoon dance, he could tease the boy all he wanted, but at the end of the day, Jihoon's performance was absolutely captivating, drawing anyone's attention 

 

Guanlin hadn't noticed that Jihoon stopped dancing, and that his eyes weren't off the elder until he heard Jihoon breathing heavily beside him, causing Guanlin to scoot over

 

"I'm so exhausted," Jihoon huffed, subconsciously dropping his head onto Guanlin's shoulder, "here drink this" the younger handed his water bottle to Jihoon, who looked at with an 'are you sure?' mixed with a 'are you trying to poison me?' look, regardless he drank the water

 

"Guanlin.." Jihoon spoke out loud, head still laid on the younger's shoulder 

 

"Hmm"

 

"Are you okay?" Jihoon wondered, not comfortable with the younger's quiet and dull mood

 

"Yeah, why do you ask?" 

 

"You just...you seem off?" Jihoon responded, unsure himself

 

"I'm fine, you're being stupid _as per usual_ " the younger snorted, as Jihoon groaned, feeling stupid for worrying about the younger 

 

"I'm gonna leave now, eat something before you go home, and send me a picture as proof, or I'll stop playing for you" Guanlin ordered, before walking out the room, leaving Jihoon to wonder why Lai Guanlin was the way he was, making him confused and frustrated second by second 

 

"Aish...I wish I understood you" Jihoon whispered to himself

 

Just as Jihoon squatted down, Guanlin popped inside once more, "and don't forget dinner at my parent's place tomorrow, if you screw anything up, I will fucking make sure you don't live to see another day, bye!"

 

Lai Guanlin was not only confusing, but crazy 

 

_To: my baby_

_just grabbed some food !! :)_

 

Cringing at the contact name Guanlin forced him to save. Not expecting Guanlin to even read it, let alone reply, Jihoon was nearly about to put his phone away when he heard a 'ding'

 

_From: my baby_

_< 3_

_Fuck_

_Wrong emoji oh my god_

_I was gonna send the puking emoji, ignore that_

_My keyboard froze fuck you_

_Delete my number._

 

Jihoon began laughing hard as he read the multiple messages Guanlin spammed him with, finding it endearing, the fact that Guanlin could get so worked up easily

 

_To: my baby_

_You won't have to say that twice_

_Just deleted it_

 

Jihoon grinned, looking down at his screen, as he saw the bubbles appear, indicating that Guanlin was typing

 

"Who is texting mister Park Jihoon, to cause that cheesy smile? Does my best friend have a girl perhaps?" Daehwi wiggles his brows from across the table, as Jihoon began to eat

 

"I'm not smiling"

 

"Okay, and I'm blind"

 

_From: my baby_

_Park Jihoon save my number back again now!_

_And my name better be 'my baby'_

_Don't think I forgot about that_

 

Guanlin reminded the elder, Jihoon groaning as he read Guanlin's warnings through the messages 

 

_To: my baby_

_You're so irritating_

 

_From: my baby_

_Idc baby boy princess_

_Prepare to meet my birth givers tomorrow_

_Make sure to be gay and convincing, I know that's hard for an ugly heterosexual like yourself_

_Goodnight, do let the bed bugs bite_

 

Jihoon scoffed at his screen, wanting to punch the younger, putting his phone away

 

"Do let the bed bugs bite," Jihoon huffed in annoyance, but a small smile on his lips as he fell into deep slumber, anxious for the next day

+

"Repeat the lines one more time" Guanlin went over for hundredth time, making Jihoon groan, as they were parked out a few streets down from Guanlin's parent's complex

 

"Ah, I met your wonderful son at his workplace actually. I was starving one day and he happened to have served me, his dazzling smile captured my attention. I started going back there for the food, and to see a glimpse of your gorgeous son, he always threw me cute smiles, so I finally found the courage to ask for his number, and I fell for him more and more everyday. I eventually asked him out, and we've been dating happily for three weeks! You've raised a beautiful, smart, amazing son." Watching Guanlin smile and mock Jihoon as the elder finished repeating the same lines

 

"Okay perfect!" Guanlin clapped, as Jihoon pulled up in front of his parent's apartment 

 

Jihoon took a sharp intake of air, growing anxious. If he messes up, Guanlin would literally hate him forever, and a few weeks ago Jihoon could have sworn he wanted Guanlin out his life, but now he wants the boy to be a long term friend 

 

"Hey, don't worry too much, just act natural, and smile" Guanlin reassured, slowing interlocking their hands together. Jihoon felt his breath stop at his throat, slowly looking down at their linked hands

 

 _This was all an act_ , don't worry Jihoon

 

Jihoon simply nodded as Guanlin knocked his parents door, revealing a lady with similar features as Guanlin. Must be his mom

 

"Guanlin-ah! You never visit, my son, you look so handsome, wah," his mother gushed, not acknowledging Jihoon's presence, too caught up with her son

 

"Yah, you saw me last week on skype, _eomma, this is Park Jihoon my boyfriend."_  

 

Even though it was an act, it was the first time Jihoon heard those words escape the Taiwanese boy's mouth, Jihoon's body reacting quickly upon them, stunned

 

His mother's gaze shifted, finally landing on Jihoon, who became small and insecure under her stare, "what a handsome boy, to think all this time you were really lying and joking..." Guanlin's mother spoke, a nervous chuckle escaping her mouth, "come in, come in"

 

The two boys entered their home, Jihoon's hands still in Guanlin's, who would check up on Jihoon from time to time. As Jihoon's mother led them to the living room, while she still prepared dinner, Guanlin turned to face the boy, tightening his grip on the elder's hand

 

"Are you okay?" the boy asked, worry in his eyes, Jihoon nodded slowly, giving Guanlin's hand a small squeeze

 

Jihoon looked vulnerable, and smaller than he already was, lips into a small pout. How badly Guanlin wanted to kiss those lips again, wanting a moment to come up soon

 

"I-Is dad coming?" Guanlin asked his mother, looking back to seeing Jihoon play with his fingers on the couch

 

"He uhm, I'm sorry Guanlin-ah, he didn't want to take any part of this, it's okay son, I'm here for you though, and I love you" his mother smiled sadly, reaching up to stroke her son's face, whose smile faltered as well

 

"I'll just uhm, show Jihoon hyung around" the boy weakly spoke, wanting to leave the house as quickly as possible 

 

The boy walked towards Jihoon, grabbing his arm, pulling him up towards his room

 

"Where are you taking me?" Jihoon asked

 

"My room" a short response, almost scary at how emotionless it was, resembling monotone 

 

"Are you okay? Where's your dad? Why do you look so-"

 

Suddenly Guanlin's lips were on Jihoon's, not thinking straight as he held onto the smaller's body, not getting a reaction from Jihoon, still moving his lips, slowly feeling Jihoon kiss back

 

Guanlin was not happy. He thought his dad would change for his sake, for his happiness. But he never did. He would never accept Guanlin as his son until he had a girl in his arms.

 

_But Guanlin would never have a girl in his arms_

 

Guanlin knew who he was, and nothing would change that. Even if his own stubborn dad would not accept him. It hurt him, of course. Knowing your own father hated you and practically cut you away from his life simply for your sexuality, but Guanlin never expected it to be that bad

 

So Guanlin just wanted to hold someone close to his body, and get high and loose from the feeling of having someone against you, and Park Jihoon was the only one he needed, kissing the boy harder. Guanlin sucked on Jihoon's bottom lip, grabbing the elder's neck to feel him closer, pushing him against the wall, nibbling on the elder's bottom lip, hearing Jihoon let out a small gasp. It's what Guanlin called music to his ears, until the music came to a full stop as Jihoon rested his hands on Guanlin's chest, breathing heavily 

 

Reality finally hit him, as he pulled away from Jihoon quickly. "I'm sorry. Fuck. I shouldn't have done that, we weren't in a situation where we had to kiss, look I don't feel well, my mind's all over the place and that totally wasn't cool and I wasn't thinking straight, sorry, fuck" Guanlin rambled on, clawing at his own hair

 

Jihoon could only put his hand on Guanlin's shoulder, "I know you're frustrated, _it's the only reason why I even kissed you back_...Guanlin, what's wrong?" Guanlin wished his heart didn't twist once those words slipped out of Jihoon's mouth. He only kissed him out of pity and because of the moment. And that's all Guanlin would receive from Jihoon, _they were nothing but an act_

 

"My dad isn't here because he fucking hates the person I am, okay? Happy?" Guanlin raised his tone, making Jihoon flinch

 

_"If you don't hate the person you are, then anyone else's opinion of you should never matter. And I could never hate the person you are, especially when you're happy with who you are"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I JUST WANNA FUCKING HUG GUANLIN GOSH Uhhh PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS AND FEEDBACK BOOKMARK N SHIT IF U WANT UPDATES FIRST ILL UPDATE LONGER CHAPTERS SOON TYSM FOR READING OFMFMFM


	10. t e n

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly this chap wasn't my best aaa i've been feeling down so sorry for the crappy chapter but uhm some shit was revealed !!

"I'm fucking tired of him!" Seongwoo exclaimed dramatically, as he ranted to Jihoon

 

"Today we were studying together when all of a sudden he grabs my face and kisses me! Out of nowhere! And then guess what? He just fucking raced off! I'm so tired of his weird mood swings and whatever he's been doing. He might as well suck me off and say 'no homo' after" 

 

Seongwoo had been ranting about Daniel for the past hour, not helping Jihoon clean up for the surprise party Jinyoung was throwing for Hyungseob's birthday. All Jihoon had in mind was whether all his friends were slowly turning gay

 

" _Anyways_ , enough about me, what's up with you and that Guanlin kid? And why does he always look like he's about to stab you if you stand any less than ten feet away from him" To that, Jihoon's head shot up, nearly about to have a heart attack, thinking Seongwoo noticed them becoming close; but he figured the opposite 

 

"Just some annoying kid who's helping me for my showcase," Jihoon carelessly responded, hoping to change the topic of conversation. Seongwoo slowly nodded, about to speak again, before Jihoon jerked up, leaving the elder behind

 

"Asshole.." Seongwoo muttered under his breath, returning to sweep the floor

 

Guanlin on the other hand, watched Jihoon struggle to reach the top of the wall to tape balloons on, clearly amused

 

_"Cute..."_

 

"Well are you gonna stand there like a fucking dumbass or help me?" Jihoon practically barked, glaring at Guanlin who shot a smug look at the boy, shrugging, "hmm I think I'll just stand here, why, does my princess need some help?"

 

Jihoon took a deep breath, wanting to slap the smirk off the younger's face, balling his fists by his side. "Will you stop calling me princess?" the elder hissed, with a strong hatred for the nickname. Realizing that Guanlin had no motive to help him, he struggled once again, attempting to tape the balloons on the wall

 

Guanlin leaned back onto the wall, watching Jihoon become frustrated, shirt slightly riding up his waist as he stood on his tip toes. Guanlin wished his eyes didn't travel towards the elder's exposed tan skin, but he was clearly distracted.

 

"Aish move," the younger gave up on watching Jihoon struggle, when really he couldn't be put through the torture and teasing by the elder. But before Jihoon could move aside, Guanlin trapped Jihoon against the wall, raising the balloon, almost back hugging Jihoon, who was soon flustered by the proximity, darting his eyes towards every direction

 

"There..." Guanlin sighed, detaching himself from Jihoon, who was finally able to breath after the very close contact 

 

"Drink more milk midget" Guanlin snickered at Jihoon, "shut the fuck up"

 

"Make me"

 

Instead of firing back, Jihoon rolled his eyes, stomping away back to the kitchen where he saw Seongwoo chat away with Daniel?

 

Guanlin smirked watching the elder walk away, the same scowl on his round pretty face. Feeling his phone vibrate, seeing that his mother had called him

 

"Hello?" Guanlin spoke into the speaker, his mother not even greeting him, but going straight to asking about Jihoon

 

"I really like this boy..bring him over again," his mother spoke from the call. Guanlin felt his insides become uneasy upon the words, how disappointed his mother would be if she knew it was all an act. From the way she spoke about Jihoon, the boy seemed to have been a great actor, making a great impression on Guanlin's mother

 

"I-uh, he's really busy.." Guanlin quickly cut his mother off, "no! Let me talk to him now Lai Guanlin, bring him over to the phone," his mother spoke sternly, causing Guanlin to sigh in defeat, "alright, I'm gonna text him, so I'll call you in 5 minutes okay?"

 

In all honesty, Guanlin couldn't pull Jihoon to the side in front of many people to ask him to talk to his mother. It would be too suspicious, so he resented to texting the elder 

 

_To: Park Jihoon_

_come to my bedroom now_

 

Guanlin sat on his bed, rethinking all his stupid decisions, finalizing that the fake boyfriend was his most outrageous one. He couldn't bear seeing Jihoon and his mom getting attached, only to break it to her that they were no longer a pair. Or how devastated she'd be if she knew they were pretending, especially after all she's put up with, defending him from his father, and changing her opinions as well

 

_From: Park Jihoon_

_No_

_Last time I came to your bedroom, you kissed me out of the blue because you weren't thinking straight_

 

The Taiwanese boy smirked upon reading the message, typing up his own reply 

 

_To: Park Jihoon_

_i wasn't thinking straight bc i'm gay. (lmao get it?) you enjoyed the kiss though, you even moaned, princess_

 

That totally would fluster Jihoon, and Guanlin always enjoyed pulling at the elder's strings 

 

_From: Park Jihoon_

_I didn't fucking moan, I was just surprised!_

 

_To: Park Jihoon_

_It's okay to admit you enjoyed the kiss, maybe if I was a girl it wouldn't be so hard to accept_

 

Jihoon never replied after that, but Guanlin was right in a sense, and he kept Jihoon thinking

+

"I envy Woojin and Hyungseob so much, their relationship's just so, I don't know how to explain it, but they seem so happy.." Daehwi spoke, as Jinyoung and him waited for the birthday cake to be picked up from the bakery

 

"So you don't mind that they're two boys?" Jinyoung asked, geuinely curious to how Daehwi felt, especially being confirmed with his own feelings that he did in fact like Daehwi a lot. And it would crush Jinyoung if Daehwi was against relationships involving two men

 

But instead, Daehwi giggled, shaking his head. "I'm Girls Generation's biggest fan, I have shirtless posters of Kai, I stare at attractive men secretly when we walk on the streets, I don't think I could be against their relationship because they're two boys when _I myself,_ like boys a little too." The simple, yet massive confession was all Jinyoung needed to let his confidence burst up high in the air, he may have a chance with the younger now. But before he focused on that, it had hit him that his best friend just confessed to liking boys as well

 

"You..?" Jinyoung stared at the boy wide eyed, who slowly nodded with a wide smile, "yes I like boys too.." the younger whispered into Jinyoung's ear, the secrecy between them so no one else around them could hear 

 

Perhaps it was the fact that Daehwi confessed, Jinyoung wasn't as anxious as he was before, or maybe it was the fact that Lee Daehwi was the most accepting open person ever, that Jinyoung suddenly felt the urge to come out to him. Regardless, Jinyoung knew for a fact that he could finally tell Daehwi the truth 

 

"You're okay with that, right? I mean I'm confused myself, but I do know I would date a boy," Daehwi shrugged, popping a lollipop into his mouth. "Of course I'm okay with that, you're my best friend and I'd support you no matter what." No more words exchanged between them, just knowing eyes and smiles

 

As they waited for the cake to ring up, Jinyoung had been thinking a lot. How would it feel to wake up with Daehwi in his arms every morning? How would it feel to constantly have his bright personality around you to lift up your low moments? How would it feel to kiss him? To call him yours? It's everything Jinyoung wanted to experience, but was afraid of 

 

"You look like you're having a mid life crisis on whether you should get beef bulgogi or pork bulgogi," Daehwi giggled beside Jinyoung, snapping him out of his thoughts 

 

"Beef bulgogi always"

 

+

Jihoon could finally rest, throwing his body into Jinyoung's bed, letting out a loud groan

 

"Those bastards didn't even help.." Jihoon whined out loud to nobody, stretching his arms

 

"Yeah mom, I got it, no I'm not asking him, what?-" Jihoon heard faint noises of Guanlin speaking from outside his door

 

_Not ask who what?_

 

Curious to what Guanlin was talking about, Jihoon tip toed his way towards the door, pressing his ears against it

 

"He's nice...I'm happy he's my boyfriend too-" the elder heard shuffling on the other end, and guessing by Guanlin's speaking, he was currently lying to his mother about their relationship. Jihoon couldn't help but notice how Guanlin's tone was laced with him being unsure as he spoke, probably nervous from lying. Jihoon pressed on further, _"I love Jihoon hyung a lot-"_

 

False words that went through Jihoon's mind. It was the first time Jihoon heard the younger address him formally, without joking. 

 

_"I love Jihoon hyung a lot"_

 

Jihoon didn't know why he wanted to throw up upon hearing the words, lies disgusted him. But a part of them hoped it wasn't a lie.

 

_Because all Jihoon wants is to be loved_

 

The boy wanted to eavesdrop longer, but the next second his face went flying back, falling on his bottom as he fell to the floor. Guanlin had barged in, eyes going wide upon seeing Jihoon

 

"Shit! I-I'll call you later mom, bye!" Guanlin ended the call, rushing down to Jihoon's side, examining the elder's face who kept it covered with his hand from the pain

 

"My head hurts a lot.." Jihoon croaked out, as Guanlin began massaging the elder's forehead, subconsciously pulling the shorter male onto his lap

 

"Aish...what the fuck were you doing, literally glued to the door?" Guanlin asked, breath tickling Jihoon's lips as the younger was much too close to his face, examining the red beginning to form

 

"I uhm saw a bug.." Jihoon lied, not wanting Guanlin to know that he was actually eavesdropping on his conversation

 

To that, Guanlin stared at Jihoon, "you fucking pressed your face to the door to kill a bug?"

 

"In my defense, I wasn't even going to kill it, they-"

 

"Park Jihoon."

 

"They're living! I can't just kill them," Jihoon threw his hands in the air, geuinely defensive over killing living things

 

"Donald Trump is living, would you not kill him?" Guanlin asked, a serious look on his face as he prepped his elbows on the floor, staring up at Jihoon

 

"I wouldn't even get near that fat ugly bastard," Jihoon gagged, before a sly smile made its way onto his face, "I would kill you though, Lai Guanlin"

 

"That's cute princess, you could even have a date with my lawyers" Guanlin batted his lashes at Jihoon, who pushed the younger away from him

 

"Wait-" Guanlin pulled the boy back down onto his lap, Jihoon noticing just how intimate the position was, avoiding eye contact 

 

"Did you eat today?" the boy asked, hand still on Jihoon's 

 

The elder gulped, opening his mouth but closing it again. Throat growing dry as soon as Guanlin had asked that. He never knew just how much the younger actually cared about him

 

"Why do you care so much?" Jihoon blurted out accidentally, hoping Guanlin wasn't offended

 

The younger only smiled warmly, and Jihoon could admit, Guanlin's gummy smile was something he wanted to see more of 

 

_"Because I care about you dumbass"_

 

From all the made up lines both have spoken to put on a show of their fake relationship, for the first time, Jihoon believed the words Guanlin spoke

 

_"I care about you too..."_

 

Jihoon whispered, and maybe it wasn't the fact that Lai Guanlin was actually the best person at heart, despite his moody behaviors, or the fact that Jihoon's heart began to race. Or the fact that Guanlin flashed him the brightest smile ever, gums on display, dimple out, eyes twinkling upon hearing Jihoon's honest affectionate words was when Jihoon realized 

 

_Jihoon could say he was beginning to fall for Lai Guanlin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg sorry again for going ghost mode and the crappy chap my next one will be 3k+? that sounds good and much better tysm for reading please leave feedback


	11. e l e v e n

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEW UPDATE !!!!! sorry abt the last crappy chap but i made up for it in this chap which was a roller coaster wow !

The thought of possibly being attracted to Guanlin bothered Jihoon in multiple ways. For starters, he was a boy. 

 

Jihoon knew nothing was wrong with same sex relationships, but when it came down to him having possible attractions towards someone the same gender as him, felt wrong?

 

But on the other hand, Guanlin wasn't just _any_ boy, he was the younger boy with a sharp tongue, annoying smirk, perfect hair, cute gummy smile, and most of all the boy with a soft heart who actually cared for Jihoon more than he showed 

 

And _that's_ what Jihoon was slowly falling for. Falling for Guanlin felt right to him, just the idea was wrong. After all, it's not like he could hold the younger's hand, or even kiss him as they walk down the streets of Seoul, they'd be only looked down on

 

By second, Jihoon grew more relentless and frustrated from the growing thoughts, staring at Daehwi from a distance, watching his best friend smother all over Jinyoung, smiling and backhugging the boy. Feeling a small smile creep up onto his own face as he watched the two become so oblivious to their feelings, wondering how Daehwi came to know and accept that he liked boys as well

 

"You're thinking too hard, and your face looks stupid" Jihoon heard a voice behind him, and it was none other than Lai Guanlin

 

"Will you ever let me breathe?" Jihoon rolled his eyes, as Guanlin sat down beside him, _rudely_ pushing him

 

"I mean..most of the time I'd hope you stopped breathing, so to answer your question, _no_ I won't ever let you breathe," the boy smugly responded, the same gummy smile on display, and Jihoon wished his heart didn't clench upon sight, choosing to look away with a scoff, "waiting for the day something good comes out your mouth-" Jihoon muttered under his breath 

 

"You mean like that moan that came out your mouth when I kissed you, huh?" Guanlin teased, bringing his face closer onto Jihoon's shoulder, wiggling his eyebrows 

 

"You're so annoying, will you let that go? I was shocked, I mean who wouldn't? You randomly kissed me, with no warning!" Jihoon quickly defended, growing flustered, making Guanlin grin

 

"I'm sorry, next time I'll say 'Park Jihoon, I'm going to connect my pair of lips onto yours' yeah?" The younger mocked, shaking his head, and all Jihoon could think of was _next time_

+

There were two things Guanlin was great at. One, being annoying. And two, riling Jihoon up.

 

And with the both combined, he was able to manage to make Jihoon flustered, causing the elder to be more deep in thought. 

 

"Daehwi can I ask you something serious?.." Jihoon breathed out, fumbling with his thumbs as he looked down at his feet, nervous to even ask the question. Daehwi grew concerned, smile gone from his face as he walked over to his best friend. "Of course, what's up hyung?" 

 

"When did you like uhm, how do I put it-" growing nervous by the second, before exhaling, "how did you realize you liked boys, and how'd you cope with it?" 

 

To that, Daehwi raised his brow, staring at Jihoon. "Why do you ask?" 

 

 _Shit._ Jihoon panicked, nearly spluttering, "j-just curious, it's to help a friend who kind of needed advice" the elder quickly covered up, palms becoming sweaty. Daehwi hummed in acknowledgment, as Jihoon breathed in relief, glad the younger bought his crap

 

"Oh well in that case...There was never a time where my mind went like 'ding you like dick now'-" the younger stopped to giggle, Jihoon hearing every word with deep concentration, "but for me, it was kind of like, 'wow I really would hold his hand and kiss him like I would with any other girl' and the thought never bothered me? I find plenty of men attractive, but you already know who I like. Even though there's no guarantee on whether I'll ever be able to hold his hand, or let alone dream of calling him mine..." Daehwi stopped, his voice becoming sad, a small frown dancing on his lips, "I was still able to come to terms that I can like any other boy the way we're told to like girls." With a small shrug, Daehwi looked up to see Jihoon lost in thought 

 

"You okay there?" Daehwi asked suddenly, snapping the elder out his daze, "Y-yeah fine, thanks Daehwi, I'll make sure to tell my friend who was worrying that _it's okay_ " 

 

"Glad I could help, and you know who to come to in case your friend needs any more advice"

 

Jihoon smiled, nodding as he walked away towards the kitchen 

 

That friend was fake, it was Jihoon who needed the advice, and even though he still wasn't confirmed, at heart he was. Jihoon was sure that he didn't see Guanlin in the light of a friend, but rather something more. And it began to not only worry, but hurt him because he didn't want to like the boy, he knows he could never freely like him

 

"Why me...?" The boy whispered, running his hands through his hair in frustration, and soon to be pain. It wasn't like Jihoon could get rid of the boy and forget him either, he'd known the boy for nearly over a month, and he'll be there for another to help him with his showcase. So Jihoon was screwed, his feelings, and Guanlin were both unavoidable 

 

 _"Why couldn't you always be a dickhead and not care about me.."_ Jihoon kicked the wall, pouting 

 

+

 

Everyone gathered around the living room, hiding in many corners, waiting for Hyungseob's arrival. 

 

"Get your ass out of my face!" Jihoon hissed as he ducked down behind the couch, with Guanlin tower over him, practically sitting on the elder's head

 

"Get your face out of my ass!" Guanlin retorted back, not having any motives to move, already about to bicker before Sungwoon kicked Guanlin, causing the elder to plop onto Jihoon's lap, "both of you fucking shut up" the eldest glared, visible through the dark atmosphere 

 

"You have strong thighs, shortie" Guanlin whispered into Jihoon's ear, the elder feeling his throat grow dry from the very close, nearly no gap between them

 

The younger clung onto Jihoon like a bear, arms around his neck, in an awkward position with the younger's long legs somehow stretched out, Jihoon was worried that Guanlin's neck would dislocate from the way he cowered it down to meet Jihoon's level 

 

"He's on his way!" Woojin whisper/yelled, catching everyone's attention, the room becoming dead silent, with only Guanlin's soft breaths being heard and felt throughout Jihoon's body, slowly holding the younger tighter. Not even realizing that Guanlin rested his head at the crook of Jihoon's neck

 

 _It felt nice_ , Jihoon thought 

 

Snapping out of his internal thoughts, once he heard the door click, he felt Guanlin going stiff under his touch, burying his head closer to Jihoon to hide himself away

 

"Hello? Is anyone here? Murder me if you want bastard!" Hyungseob spoke to the dark room, in a playful tone, Jihoon nearly about to chuckle

 

_1...2...3_

 

"Surprise!" The whole room shouted, some off beat, Jaehwan being the last one to chant, growing flustered when everyone sent him a look of disapproval, especially Minhyun who rubbed at his temple

 

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Ahn Hyungseob, happy birthday to you!" The room began singing, as Woojin slowly walked up to his boyfriend who had a toothy grin, and a surprised face, covering his mouth

 

Woojin took Hyungseob into a tight embrace, kissing the top of his head, and Jihoon could only feel his heart going warm upon the sight. Everyone watched the two, admiring the scene being unfolded before their eyes. For some reason, Jihoon wondered how Guanlin's reaction would be, slowly moving his gaze towards the younger, who looked the purest he's ever seen Guanlin. The younger's eyes shone, a wide smile on his face, the cute dimple prominent on his cheek, as he watched Hyungseob and Woojin 

 

Jihoon hasn't realized that he was staring at Guanlin, with a small smile until he saw Guanlin turn to face Jihoon, shooting the elder a wink. Jihoon quickly turned away, back facing to Guanlin, feeling his cheeks heat up

 

 _But seeing that priceless smile was worth it_ , Jihoon thought to himself, before his eyes landed on Daehwi, who also watched Hyungseob and Woojin affectionately, his hand grabbing onto Jinyoung's pinky 

 

"You guys! Who's idea was this? Oh my god I really didn't expect this, stop stop I feel so cool!" Hyungseob gushed, pinching his own cheeks as if he was dreaming, Woojin watching the boy with fondness in his eyes, his snaggle tooth out as he smiled

 

"Your boyfriend here asked us all to throw this party for you," Seongwoo grinned, as Woojin began blushing, Hyungseob gasping in surprise, before hugging his boyfriend tightly, peppering the boy with kisses, "I love you so so much, Woojinnie, thank you" the boy giggled in excitement 

 

"Ew, enough of the gay shit, let's cut the cake, I'm fucking starving" Guanlin gagged, covering his eyes, "let me be cute with my boyfriend _asshole_ , you're just mad you don't have one as sweet as mine," Hyungseob huffed, sticking his tongue out at Guanlin

 

"I'll have a cuter boyfriend than yours, elf" Guanlin shot back, pinching Hyungseob's ear, who swatted his hand away

 

Jihoon felt his stomach drop, hearing those words. _Of course_ , soon enough they'll have to end whatever act they were playing, and one day Guanlin will have an amazing boyfriend, while Jihoon would have to cope or get over with his newfound feelings

 

Because as much as he'd like to admit he does like Guanlin, he'd have to eventually get over with it, _because they will always be an impossible_

 

Besides, not like Guanlin would ever even like Jihoon that way, their relationship was built off bickering, somewhat caring, and confusion. And Jihoon will have a girlfriend, hopefully in the near future 

 

As the party continued on, with just their friends, the scene almost too perfect. It was just them, and smiles around them. Jinyoung had suddenly got up, tapping glass to grab everyone's attention, the boy looked nervous

 

"Uh hey guys, I uhm wanted to say something, if I could have your attention" the boy spoke, nervousness laced in his voice, Jihoon watched the boy look at Guanlin, who sent him a smalls thumbs up

 

Now Jihoon grew extremely confused, and somewhat anxious to find out what Jinyoung was about to announce. The whole room silenced, waiting for Jinyoung to continue 

 

"You're all my friends, and I trust you guys more than anything, and today's a wonderful day, and I just thought it would be a great time for me to come out and say..."

 

Daehwi out of everyone, watched the boy with all his undivided attention, large eyes gaping at the elder, nearly on the edge. He watched Jinyoung pause, and take a deep breath

 

"I'm well, gay? Only Guanlin's ever known, and I trust you all to be accepting, and I thought it'd be great if you guys knew, so yeah, this is me, and I hope you're okay with that, sorry to take away the attention from the birthday boy-" Hyungseob waved the boy off, smiling proudly at Jinyoung. And Daehwi 

 

Daehwi looked like he had just won the lottery, clapping to himself as he watched Jinyoung finish, soon everyone began raising their drinks, "to Hyungseob's birthday, and Jinyoung's coming out ceremony!" Daniel cheered, a wide smile plastered on his face, resembling a puppy, as everyone followed. Jihoon slowly clapped, watching Jinyoung run to Guanlin's embrace, who ruffled his hair affectionately

 

Next, Daehwi ran towards Jinyoung, crushing him with a tight embrace, burying his face into the elder's chest, and all Jihoon could do, was feel his lungs close up, deciding that he needed fresh air, stepping out into the balcony 

 

Maybe it was the fact that the possibility of liking Guanlin, a boy, had raced throughout his mind, or the fear that he could potentially like him. Or the fact that if he did like Guanlin, he knew his friends would accept him, or the fact that Guanlin may never like him bottled up Jihoon's mind, but Jihoon was growing to be a mess

 

He felt like he couldn't breathe, shutting his eyes, and blocking out all the background noise, folding himself into his body, only the cold breeze surrounded him

 

He stayed like that for a while, before he felt a hand on his shoulder. Slowly turning around to be face to face with the person who's been running in his mind, someone he wants to avoid; Lai Guanlin

 

"Are you okay? You looked like you were about to throw up in there.." Guanlin asked, genuine concern writen all over his face. Jihoon didn't know why he wanted to cry upon seeing the boy, his throat going dry as a habit whenever he was around the younger. So instead he let his body take over, grabbing ahold of the boy, and hugging him

 

Jihoon learned another thing that night, it felt really good to be held by Guanlin. His smaller body was always enveloped by the younger's. Jihoon felt Guanlin wrap his arms around Jihoon's waist slowly, as if he was scared to touch Jihoon, and resting his chin on the elder's head

 

The suffocating feeling stopped, and Jihoon felt like he could breathe, burying his face into Guanlin's chest, breathing heavily as he felt Guanlin's steady heartbeats, " _Park Jihoon just willingly hugged me, where's the real Park Jihoon, who's this and what did you do to him?_ " Guanlin spoke, a playful tone, and Jihoon felt his lips curl up into a small smile, "I'm serious, are you okay?" Guanlin repeated, pulling away, raising Jihoon's chin with his finger to meet the elder's gaze

 

God, Jihoon wished he noticed sooner at how beautiful Guanlin was. His skin was gorgeous, porcelain like, his large eyes that made him look absolutely innocent, contrary to his not so innocent mouth and personality. And his lips, Jihoon not so subtly glanced at them, they were full and pink, and soft, and Jihoon felt his mouth water, thinking back to how the younger's lips molded well against his

 

Jihoon learned three things today. One, he was falling for Lai Guanlin. Two, he enjoyed being held by Guanlin. Three, Guanlin was beautiful

 

Jihoon also learned the difference between the feeling in his heart and his mind. In his heart, he knew deep down it felt great, the thought of liking Guanlin, but in his mind, everything that was wrong with liking Guanlin bottled up, making him anxious and bothered 

 

Jihoon shook his head, "Dunno, guess I'm a little exhausted is all," with a small shrug, and a forced smile

 

Guanlin tilted his head, examining Jihoon's face, before shaking his head. " _Liar_ , something else is bothering you, that smile was faker than Seongwoo hyung's so called heterosexuality," the younger spoke, causing Jihoon to smile for real, a laugh escaping his lips as well. Heart becoming warm as Guanlin picked out the smallest of lies Jihoon displayed. They barely showed affection towards each other, bickering 24/7, only knowing each other for over a month, yet Jihoon felt naked under the younger's stare

 

_It was like Jihoon was an open book to Guanlin_

 

"I know girls love it when you bring them ice cream when they're down, and well..you don't have a vagina, and neither are you human like to me-" Jihoon sent the younger a glare, expecting something sweet to come out his mouth, but of course Guanlin would manage to insult Jihoon at any chance, chuckling, "but maybe ice cream could cheer you up, and puppies! We could go to a dog cafe or something" Guanlin spoke excitedly, like a child, nearly about to bounce 

 

Jihoon hesitated, "b-but aren't those places usually where couples go? Let's just stay here, going to the cafe might be risky, and I don't want people thinking we're-"

 

Guanlin's face fell, "so? We're going to check the puppies out, not for me to fuck you on the tables or something" Guanlin spoke defensively, almost sounding offended, and Jihoon felt bad for ruining his good intentions, "s-sorry-"

 

"Look, I don't care if you're embarrassed of me, or maybe you just have a really huge fragile masculinity stick up your ass to cause you to get frightened to be seen with someone with the same genitals as you, just be upfront about it okay? Cause I'm tired of constantly having to pretend that I'm okay with it, you act like I'm ready to pounce on you whenever I suggest something, just because you know I like boys. Maybe I just have good intentions, trying to be a nice person, I would never take advantage of you, or hit on you. We're nothing but a fucking act, to think we could be friends or something-" Guanlin stopped, tone raising, a flash of annoyance in his eyes as Jihoon felt the uneasy pit growing in his stomach once again, the guilt arising

 

_"Sometimes I wonder if you'd treat me differently if you hadn't known I was gay"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow wow wOOWW uhm THOUGHTS???? this chap made me feel too many things omg i'll be updating soon in the next few hours PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBACK AND TYSM FOR READING !!


	12. t w e l v e

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAP OHMYGODODODOD ITSOSOS JUST READ

_"Sometimes I wonder if you'd treat me differently if you hadn't known I was gay"_

 

The last thing Guanlin said to Jihoon, before leaving the elder speechless and alone with his own thoughts and guilt. The words only repeated in Jihoon's mind like a constant cycle, making the pit in his stomach grow within every second 

 

Guanlin had it all _wrong_. Jihoon never once doubted his intentions, and he knew the younger would never intentionally pull anything to make Jihoon uncomfortable, but Jihoon couldn't voice that. The worst part was how Guanlin looked disappointed, the flash of hurt in his eyes, that bored into Jihoon's heart, the sight making Jihoon feel uneasy

 

"That Guanlin kid sure is handsome.." Jihoon heard Daniel say behind him, "ask him out then-" Another voice Jihoon couldn't pinpoint, laughed. For some reason, Jihoon felt himself becoming not only jealous, but possessive 

 

"Yah! I'm straight, don't joke about that!" Daniel lightheartedly laughed, "course you are.." Seongwoo murmured under his breath, and Jihoon just wanted to get away

 

He wanted to be around Guanlin so the others wouldn't get ahold of the younger. He wanted to apologize to Guanlin for being so stupid. But Guanlin was nowhere in sight, and he most likely didn't want to see Jihoon after he fucked up, for the second time

 

Sucking in a sharp breath, Jihoon began walking around the large apartment in search for the tall Taiwanese boy, asking many others for his whereabouts 

 

After five minutes of searching, and no signs of the boy, Jihoon dragged his body towards the balcony, sighing. 

 

"What have I gotten myself into..aish" Jihoon groaned, pulling at his hair. The boy stared out into the sky, until he heard laughter from the ground, staring off the balcony to make out Guanlin with some other boy, who Jihoon couldn't identify

 

The two seemed to be laughing over something, Guanlin's high pitched laugh making Jihoon smile, but falter as soon as the elder saw the unknown boy slide his hand down Guanlin's arm

 

_Don't touch what's mine_

 

Except, Guanlin was never Jihoon's to begin with. That was the sad reality, and Jihoon's constant confusion didn't help with the fact of what Jihoon wanted. Did he want Guanlin, or not? 

 

Not wanting to see the scene any longer, Jihoon raced out of the apartment, nearly pushing Hyungseob on the way, rushing downstairs. The boy frantically pressed the elevator buttons, some might confuse him to be psychotic, or think someone in his family's dying, from the way Jihoon was impatiently tapping away for the elevator to hurry up

 

Once the elevator came to halt, Jihoon steadied himself, not wanting Guanlin to know he was in a rush to see him. The boy checked his appearance in the lobby's mirror, before walking out to see Guanlin still chatting away with the boy, and Jihoon's eyes immediately trained down to see Guanlin laughing, and holding the arm hand carelessly. Jihoon balled his fists on his sides, walking up to Guanlin, tapping on his shoulder 

 

"Wha-Jihoon?" Guanlin's smile fell upon seeing Jihoon, speaking informally once again. But Jihoon chose to ignore that, breathing before he spoke up, "I want to go to the dog cafe, and I wanna go _now_ " practically demanding the boy, but really, he just wanted the unknown boy to stop clawing and throwing himself at Guanlin

 

Guanlin raised his brows at Jihoon, eyeing the younger with a judgmental stare, "I'm in the middle of talking to someone, go away" the boy waved Jihoon off, who gaped at him, _damn so this is what rejection felt like_

 

But Jihoon wasn't one to give up, "I wanna go now you have no choice," Guanlin turning around to send Jihoon a death glare, "stop annoying m-"

 

"Guanlin just go, text me later" the other boy chuckled, clearly amused, Guanlin groaned, glaring at Seonho as well. "Fine, and remember tomorrow okay?" Guanlin waved his friend off

 

Once Seonho was out of sight, Guanlin turned to face Jihoon, arms crossed over his chest, glowering at the elder, who smiled at him sheepishly

 

"What the fuck's up with you?" Guanlin practically barked at Jihoon, the elder startling at his tone

 

"I thought you didn't wanna fucking go because you're ashamed of me, so what's the sudden change of mind?" The younger continued, slight anger in his tone. Jihoon felt himself cower away, mostly upset that Guanlin would think that Jihoon could ever be ashamed by him. Then again, the way Jihoon spoke could spark the idea that he was

 

"I-I'm not ashamed of you, and I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. I'm just cautious and wary okay?-"

 

"Have you ever for one fucking second thought about me or how I feel? Yes, I am gay. But that doesn't mean I can go around telling or showing the rest of Korea that, am I right? I don't know why you act like my instincts include public affection, I'm smarter than that Park Jihoon. Behind closed doors, I can be open about my sexuality, but outside, _you and I are no different Park Jihoon_ , just two straight males. I have to mask away who I am so the world doesn't look down on me, when I'm out with friends, I have to pretend to find girls attractive, so quit acting like I'm dumb, or after you" 

 

Jihoon was speechless. He was speechless and his heart hurt for Guanlin, and all he wanted to do was hug him, and let him be himself. And the more Guanlin poured his heart out, the more Jihoon hated himself for having a fragile masculinity, and for one second being afraid to simply go out with Guanlin

 

"I'm sor-"

 

" _Please._ For the love of God, stop apologizing. Just say something else, not sorry"

 

Jihoon grew nervous around Guanlin, more than he should. And it's becoming something Jihoon felt recently, back then Jihoon was only frustrated, and annoyed. He still experienced all that, but with is newfound confused scattered feelings, he was nervous as well

 

"Let's go to the dog cafe," Jihoon said instead, hoping Guanlin wouldn't become mad again

 

"You're fucking crazy Park Jihoon, and confusing as hell," _but that's what I like about you_

 

Jihoon flashed the younger a smile, before pulling at his arm, dragging the boy to his car

+

 

The party had come to an end, the only people remaining in the apartment was Daehwi and Jinyoung. After Jinyoung's announcement, and their shared hug, the two hadn't exchanged any words after

 

All Daehwi could think about was the fact that his best friend, the boy he liked, liked boys as well. It made his heart flutter, smiling softly to himself

 

"Why're you smiling alone like a creep," Jinyoung asked behind him, Daehwi gasping at the sudden voice, clutching at his heart

 

"You gave me a fucking heart attack" Daehwi breathed out, with Jinyoung chuckling lightly, the breeze making his hair sweep slightly. All Daehwi could do was stare, because Bae Jinyoung was so breathtaking 

 

Not noticing that all he did was stare, until Jinyoung coughed, making Daehwi blink away, resting his arms onto the railing. 

 

"So we both uhm like boys I guess.." Daehwi spoke softly, with a small laugh. Jinyoung hummed, standing next to Daehwi, leaning on the rail for support, turning to face Daehwi, staring at the younger boy's profile. The boy was pretty, that's all Jinyoung could have in mind when describing Daehwi, besides all the other perfections that Lee Daehwi possessed 

 

Daehwi felt Jinyoung's eyes burn through him, growing insecure, shifting his eyes to his side to confirm that Jinyoung was in fact looking at him.

 

"And there's a certain boy I like too.." Jinyoung whispered, eyes still trained on Daehwi. The younger on the other hand, felt his heart drop, Jinyoung liked someone? 

 

Biting his lip, as his mind clouded, Daehwi nodded is head in acknowledgement, throat growing dry, "t-that's nice, I hope he likes you back," the boy croaked out, as Jinyoung took his eyes off him

 

"Hmm, I'd hope he likes me too. But I can't tell, he's too amazing for me. For starters, he's gorgeous, and his bright personality's no match for my dull one-"

 

"Don't say that! You're not dull, you're amazing, anyone would be lucky to have you," the younger quickly cut the elder off, Jinyoung was stunned smiling warmly at Daehwi, and his cute behaviors 

 

Daehwi immediately turned away, blushing at how obvious he could be, hoping Jinyoung hadn't caught on. Jinyoung pulled at the younger's hand, twirling him around 

 

"Anyone would be lucky to have me?" Jinyoung asked, eyes boring into Daehwi's, tone rather serious, as if he was searching for something in the younger's eyes, _"anyone.."_ Daehwi whispered

 

 _"Even you?"_ Jinyoung asked, after what felt like years, heart racing after realizing what he had just asked, seeing Daehwi's eyes widen.

 

_Great, way to fuck up Jinyoung_

 

"W-what?" Daehwi gulped, thinking his ears had deceived him. The elder had expected the boy to run off, or be weirded by him, but he didn't. Jinyoung repeated once again, confidently. He had nothing to lose, he had already asked once, no harm in asking a second time

 

"Would you, Lee Daehwi, be lucky in having me as yours?"

 

Daehwi took a deep breath, shoulders becoming tense, before he relaxed, nodding his head with confidence, _"y-yes I would"_

 

Those three words was all it took to have built up courage for Jinyoung to pull the boy onto his body, crashing his lips onto the younger's

 

In the first two or three seconds, Daehwi's body wasn't functioning, not able to process with whatever the fuck was happening, eyes wide as he saw Jinyoung with his eyes closed, and lips on Daehwi's. But soon after, Daehwi felt his shoulders relax, snaking his arms around Jinyoung's small body, and kissing back slowly 

 

There were no sparks as people would describe, just warmth. Daehwi felt warm, and he felt giddy. He was kissing the boy he'd been dreaming to be with the past few months. The boy who made his heart ache, who made him frustrated. All the pain and distraught washed away as soon as his lips were connected with Jinyoung's, Daehwi can't say he had much experience with kissing, but whatever he did seem to satisfy the elder

 

He felt Jinyoung smile into the kiss, and Daehwi shyly bit down on the elder's bottom lip, titling his head as he slipped his tongue in exploring his mouth. Jinyoung pulled Daehwi closer, _if_ there was even any space between them, chest to chest, nearly panting from kissing 

 

Jinyoung was the first to pull away, seeing Daehwi pout from the loss of contact, Jinyoung slowly raised his hand to caress the younger's cheek, chuckling as he rested his forehead on the Daehwi's, bringing his lips close to the younger's to steal another chaste kiss, opening his mouth to speak 

 

_"I think the boy I like, likes me back"_

+

As the skies became darker, Guanlin and Jihoon drove throughout the lit up streets, silence between them

 

"I wouldn't be surprised if the cops pulled aside, confusing you as a 12 year old who was driving," Guanlin snickered, watching Jihoon drive, his face deeply concentrated on the road, making the boy look more endearing

 

 _Stop being so cute,_ Guanlin thought

 

"I could name a million things the cops would actually pull you aside for," Jihoon snorted, as Guanlin raised his brows in curiosity, "like what? Stealing your heart?" the younger held back his laughter, watching Jihoon sigh at Guanlin's corny pick up lines. Giggling at the elder, Guanlin rested his head, still staring at Jihoon, admiring his cute round face

 

"Stop staring at me" The elder muttered, cheeks flushing, face concentrated on the road

 

"Can't. You look really stupid when you drive, like a grandma driving" 

 

"I hate you"

 

Nearly ten minutes after endless bickering, and childish insults thrown at each other, the two arrived at the cafe, Guanlin not stepping out the car, as he waited for Jihoon to open it for him. The elder sighed, rubbing at his temple and muttering profanities under his breath, before stomping over to open Guanlin's door

 

"Wah, _what a gentleman you are,_ Park Jihoon," Guanlin gasped, hand on his heart as he teased the elder, who had a scowl on his face, flicking the younger off

 

As soon as they entered the cafe, they were greeted with cute little puppies racing towards them. Surprisingly, the dogs didn't crowd Jihoon, who loved dogs more than anything, instead they were all showering Guanlin with love

 

The younger crouched down, petting all the puppies, giggling like a child, the same high pitched sound of happiness escaping his mouth as he happily let the dogs lick at his hand, Jihoon watched, mouth forming into a small as he admired the sight before him

 

"So so cute, hi there!" Guanlin chirped, shaking his hand with a puppy's paw, and Jihoon truly found the scene cute, until Guanlin had to open his foul mouth and ruin the moment

 

"All these bitches like me, except that one" Guanlin spoke to the dogs, pointing at Jihoon, who shot the younger a glare. Soon enough a waitress arrived, escorting them to a table

 

"Drinks on me," Jihoon spoke once they were seated, Guanlin who was distracted by a puppy whom was playing at his leg

 

"No no, I can't let the ladies pay" Guanlin shook his head, as Jihoon frowned upon hearing Guanlin refer to him as a girl

 

"Fuck you" Jihoon muttered, crossing his arms over his chest

 

Guanlin smirked at the boy, "not here Park Jihoon, _jeez_ , have some shame"

 

Jihoon finally catching up to what Guanlin was talking about, his eyes wide, becoming perplexed

 

"Damn, these puppies must really hate you-" Guanlin laughed, eyes crinkling as all the puppies surrounded him, Jihoon huffed in annoyance. Guanlin waved the elder over, Jihoon looking at questionably 

 

"What?" Jihoon asked stiffly, "aish, lose the stick up your ass and come here" Guanlin sighed, ushering the elder, who cautiously got up

 

Guanlin kneeled down on the floor, grabbing Jihoon's hand, seating him down on his leg, Jihoon's heart beginning to race again at the closeness, and position 

 

Suddenly the puppies began barking at Jihoon, one jumping onto his lap, Jihoon couldn't help but grin, petting the dog affectionately, as Guanlin rested his hand on Jihoon's waist to hold him in place, as the other played with the other dogs

 

Soon, more puppies laid on Jihoon's lap, causing Jihoon to giggle happily, making Guanlin face the boy

 

Guanlin watched the boy, a grin making its way to his face as he saw Jihoon giggle and make strange, yet cute faces at the dogs, nearly resembling one. Soft cheekbones prominent upon smiling so widely, Jihoon moved onto performing aegyo for the puppies. Guanlin found the sight too much for him to handle, eyes still focused on Jihoon, who slowly turned around to see Guanlin staring, cheeks growing pink upon realization, embarrassed that Guanlin witnessed him being cute towards dogs

 

"Don't mind me, please continue.." Guanlin spoke in an amused tone, gesturing the elder to proceed

 

"Just me and some puppies" Guanlin spoke to himself, petting the dogs

 

Jihoon turned around, "I'm here too, asshole" 

 

Guanlin's smile widened, " _exactly_ , just me and some puppies, you're literally one of em"

 

"Are you saying I'm a dog" Jihoon asked in an offended tone, scowling at Guanlin, who only grinned further 

 

_"No I'm saying you're cute Park Jihoon"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMFUCKCIFNFFNNFD FBSIAODJZOSJSHSI ! AORPROR JINHWI AND PANWINK KYS AND POSSESSIVES!JIHOON OMG LEAVE FEEDBACK AND TYSM FOR READING !! ahem enjoy the cuteness for as long as y'all can bc soon angst and drama and pain will come ur way so be prepared to suffer and i may or may not give y'all a triple update :p


	13. t h i r t e e n

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologize for this chap omg so many feelings findkddnjs bro

_From: Daehwi :)_

_JIHOON. HYUNG._

_OHMYGOD_

_DHSIXBDKSJSK_

_GUESS WHO JUST FREAKING KISSED BAE JINYOUNG?_

_ME!!!!_

 

"Oh my god..." Jihoon spoke out loud, reading the spam of text messages sent from Daehwi, as him and Guanlin walked out the cafe. 

 

"What?" Guanlin asked, curious to what Jihoon was so shocked about, "Jinyoung and Daehwi fucking kissed oh my god"

 

Instead of reacting, Guanlin smirked, shaking his head "everyone's turning gay because of me, I'm so powerful" Jihoon stopped on his tracks to gape at the boy, mouth wide open

 

"You're full of shit and too cocky for your own good," the elder scoffed, as Guanlin shrugged, opening his mouth to probably talk more crap. "Let me break it down on how they kissed. First, Jinyoung hyung realized my handsome charms were too hard to resist, second, he realized that he was gay for me. Third, once he realized he was gay, Daehwi entered his life and was clearly cuter than me, _according to him,_ when we all know _I'm_ cuter, _but_ that's besides the point, and so Jinyoung hyung fell for Daehwi's charms, fourth, they kiss!" Guanlin grinned, gums out, genuinely proud of his rundown, as Jihoon stared at him with a 'you're a fucking dumbass' look

 

"So you can call Jinyoung hyung, but talk to me informally?" Was all Jihoon got out of Guanlin's blabbering. 

 

"Exactly" 

 

Jihoon rolled his eyes, walking to his car hearing Guanlin's faint giggles from behind him. As he reached his car, getting inside, he saw Guanlin stand in front of the door and not moving

 

"You've got to be fucking kidding me.." Jihoon groaned, getting out the car to open the door for Guanlin, "ah Park Jihoon the gentleman strikes again! Oppa saranghae!" Guanlin teased, making kissy faces at the elder, who gagged

 

Jihoon began driving away, confused to why Guanlin wasn't speaking. Usually the younger would try any attempts to rile the elder up, but instead he was quiet

 

Curiousity getting the best of him, Jihoon slowly took his eyes off the road to see that Guanlin had fell asleep. The younger's lips were slightly parted, breathing softly, jawline in view. Jihoon felt his breath hitch as he took a long glance at Guanlin, clearing his throat as he went back to focusing on the road

 

It was no secret that Jihoon's feelings for the younger kept developing. Throughout the whole night, all he had thought about was how easily and openly Guanlin had called him cute. But of course, Guanlin joked about those things with everyone, and a part of Jihoon wished he was exclusive and special just for Guanlin. Jihoon felt warm and fuzzy once Guanlin complimented him, the younger would never realize just how much his words take into affect on Jihoon

 

Not realizing that he was already in front of Guanlin's apartment from all the endless thoughts, Jihoon slowly pressed the brakes, making sure he wouldn't wake up Guanlin

 

"Shit...how do I wake him up, he looks so peaceful sleeping.." Jihoon whispered, watching Guanlin snore softly. It amazed just how pure Guanlin could look sleeping, all that displayed on his face was innocence, all his annoying smirks and grins vanished, it was just Guanlin being the beautiful person he was

 

Jihoon was too lost in trance of watching Guanlin, not noticing that his hand had slowly made its way towards Guanlin's face, gently caressing the younger's cheek. 

 

_Soft_

 

Guanlin was soft. And he was handsome, no he was gorgeous. He was cute, he was tall, he was warm, he was caring. He smiles like there's no tomorrow, he giggles like a child, he makes high pitched noises when he laughs, the corners of his eyes wrinkle when he smiles and laughs, he claps whilst laughing. He throws his body in many directions when he's laughing. 

 

_Guanlin was everything Jihoon wanted, but couldn't have._

 

And it made Jihoon want to cry because Guanlin was so beautiful, but his feelings and frustrations, and the harsh reality stopped everything 

 

Jihoon slowly traced his finger over Guanlin's lips, the same lips that molded perfectly with his, something he's been wanting to forget, but the feeling never goes away; always in the back of his mind. The younger stirred in his sleep, Jihoon immediately jerking his hand back, snapping himself out of his daze 

 

"Guanlin, Guanlin, wake up.." Jihoon gently shook the boy, speaking just above a whisper. The boy didn't budge, so Jihoon shook him harder, finally getting the boy to slowly open his eyes 

 

"Fuck, I fell asleep" Guanlin deadpanned, rubbing his eyes, resembling a baby

 

"Do you have your keys?" Jihoon asked, his heart finally beating in pace

 

Guanlin stopped, suddenly in deep thought, before shaking his head, "no..your dumbass dragged me to your car before I could even blink!" The elder rolled his eyes at Guanlin already blaming him, deciding to call Jinyoung

 

"Hey Jinyoung, are you home?" Jihoon spoke into the phone, as Guanlin watched him intensely

 

"No? Ah, okay. Tell Daehwi I'll just be going home then...y-yeah I can take him" Hanging up, sighing 

 

"They're both at Daniel's house, apparently they're staying over for the night, so you'll be coming over to my place" Jihoon directed towards Guanlin, who shrugged, falling back to shut his eyes 

+

 

After ten whole exhausting minutes of dragging Guanlin's sleeping body into his apartment, Jihoon was finally able to throw the younger onto his bed, as Daehwi had locked his door, since he's scared 'thieves might steal his precious shirtless Kai posters and Girls Generation's albums"

 

Guanlin was definitely a deep sleeper, not noticing Jihoon huffing loudly, due to his lack of fitness training, and bumping along shelves as the elder dragged his tall frame into his room. Jihoon had to admit, Guanlin was extremely light, lighter than he looked to be 

 

Jihoon stopped breathing heavily, walking towards the washroom to freshen up

 

Guanlin was on his bed. He'd be sleeping with Guanlin again, and he'd be lying if he said that his heart didn't flutter at the thought. The last time they shared the same bed, Jihoon recalls Guanlin draping his arm around his waist, while he was fast asleep. At the moment, Jihoon panicked, but thinking back now, he wanted to be held again

 

"Snap out of it.." Jihoon told himself, looking at his reflection, wanting to break what he saw

 

All he saw in himself was a big fat lie. He saw all his flaws, wondering if there was anything but flaws in him, _probably isn't,_ he thought 

 

 

Stepping out the washroom, Jihoon's eyes landed on Guanlin, who was sat up with a frown on his face, legs stretched out. He looked like a kid, that Jihoon wanted to hold 

 

"Why're you up? Can't sleep?" Jihoon asked, eyeing the younger who snapped his attention towards Jihoon

 

"Do you have some clothes I can borrow? Sleeping with jeans is uncomfortable as fuck" the younger bluntly spoke, making Jihoon chuckle 

 

"Uhm, you can check my closet and pick out whatever you like, I don't know if they'll fit though.."

 

_"Maybe I'll find you in there too"_ Guanlin spoke in his mind, giggling out loud at the thought, as Jihoon gave him a look to why he was laughing by himself. Guanlin shook his head, opening the elder's closet, only to laugh harder at Jihoon's choice of fashion

 

"What's so funny brat?" Jihoon asked, glaring slightly 

 

"So much...pink? My eyes hurt.." Guanlin tilted his head, picking at a sweater, judging the piece of clothing, holding up to see puppies on them

 

_How Park Jihoon of him_

 

"Yah! Don't insult my precious clothes, I think they're really cute-"

 

_"To you"_ Guanlin snorted, stripping right in front of Jihoon, who was thrown off guard, quickly turning away

 

Guanlin laughed more, "it's not gay to see me change my shirt, you know" 

 

Jihoon clenched his fists together, breathing as he thought about how nice Guanlin's body was. How the taller had such a lovely lean figure, his skin was gorgeous, and then there was Jihoon

 

"Shut up" Jihoon turned around to see Guanlin in his pink jumper, and all Jihoon could think of was how Guanlin looked much better in it than he ever did

 

"Gotta say, I make your ugly clothes look cute" Guanlin teased, checking himself out in the mirror

 

Jihoon rolled his eyes, "you mean _my cute clothes_ make your ugly self look _presentable_ "

 

"Ouch. You wound me princess, I know you find me really sexy, you're just afraid it might affect your heterosexual status to admit. It's okay, I know deep down how Park Jihoon feels," Guanlin winked at the elder, plopping onto the bed 

 

_If only Guanlin actually knew how Park Jihoon felt_

+

Jihoon woke up to the smell of food. And it smelled good. Slowly opening his eyes, and stretching his body, to see that Guanlin was no longer next to him, he treaded out his room to find the smell coming from the kitchen 

 

What he didn't expect to see was Guanlin in some black shorts, and Jihoon's pink sweater, with headphones on, cooking breakfast and shaking his butt as he danced along the music 

 

Definitely a sight for Jihoon, growing amused as he saw Guanlin awkwardly dance, bobbing his head up and down 

 

The younger soon turned around, jumping once he came face to face with Jihoon, who barked out a loud laugh upon seeing Guanlin's shocked reaction

 

"How long have you been here?" Guanlin quickly asked, trying to correct his posture 

 

"Long enough to know that you can't dance for shit," _and that you have a cute ass,_ Jihoon chuckled, for the first time seeing Guanlin blush and cower away

 

"Go brush your stinky breath away and then eat with me," the younger waved Jihoon off, going back to cooking

 

As Jihoon returned to his room, he felt a smile creeping its way onto his lips as he thought back to how domestic everything felt 

 

Overall, how domestic they both were. Always bickering, yet somehow caring for each other, Guanlin cooking for him, teasing him. Even calling the elder cute, it made Jihoon wonder how exactly Guanlin would be as his boyfriend 

 

But the only title Jihoon could go for was girlfriend, and he truly wouldn't mind having Guanlin as his boyfriend, but it wasn't a matter of wouldn't it's that Jihoon _couldn't_  

 

While Jihoon was left with his thoughts, Guanlin watched his dishes with pride, filling up a plate for Jihoon, making sure the elder eats everything 

 

"You're finally here, eat up" Guanlin clapped his hands together, pulling Jihoon's body into the chair, practically shoving the food at his face

 

Jihoon stared up at the boy, mouth opening slightly. "I-Uhm t-thank you.." Jihoon mentally face palmed himself for stuttering, groaning internally as he saw Guanlin smirk

 

"You're eating all of that, by the way.." Guanlin spoke, as he served Jihoon more food, the elder growing nervous about his weight, "I-I can't eat all this, I'll get fat-"

 

"Shut the fuck up, stop putting yourself down so much. You're nowhere close to fat, so eat and enjoy it." Guanlin quickly cut the elder off, looking at him sternly

 

" _Genuine question,_ " Jihoon hesitated, clearing his throat, before looking up at Guanlin, "why do you hate when I put myself down, yet you continuously do it?"

 

_"Because I lie to you, and I don't like it when you lie to yourself"_

 

Jihoon was confused, but for some apparent reason he believed every word Guanlin spoke

 

"Then stop lying to me, and I'll stop lying to myself again"

+

The boys soon left Jihoon's apartment, silence between them as they walked towards the gym to practice for the elder's showcase

 

All Jihoon could do was look at Guanlin, eyes following every part of the younger, feeling his mouth water. Guanlin seemed like the type to protect Jihoon, a thought that recently flooded Jihoon's mind

 

"You okay?" Guanlin asked, worry written all over his face, Jihoon shook his head, "I'm nervous and I feel like a failure and I feel stupid.." The elder spoke, spilling his honest feelings, staring at his reflection, "I'm gonna mess up and those boys are gonna make fun of me again like they did back in middle school..They used to call me nasty names, because I was the only boy who took ballet classes, surrounded by girls. And when they see me again at the competition, I feel like I'll let them get to me and mess up, and I hate the way I look, I look like a twelve year old-"

 

Jihoon was cut off by Guanlin turning him around to face him, "first of all, stop lying to yourself, second, _fuck them,_ you hear me?Learn to focus on yourself. Are you here to win for them or yourself?"

 

"M-myself-"

 

"Then do what _you_ have to do to win, stop being concerned about how others feel about you, you're not a puppet"

 

If only Jihoon had a Guanlin in his life before to help with his confidence. Lowering his head, taking in a sharp intake of breath, before warming up as Guanlin played some notes for him, even rooting him on

 

Jihoon wanted to cry badly because of the way Guanlin was making him feel. He didn't want to get used the way Guanlin cared for him, he didn't want to get more attached than he already was, but here he was

 

_"You can do this Park Jihoon"_ Guanlin smiled, encouraging the shortler male, sending him a thumbs up, and that's when Jihoon genuinely felt like he could do it, gently swaying his body, before moving around the whole room, twirling gracefully, light footsteps

 

 

Guanlin watched in his awe as his fingers danced along the keys, seeing Jihoon fully concentrated as he moved his hips beautifully. Jihoon was a performer, everything he did was admirable, Guanlin took note of the boy's expressions, the way his chest rose as he'd lightly jump, landing perfectly. The way Jihoon never stopped when he made mistakes, but carrying on. He was simply passionate

 

But suddenly the elder stopped dancing, falling to the floor. Guanlin watched from his seat, seeing Jihoon cover his face with his hands, and Guanlin thought that the boy needed a breather, clearly wrong after seeing Jihoon's body begin to shake uncontrollably 

 

Guanlin's eyes widened, rushing to Jihoon's side, holding the boy who was shaking nonstop, hearing him breath heavily, "Hyung look at me, hey hey I'm here it's okay" Guanlin whispered comforting things into the elder's ear, patting down his back, but Jihoon never stopped, he cried harder, holding onto Guanlin's waist 

 

"I-I c-can't do this, I f-feel horrible, u-ugly, and a d-disappointment, j-just hold me please.." the shorter male cried, pleading Guanlin, who did as he was told. He held onto Jihoon, massaging the boy's scalp, as he buried his face into the taller's neck 

 

Guanlin worried for the boy, at how low and terrible his self confidence was. His heart broke knowing the boy he found so effortlessly beautiful, really didn't like himself

 

"How can you see yourself from such a dark light, you're so..." Guanlin stopped as he felt a pair of lips on his. 

 

_Park Jihoon was kissing him._

To say Guanlin was shocked was an understatement, Guanlin was more than shocked, unable to process that Jihoon was genuinely kissing him, willingly as well, _and_ to be the one to initiate it

 

Guanlin softly pressed his lips back, lifting the elder's weight onto his lap, draping his arms around his small waist to bring the boy closer. Guanlin felt droplets of hot tears fall from Jihoon's face, the elder bringing his hands to cup Guanlin's face, deepening the kiss

 

_"Hyung..."_ Guanlin gasped into the kiss, sucking down on Jihoon's lip, wanting access, wanting to taste every bit of Jihoon. He craved him more than anything, and Jihoon let him, opening his mouth as Guanlin slickly slipped his tongue inside, being experienced as he explored the elder's mouth. If heaven felt like Park Jihoon's mouth, he wanted to feel it everyday, letting his hands roam around the elder's body, gripping onto him as tightly as he could, gently wiping away the elder's fresh tears, replacing them with soft tender kisses, before connecting their lips once again for a long intense, yet slow kiss

 

Jihoon sighed into the kiss, pleasure shooting throughout his body, the tears continuing to flow, as he traced his fingers over Guanlin's cheeks, dragging his tongue over the younger's lips, Jihoon felt high and lost. And it was a good kind of lost, Guanlin made him forget about all his insecurities and worries 

 

The two needed air, pulling away, panting heavily, but somehow Jihoon needed more, grabbing ahold of Guanlin's face, kissing him deeper, desperate to feel the younger as close to him as possible. Guanlin responded just as eagerly, hands traveling down to Jihoon's back, resting at his bottom, rubbing at it soothingly

 

The realization to what Jihoon had been doing, and had just done came to a sudden halt, jumping off the younger's lap, practically jerking back

 

"W-what's wrong?" Guanlin asked, voice cracking as he watched Jihoon with expectant eyes

 

Jihoon wiped his mouth furiously, pulling at his hair, and pacing around the room 

 

_"I'm sorry, this was a mistake"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YIKESSSSSSSS i warned y'all abt angst and drama and shit so yeeee get ready


	14. f o u r t e e n

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KIND OF SHORT BUT THIS CHAP IS A BUILD UP FOR THE NEXT RLY RLY LONGER CHAPS OMG IM SO EXCITED ALSOOO this story might soon come to an end sigh :(

Guanlin rarely cried. Yet here he found himself breaking down over Park Jihoon. The boy who drove him crazy, hurt him, made his heart ache, made him expect things he know would never be a possibility 

 

He felt so used and hurt, he felt like a dirty rag that's been thrown around to clean up Jihoon's mess

 

 _"I hate you so fucking much.."_ Guanlin whispered completely broken, tears rolling down his cheeks relentlessly, his own breathing becoming uneven, heart rapidly beating, "I hate the way you hurt me, to think you might change your m-mind about me" the boy had cried harder, folding himself into his body, rocking back and forth on his bed

 

Guanlin hated how forgiving he was towards the elder, just because he grew to have a soft spot for him. Guanlin hated how his feelings got in the way of his walls, slowly breaking like his heart as he fell for Park Jihoon

 

_"I'm sorry this was a mistake"_

 

The same voice Guanlin began to yearning to hear everyday, spoke the cruel words that rang throughout Guanlin's head, only making him feel isolated by the second 

 

"Everything I do is a mistake, yeah? Being born, a mistake, the disappointing son who turned out to be gay. The liar who has a fake boyfriend to convince his mother because all I am is a joke to them. The one who kissed back the one boy I felt the safest with, said what we shared was a mistake." The growing pit in Guanlin's heart and stomach grew within every ticking second, furiously pulling at his hair out of frustration and betrayal 

 

But Guanlin shouldn't be hurt, he expected mishaps, after all they were nothing but an act. And Park Jihoon would never like him the way he does

 

+

Upon arrival at his apartment, Jihoon slid down to the floor, realizing what he had just done, and the biggest regret that slipped out his mouth

 

 _The kiss wasn't the mistake, his words were._ Jihoon himself didn't know why he kissed Guanlin, but he did know that Guanlin took no part in pressuring him, Jihoon initiated it, and he was also the one to leave Guanlin with questions and the last of what Jihoon remembered, a pain expression 

 

Jihoon was hurt, he was insecure, and he was scared most of all. Yet he never felt scared around Guanlin, especially after the boy managed to raise his confidence. Jihoon didn't think of anything, it was just him and his new friend who he adored, he felt the safest and warmest when in Guanlin's hold, so he let his body take over, only wanting to feel Guanlin's lips on his

 

It felt amazing, Guanlin made Jihoon feel high from warmth. Kissing Guanlin made Jihoon feel like he could finally breathe, like he could soar to the sky, like he didn't have to cast himself away. Guanlin held onto Jihoon with no intentions of letting go, and that's exactly what Jihoon needed

 

_Yet he pushed Guanlin the farthest away from him_

"I'm so fucking sorry.." Jihoon whispered, a broken tone as he thought back to the hurt expression Guanlin flashed, the boy clearly feeling used

 

Jihoon felt dirty and itchy, he felt disgusting for clawing at Guanlin that way, although Guanlin responded, it was most likely due to the heat of the moment. Regardless, Jihoon felt embarrassed, and he felt disgusting for using Guanlin as a shield to forget about his worries

 

Guanlin was the last person he wanted to use, he wanted to maintain a more closer relationship with the younger, yet he ruined everything with just a few words. Jihoon bit down on his trembling lips to stop the tears threatening to fall from his eyes, but they went against Jihoon, spilling down his cheeks

 

Quivering, all Jihoon needed was Guanlin. He needed the boy to comfort him and sooth him with kind words and calming deep voice, he needed Guanlin to wrap his long arms around Jihoon's small body and hold him close. God how fucking badly did he want Guanlin near him, _but all he did was push him away in the end_

 

 

"I'm such an asshole, aren't I?" Jihoon asked to an empty apartment, laughing bitterly as his thoughts raced back to the way he eagerly pounced on the younger, grabbing him tightly and kissing him

 

Just as their relationship was finally beginning to develop, some light and hope in their friendship, Jihoon had to ruin it. Guanlin would never forgive Jihoon, neither would he look at him in the same light

 

Jihoon couldn't even care less for the showcase at this point, he just was unable to face the younger all at once, period. He was ashamed of himself, ashamed of himself for liking the kiss, ashamed of himself for developing feelings for another boy, especially that boy being Guanlin, most of all he was ashamed of using Guanlin

 

+

"Daniel I'm not joking, talk to me" Seongwoo grabbed ahold of the younger's hand, forcing the much more built boy to face him

 

For the past two weeks, Seongwoo's been wanting answers, kisses out of the blue, and no explanations after, it drove Seongwoo crazy

 

Daniel on the other hand knew what he had coming for himself, he knew soon enough he'd have to explain to the elder. "Why'd you kiss me, and why'd you run off two times?" There it was, the questions Daniel wanted to avoid at all costs. Because who would've thought the strictly heterosexual boy, who chased after girls faster than a nascar would ever become attracted to his best friend 

 

"I-I," the blonde froze, unable to meet Seongwoo's eyes, instead choosing to stare at his feet, "I don't know, I'm sorry" 

 

He heard Seongwoo sigh, and he knew he wasn't the type to have a short temper, and that he was much more calm and collected, "you don't know?" Seongwoo asked in disbelief, almost laughing at how ridiculous Daniel's answer was

 

"You like messing with my feelings, Kang Daniel?" Daniel's head shot up as soon as he registered the words Seongwoo spoke. Feelings? 

 

"What feelings? You would never like me, the kisses meant nothing to you-"

 

"And who the fuck are you to judge if whether or not those kisses did mean something to me? What if they did Daniel?" 

 

_What if they did Daniel?_

 

The younger raised his head, staring at the elder who'd just hinted that the kisses did mean something to him, just as they did with Daniel

 

"Well, _did_ they mean anything to you?" Daniel questioned, fear of hearing Seongwoo's answer 

 

_Please say yes_

 

Seongwoo hesitated, before fixing his composure, _"yes, they meant a lot to me"_

 

It was Daniel needed to hear in order to pull the elder in for a long and slow kiss. It's all he needed to hear to confirm his scattered feelings for the boy, Seongwoo kissed back just as passionately, sliding his hand down the younger's chest

 

The two became breathless, but not letting go of one another, Daniel slowly backing Seongwoo up against the wall, kneeling between the elder's legs, pressing into him, smirking into the kiss as soon as he heard Seongwoo sigh, throwing his head back

 

Daniel took the opportunity to connect his lips onto the elder's neck, pressing soft butterfly kisses down his collbarbones. It drove Seongwoo crazy, just how good it felt to be touched by Daniel, to be felt up by him

 

All his life he's been with girls, chased after girls, the two practical playboys who found interest in one another in the end

 

"I'm sorry I didn't talk to you sooner-" Daniel breathed out, lips becoming swollen as he deepened their kiss, sliding his hand inside Seongwoo's shirt, letting his hands roam around the elder's body

 

Seongwoo let his hands find its way towards Daniel's hair, pulling on it as the sensations in his body were too stimulating

 

_"So...will you go out with me?"_

+

 

A day passed, Guanlin and Jihoon not making any contact with each other, both hiding themselves away in their rooms. Until the time had come for their regular session, Guanlin wanted to ignore the elder, even leave, but he was a man of his word, so he pushed his feelings aside, getting ready to leave for the studio 

 

Jihoon didn't anticipate for the boy to come, and a part of him wasn't ready to see Guanlin either. He didn't even care, nor would be surprised if Guanlin rejected to play for Jihoon, all Jihoon wanted was to make sure Guanlin was okay

 

On the other hand, as he practiced by himself, his surroundings only drained his memories back to how he kissed the younger, the taste of Guanlin's lips lingering on his own

 

The distractions clouded his mind, making him dizzy, nearly toppling over as he attempted to dance and forget the worries. But he was worried sick for Guanlin, he wanted to be the one to hold Guanlin, not the other way around, because all Guanlin did was hold him and pick him up, whereas Jihoon broke him

 

Yet Guanlin was always there to pick Jihoon up, even keeping to his word, arriving at the dance studio, much to Jihoon's surprise 

 

Jihoon stopped on his tracks, mouth gaping at the younger who strutted inside ever so quietly, almost wanting to be invisible 

 

"G-Guanl-" Jihoon began, tone just above a whisper as he was extremely shocked, yet he was shortly cut off by Guanlin

 

 _"Did you eat today?"_ That was all the younger had asked, and that was all it took for Jihoon's breath to hitch

 

Lai Guanlin was unreal, every aspect of him was almost too much to bear. Jihoon was nothing but a dick to the younger, mistreating him, but here was Guanlin, the most caring thoughtful person, and Jihoon wanted to cry right there because he was hurting inside

 

He was hurting for Guanlin, who only deserved the best, who always kept Jihoon at the back of his mind. Guanlin was everything Jihoon couldn't have, but yearned for

 

Guanlin looked absolutely emotionless, it was almost scary at how monotone he was, Jihoon was so used to his sharp tongue and constant bickering, it only broke Jihoon more inside 

 

"H-how are you feeling?" Jihoon asked, walking towards the younger cautiously, who backed away from Jihoon. It hurt Jihoon a lot

 

"I'm fine." the same robotic tone, simple answers, no eye contact, Jihoon hated himself for causing this. For the first time, he really hurt Guanlin and he hated himself 

 

"Guanlin please talk to me. We need to talk about yesterday-"

 

"There's nothing to talk about, it was a simple mistake like you said." The curt and short answer went straight through Jihoon's heart like a dagger, burning through his head as he registered the words 

 

"Also, we only need to put through this fake act for two more weeks, my mom wanted to introduce you to some family members, after that I'll tell her we fell apart, and we won't have to see each together again."

 

_But Jihoon never wanted to stop seeing Guanlin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAVEEEE A QUESTIONNN do y'all want a smut ongniel chapter??? if u guys do pls comment omgggg NO SMUT FOR PANWINK JINSEOB JINHWI BC THEYRE MINORS !!!! ALSO TYSM FOR READING IM TYPING THE NEXT CHAPS DJSHSJS


	15. f i f t e e n

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cried And i ALSO LURKED ON TWT AND SAW THAT PPL RLY ENJOY THIS STORY WOW TY??! LIKE 4K ALMOST IN ONLY 7 DAYS?? IM OMG THANK U

_From: my baby_

_Pick me up from my place at 6_

_And dress nicely, you're clothes are a fucking train wreck_

_Your*_

 

Jihoon's never jumped so quickly to check his phone ever, heart racing at a rapid pace upon seeing the contact name. It only made him frown thinking back to when Guanlin made him change his name to that, just so he could push the piano into the dance studio. Maybe a few weeks ago Jihoon cringed, and was embarrassed by the contact name, but now it's the only piece of hope he's got before their act ends

 

Neither was Jihoon planning on changing Guanlin's contact anytime soon, _he was his baby_

 

Just the way Guanlin took care of Jihoon, the elder wanted to return the affection, but show _more_. Jihoon wanted to give Guanlin all he could, all his love and affection, make him smile, kiss him without worries

 

But it wouldn't matter at this point to express such change of views and feelings, or any point because Jihoon was a coward who only fucked up and dug deeper holes for himself 

 

Jihoon shook his head, staring at his reflection, only hating what stared back at him by each passing second 

 

"You hurt Guanlin. You're not special in any way, you're annoying, your own parents don't talk to you, a mother who can't even ask her son if he's eating well, yet the stranger from two months ago, the boy who actually gave a shit about you was the person you decided to hurt Park Jihoon.." the boy spoke into his reflection, nothing but biterness and disappointment laced in his voice 

 

_From: my baby_

_and eat something_

_also be prepared to become a hippo, my mother feeds people foods the size of Russia_

 

Jihoon gripped onto the sink, throat going dry, lungs closing up as he felt his eyes well up. The boy tried blinking them away, but he sobbed. He sobbed so hard wishing the tears could drain the hole and pain in his heart.

 

_He didn't deserve Guanlin, and Guanlin deserved everything_

+

"Hyung when'd you realize you were gay?" Daehwi asked, head laid on Jinyoung's lap, as the elder played with his hair, admiring the younger who he could actually call _his_

 

"When I first laid my eyes on you-"

 

_smack_

 

"You're so annoying, I'm serious," Daehwi giggled, rolling his eyes as Jinyoung placed a soft kiss on the younger's forehead, because he can. It wasn't a lie though, Jinyoung knew for a few years that he wasn't attracted to girls, Daehwi's addition to his life just helped the confirmation more

 

"I'd get scared of watching porn, with uhm girls.." Jinyoung muttered under his breath, regretting that he told Daehwi the truth, expecting to get made fun of as he avoided eye contact with the younger. It was silent between them, before Jinyoung felt his legs shake, as well as Daehwi's body shake, the boy was covering his mouth to hold back his laughter 

 

"Just fucking laugh at me," Jinyoung groaned, rubbing at his temple, as soon as he said that, Daehwi's loud laughter echoed throughout his apartment, suddenly Jinyoung didn't regret telling Daehwi his embarrassing and ridiculous sexuality realization story, if it meant he could hear his boyfriend's beautiful laugh. 

 

"I-I'm sorry, I just," Daehwi laughed harder, nearly about to roll over Jinyoung's lap, before the elder gripped onto his thin waist to hold him back, "Wow I really didn't expect that oh my god" the boy fanned his face, calming down

 

"Daehwi"

 

"Hmm"

 

"You're so pretty.." Jinyoung grinned as the younger slapped him playfully, covering his pink cheeks. "So so pretty, all mine.." Jinyoung gushed, peppering the younger's face with kisses, slowly traveling towards his mouth, capturing Daehwi's lips for a chaste kiss, slow and lazy

 

Kissing Jinyoung was simply becoming Daehwi's favorite thing in the world, the boy was always careful, always slow with passion, always holding Daehwi tightly, he made him feel special. It only made Daehwi become greedy, it was too good to be real, adjusting his body onto Jinyoung's lap, as he draped his arms over Jinyoung's neck to bring the boy closer

 

"This is fucking disgusting oh my god I'm killing myself! I'm _killing_ myself! I'm moving out, I'm _for sure_ bleaching my eyes," A voice barked, startling both Jinyoung and Daehwi, causing Daehwi to yelp in surprise, leaping off the elder's lap as he landed on his bottom

 

Jinyoung quickly knelt down to retreat the younger boy from the floor, before chucking a pillow at Guanlin's face, "asshole, fuck you" Jinyoung snarled, rubbing Daehwi's back affectionately 

 

"Uh, your boyfriend's right there, unless you're into poly-"

 

"Shut the fuck up _Guanlin_!" Jinyoung shouted, making obscene noises to draw out Guanlin's words and teasing, as the youngest snickered, flicking the two boys off

 

"Sorry angel, he's a dickhead.." Jinyoung mumbled, glaring at Guanlin who shrugged in response, the younger only buried his face into Jinyoung's chest, hugging him tightly 

 

"It's okay I still love you" Daehwi giggled, pulling away to connect their lips for a small yet tender kiss

 

Jinyoung on the other hand was shocked, thinking his ears were clogged, Daehwi had just said he loved him. Jinyoung pinched himself, as Daehwi raised his brows questionably 

 

"What did you just say?" Jinyoung asked, eyes wide

 

"I said it's okay...?" Daehwi questioned, pouting at himself

 

"No no after that" Jinyoung deadpanned, hoping for Daehwi to say it again

 

"I said I l-love you?" Daehwi whispered, a blush creeping onto his cheeks. Jinyoung sighed in relief, pulling in Daehwi for another lingering kiss before speaking 

 

_"Fuck, I love you too baby"_

+

Jihoon had another hour to spare before he could leave, yet here he sat in his car, staring at Guanlin's selfie, practically stalking the younger's instagram secretly. He was thankful that his instagram wasn't on private deep down inside, screenshotting multiple photos 

 

_ laikuanlin _

_liked by jinyoungbae and 120 others_

_laikuanlin_ lol

 

Jihoon felt his lips curl up into a smile as his eyes stayed put, soaking in every detail of Guanlin. He began to giggle, reading Guanlin's shit caption, and the way he took selfies 

 

 _"Aish...you look so stupid, but you're so cute.."_ Jihoon whispered to himself, grinning as his eyes admired Guanlin's awkward selfies, he was too cute to be real. Jihoon wished he realized that much sooner

 

Just as Jihoon was about to save more pictures of Guanlin into his phone, for admiring purposes, the younger had texted him

 

_From: my baby_

_hurry the fuck up_

_im hungry and i wanna eat my mom's food asshole_

_and send me a picture of your clothes, if it's ugly you're not going with me_

 

Jihoon hates the fact that he smiled like a madman whenever Guanlin messaged him, as he could only stare and not reply. He was scared to text the younger, after all he kept fucking up

 

The elder began to panic, Guanlin asked for a selfie? Jihoon was never the type to care about selfies, rarely taking them, suddenly when it came down to Guanlin who would receive them, Jihoon wanted to look presentable

 

He grew extremely self conscious, trying out multiple angles, for ten minutes straight before sighing and giving up

 

All he could think to himself was how he had no place to judge Guanlin for his awkward selfies, when he himself was worse. Hoping to avoid the worst of the outcome, such as possible insults, the boy pressed send, shutting his eyes and throwing his phone to the other seat not wanting to see Guanlin's response 

 

_To: my baby_

_Sorry about my face_

 

Two minutes upon sending the picture, he'd heard his text tone go off, quickly reaching out too see Guanlin's response, immediately frowning upon seeing his text

 

_From: my baby_

_I'm sorry too_

 

Jihoon shouldn't care, he really shouldn't. He tried not to let others get to him, but hearing negative things about his appearance from Guanlin shed a hint of insecurity 

 

_From: my baby_

_Just kidding_

_You look cute princess_

 

Maybe Jihoon was hallucinating, because there was _no_ way that Lai Guanlin was on his phone, currently texting him, and calling him cute and teasing him. There was absolutely no way

 

Jihoon was confused, wasn't Guanlin mad at him, just the way he _should_ be? Why was Guanlin so confusing? Does Guanlin hate Jihoon? But the only thing keeping Jihoon thinking about was how Guanlin called him cute once again. And he wanted it to hear it from Guanlin's lips

 

 _"You're cute too Lai Guanlin..."_ Jihoon smiled to himself, before driving away

+

"How do we do this.." Daniel asked, watching gay porn with Seongwoo, as if it was the most normal thing to do

 

"Why the fuck did he just slam into his ass like a god damn bowling pin.." Seongwoo spoke out loud, tilting his head as he watched the video like some instruction manual

 

The whole scene was extremely amusing _and_ ridiculous, that Daniel couldn't help but giggle, bunny teeth out on display, causing Seongwoo to kiss his cheeks

 

"We need lube, okay I have that...and fingers...I _also_ have that.." Seongwoo mindlessly spoke out loud to himself, as if he had a mental checklist to how he'd prepare to have sex with Daniel for the first time 

 

"Can't we just wing it?" Daniel asked, stretching his arms as Seongwoo's expression changed to a baffled one, scoffing at the younger, " _no we can't just 'wing' it, dumbass_ " Seongwoo insulted, Daniel looking offended upon the insult, "some of us don't want our balls stuck in hulk's asshole.." Seongwoo deadpanned, making Daniel smack his head for teasing him and referring to him as hulk

 

"I'm not even that built," Daniel rolled his eyes, huffing. "Your chest looks like minecraft blocks.." Seongwoo giggled beside him, quickly zipping his mouth as Daniel glared at him 

 

"Still wanna kiss those minecraft blocks though..." Seongwoo teased, playfully sliding his hand down Daniel's chest, biting his lip. "Fuck you" Daniel seethed

 

"I will! _Once_ we learn how to do this crap the proper way!" Seongwoo raised his hands defensively, pulling Daniel's face in for a kiss before returning to his laptop, searching on how to learn how to _'properly perform gay sex,'_ as Daniel groaned impatiently 

 

_"You're no fun"_

+

Jihoon took a sharp intake of breath, before parking his car in front of Guanlin's complex, fixing his clothes and face. Constantly checking his reflection, wanting to look good for Guanlin, it was nearly embarrassing 

 

Jihoon quickly dabbed powder on his face, checking the rear view mirror, until he heard a knock on his window, causing him to jump

 

There stood Lai Guanlin with his dumb grin, and his pretty face, his hair was styled up in a quiff, he was so fucking gorgeous Jihoon found himself lost in a trance for a second, before Guanlin rolled his eyes knocking harder 

 

Jihoon snapped his gaze away, unlocking the doors, the younger seating himself 

 

"Look who finally decided to fucking show up..." Guanlin muttered, as he checked himself, fixing his hair from Jihoon's mirror

 

"You look g-good.." Jihoon accidentally blurted out, clasping his hand over his mouth in a blink, before turning away, cheeks flushing in embarrassment 

 

Guanlin snorted, "I know..." Jihoon shrunk into his seat, hating himself, "can't say the same for you though.." Guanlin continued, making Jihoon frown 

 

"You said I was cute in those text messages!" Jihoon wailed like a child, hating how defensive he'd gotten, seeing Guanlin grin further 

 

"I lied," the younger shrugged, applying lip balm onto his full lips, Jihoon tried not to stare, but he did, quickly snapping up to meet Guanlin's eyes

 

"But you said the mean things you say to me are all lies.." Jihoon narrowed his eyes at the younger, who turned around as well, "and you told me you were straight, guess we all kinda lie, huh?" Guanlin chuckled, causing Jihoon to become more confused, furrowing his eyebrows 

 

"What the fuck's that supposed to mean?" Jihoon quickly asked, raising his voice, _"you ask yourself that Park Jihoon.."_

+

The rest of the car ride was silent, and Jihoon was thankful for that. He was left to question himself to what exactly Guanlin was indicating, but the boy always spoke a bunch of crap

 

"Okay, we're here" Guanlin spoke, as if Jihoon hadn't realized, clearly parking in front of his mother's complex

 

"I know..." Jihoon deadpanned, as Guanlin already walked out his car, not caring to wait for Jihoon

 

"Alright, just act natural, since you're good at acting," Guanlin directed towards Jihoon, and the elder wished he didn't catch onto something else laced behind Guanlin's words, "if people ask how we met, go over the story we rehearsed from last month, and if you're stuck, just squeeze my hand and I'll answer those  fuckers, okay?" 

 

Jihoon slowly nodded his head, not hearing half the things Guanlin said, instead focused on his lips, distracted by how good Guanlin looked. 

 

_He looked especially good today_

 

"Park Jihoon, use your mouth, _since you're so good at it,"_ Guanlin grew impatient and frustrated with Jihoon's lack of responses, sighing loudly and Jihoon felt a pang of pain within his chest as soon as Guanlin spoke those words. He knew he was referring back to the kiss, and Jihoon once again felt shitty for ever kissing him, but not once regretting it. He only regretted hurting him

 

"Y-yeah.." Jihoon stuttered, heart racing faster once Guanlin intertwined their hands together, _it felt so perfect to Jihoon, as if their hands were meant to be held together_

 

The two boys both walked up the steps, hand in hand before they were finally stood in front of his mother's door, Jihoon's other hand becoming sweaty as he grew nervous. Guanlin must have noticed, as Jihoon felt the younger rub his thumb over Jihoon's knuckles soothingly, _such a small gesture that calmed Jihoon down_

 

"Guanlin-ah! Jihoon-ah! Come in, come in, I'm so happy to see you guys again, I've cooked all of Guanlin's favorite foods today, _and_ Jihoon's. I heard from Guanlin you liked beef bulgogi a lot, but your mom isn't near right? It's okay, mine may not compare to your mother's but I tried," Guanlin's mother greeted the two happily, leading them inside their apartment 

 

As soon as she revealed that Guanlin had spoken about Jihoon to her, Jihoon's heart clenched further, eyes falling onto Guanlin's, who slowly turned away, not wanting to meet his eyes

 

Jihoon plastered on a smile, letting Guanlin lead the way, soon seeing more of his family members gathered around the living area. Many eyes turned towards the 'couple,' two members looking displeased upon seeing their linked hands, while the others were happy to see Guanlin, and his so called boyfriend 

 

"Ah, he's a handsome one..." Guanlin's aunt spoke, smiling at Jihoon, who blushed at the compliment, "he is..." Jihoon heard Guanlin mumble, smiling to himself 

 

Once again, Jihoon wanted to cry because Lai Guanlin made him feel so many things. He wasn't okay with the feelings, but neither would he be okay without Guanlin, period

 

As the night continued, Guanlin and Jihoon weren't hip to hip anymore, the younger's mother pulling Jihoon aside 

 

"I've been meaning to talk you, Jihoon-ah," his mother smiled warmly, patting his hair affectionately. Jihoon nodded, smiling as well

 

"Thank you.." His mother spoke, making Jihoon confused, "f-for what?"

 

"For making Guanlin happy. He really cares about you, and he's always happy when he talks about you with me on the phone. I heard you guys bicker a lot, that sounds a lot like my son, so sorry about his sharp tongue," Guanlin's mother stopped to laugh, shaking her head, "he never visited us often, because we didn't believe he was actually...you know. After his father stopped contacting him, he became more cold and depressed, with you in his life, he's been talking to me the way he did nearly every very night. I feel like I have my son back..He even told me about how he plays the piano more often, I remember when he wanted to quit, because he wanted to rebel against us, his father wanted him to become a pianist...but after you've been dancing for him, he tells me how it calms him down. So thank you dear, thank you for helping Guanlin come out his shell"

 

Jihoon heard every word clearly, taking in everything his mother had opened up to him. Guanlin talked about him, Guanlin really cared about him. His mother claimed that he helped Guanlin, when it was all wrong. It was the other way around, _Guanlin_ helped Jihoon. 

 

Jihoon's mind began to scatter, his heart began to ache as he watched Guanlin's mother's eyes water, the woman embracing Jihoon. In a long time, he felt a mother's embrace, and it felt so fucking good, feeling his own eyes well up with fresh tears

 

"You're a nice boy, and I really trust you, tell me, how do you feel about Guanlin?"

 

Jihoon chose to be honest, spilling his true feelings 

 

"He's special. He's really special to me, and with each day passing, I start to realize it more. H-he cares about me a lot, it's a nice feeling, since my parents aren't near me and I don't have such care...He makes me laugh a lot, even when he insults me.." Jihoon sadly laughed, thinking back to all the times they'd fight over the smallest and most stupid things, "most of all, he cares more than he shows, he's selfless. H-he cheers me up as much as he can, I was so insecure and he h-helped me and I'm so thankful for him," breathing heavily, as he heard his own words, realizing just how much Guanlin meant to him

 

_"Guanlin feels like home"_

 

"Please keep my Guanlin-ah happy, I worry about him a lot.." his mother whispered sadly, holding onto Jihoon

 

_But all Jihoon did was make Guanlin sad_

 

His mother looked him deeply in the eyes, asking one final thing that broke the ice for Jihoon

 

"Do you love him?"

 

Jihoon did not hesitate, words flowing the most transparent and honest he's been in a long time, taking a deep breath before nodding 

 

 

_"Yes, I love him"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> may or may not have ongniel smut next chapter and how do y'all feel abt this?? any predictions omg this hurt to type but i promised longer chapters so here ! thank u for reading i'll update soooooonnnnnnnnn PLEASE BOOKMARK IF U WANT UNO KUDOS AND LEAVEEEEE FEEDBACK LMAOOAO


	16. s i x t e e n

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO MUCH FILTHY ONGNIEL SMUT OFMFMF READ ONLY IF U WANT THIS CHAPTER WAS MY LONGEST OGNFKDBDJSSJ I TRIED WRITING SMUT DONT JUDGE

It had only hit Jihoon that he was actually in love with Guanlin, and there was no going back. He's never even known what love's supposed to feel like, only have had a few crushes on girls before because they were attractive. Yet with Guanlin, it had come to the point where his heart hurt for Guanlin, and that's when he realized; that's love

 

It's love when Jihoon was constantly thinking about Guanlin, making up scenarios in his mind to have a future with the boy, despite the obstacles. It was love when Jihoon never stopped thinking about the way Guanlin pressed onto his body, kissing him like he meant it. It was love when Jihoon realized he never wanted it to stop, it's when he realized that he didn't want a separate just Jihoon and just Guanlin, but rather a Jihoon _and_ Guanlin

 

The boy's mind raced back to the piece of information Guanlin's mother shared with him, Guanlin talked about him. Guanlin kept note of Jihoon's favorite foods, he listened to the things Jihoon would have never expected people to care about, but Guanlin did

 

Some people don't care to ask for names, yet Guanlin cared enough to ask about the things Jihoon enjoyed, even the smallest bits of useless information, Guanlin took in

 

_Jihoon loved Guanlin, and there was no going back._

 

"Whatever lies you fucking told my mom to convince her that we're actually dating, honestly thank you," Jihoon heard a voice behind him, as it was none other Lai Guanlin taking a seat next to him, the night's sky illuminating on the younger's face, making him look ethereal 

 

Jihoon's gaze stayed put on the Taiwanese boy, mouth parted as he took in all the details of Guanlin. It took every living fiber in Jihoon to not keep his hands to himself and not grab the boy's face in for a kiss

 

And then Jihoon's heart began to hurt, because Guanlin's mother believed them, worst of all, none of the things Jihoon revealed were lies. They were nothing but the truth, and it hurt Jihoon

 

"Earth to Park Jihoon, I know I'm handsome, but stop staring at me creep" Guanlin snickered, but Jihoon couldn't take his eyes off. He wanted to soak in Guanlin as much as he could before they wouldn't cross paths anymore. The thought of not having Guanlin to bicker with anymore after their act was done, it only made Jihoon's stomach drop more

 

"Hey...are you okay?" Guanlin asked, as soon as he saw slow droplets of tears slide down the elder's cheek. Jihoon hadn't realized he was crying either, until he felt Guanlin's long fingers on his face, gently wiping the tears away, so Jihoon cried harder because everything hurt and because Guanlin touched him like he was the most delicate and fragile thing in the world 

 

"You look prettier when you have a stupid scowl on your face, or when you laugh, not when you cry..." Guanlin whispered, continuing to wipe away the elder's tears. Jihoon's breath hitched, hearing Guanlin call him pretty made his stomach drop, those words fell from the lips of the boy he's falling for

 

"D-don't lie, you always think I'm u-ugly no matter w-what" Jihoon hiccuped, staring right into Guanlin's eyes

 

"If you were ugly, I wouldn't have asked you to be my fake boyfriend, I know I was desperate, but I'm not _that_ desperate to ask some ugly bastard.." It was crazy just how quickly Guanlin could make Jihoon laugh, with his absurd and blunt words, Guanlin made Jihoon feel light and carefree. He smiled wider as soon as Guanlin began grinning at him, they probably looked like fools, but it was just the two of them, sharing genuine smiles and Jihoon wanted to cherish it

 

"I'm so sorry about that night, it wasn't a mistake, I was just out of line and I'm sorry I came onto you like that." The elder apologized, finding newfound confidence and courage to say sorry. He was expecting Guanlin to be mad, but the boy shook his head, chuckling

 

"Don't worry about it Park Jihoon, I'm sorry for overreacting, I mean even I kissed you before out of the blue because I was frustrated with my thoughts, besides they don't mean anything"

 

_But they meant a lot to Jihoon_

"Let's go eat, come on!" Guanlin pulled the elder up, cupping his face out of the blue, "okay, no one will notice that you cried!" Guanlin examined, before grabbing Jihoon's hand, lacing their fingers together, a simple touch that Jihoon was becoming crazed over

 

As soon as they arrived in the dining area, Guanlin snatched the plate away from Jihoon's grasp, instead filling his plate, towering it with food. Jihoon only watched with wide eyes as the boy kept adding food to his plate, diligently picking out all of Jihoon's favorite foods

 

After five whole minutes, Guanlin sat next to Jihoon, the other family members taking a seat as well. The younger pushed his plate in front of him, and Jihoon could only grow conscious of his weight 

 

"Guanlin, I can't eat all of this" Jihoon began, staring at his plate with caution, "yes you can, and you will. You're not leaving this house before you finish this, you haven't been taking care of yourself like you promised, don't think I didn't notice the bags under your eyes," Guanlin spoke, as he served himself, plopping berries into his mouth, Jihoon once again tried not to stare, even the way he ate was cute

 

"I have a showcase in a few days, I'll be bloated and fat-"

 

"Park Jihoon." Guanlin stopped, stern tone as he narrowed his eyes at the elder, not realizing that their family members were watching the whole thing go down, mostly everyone amused at how they'd resemble a married couple 

 

"As expected, my son always being thoughtful.." Guanlin's mother gushed, praising Guanlin as she took her phone out, not knowing how to use it, "come on, feed Jihoon-ah, I want to save this as a memory" his mother pushed them, raising the camera towards the two boys

 

Both boys froze, Guanlin's cheeks reddening from all the sudden attention, and Jihoon was beet red, puppy eyes staring back at Guanlin with confusion 

 

Guanlin slowly picked up a strawberry, bringing it near Jihoon's lips, eyes darting everywhere but from the elder's pink lips. They were distracting, and Jihoon was gorgeous, Guanlin couldn't help himself. Jihoon on the other hand brought his face closer, shyly taking a bite from Guanlin's hold, blushing as he heard a click go off. The younger retreated his hand back quickly, coughing as his uncle began teasing him for 'not being a man'

 

As Jihoon had an internal battle on whether to eat or not, one of Guanlin's aunts decided to question Jihoon

 

"So, Jihoon, how did you and Guanlin meet?" There it was, the question Jihoon hated answering, because it was so embarrassing. The question had clearly caught everyone's attention, many members focused on Jihoon

 

"Well uhm, it's kind of cliche and funny actually," Jihoon nervously laughed, scratching the nape of his neck, "One day I was craving beef bulgogi a lot, and I happened to have went to the restaurant Guanlin here worked at, he served me. He was too sweet, I found myself not only going back for the meat, but to see Guanlin," Jihoon cursed himself mentally for the situation he was in, "everytime I went he was so kind to me, smiling at me, asking me how I was, I found him super gorgeous and sweet," Jihoon practically held back the barf that was threatening to fall out his mouth, "one day I built up the courage to ask for his number, thinking someone as amazing and cute as him would reject someone like me..." Jihoon felt Guanlin shake next to him, the boy trying to stifle back his laughter as Jihoon spoke, Jihoon pinched his thigh from under the table, making the younger flinch, before plastering a fake smile, continuing, "we began talking a lot, and I asked him out, and here we are happily dating for over a month.." Jihoon gritted through his teeth 

 

The table listened intently, some nodding in acknowledgment, as Guanlin began to giggle, ruffling Jihoon's hair, "he was _so_ shy to talk to me, he basically idolized me.." 

 

 _Son of a bitch,_ Jihoon thought, as Guanlin obnoxiously smiled at him, both communicating through their eyes 

 

"Well, I'm glad you two are happy, you've picked yourself quite the handsome boy here..." His aunt smiled, directing towards Jihoon

 

"He's handsome, but I'm more handsome," Guanlin dumbly responded, his cocky side always making an appearance, earning another pinch from Jihoon, as Guanlin's mother sighed

 

"Shut up, son"

+

"Last chance to back out, Kang" Seongwoo reminded Daniel, as the both were in a comprising position, breathless from an intense make out session

 

Daniel's chest rose as he was still high from the kiss they shared, nodding his head eagerly, "hyung, I want you"

 

It's all it took for Seongwoo to hover Daniel's panting body, grabbing the boy in for another heated kiss, letting his hands roam around the younger's body, before slipping them inside his shirt

 

"Hyung..wanna touch you..." Daniel breathed out, tugging at Seongwoo's shirt, who obliged, carelessly taking it off, throwing it any random corner of the room. Daniel followed, taking his shirt off as well, although Seongwoo's seen the younger's body multiple times, his mouth watered each and every time

 

"Fuck..." Seongwoo groaned, as he felt Daniel's hand travel towards his hard on, slowly palming it. Seongwoo's breathing became rapid, grinding on the younger's member, as he let his fingers rub at his nipples. Seeing Daniel in this state, completely fucked out and breathless was something Seongwoo would have burned at the back of his mind

 

It was too good to be real

 

"Wait! Before we continue, I top," Daniel stopped the elder, just as he was about to unbutton his pants, "no you're not...I could make you feel better"

 

To that, Daniel gasped, a look of offense on his face, "asshole, I could make you feel way better, _grandpa_ ," Seongwoo rolled his eyes, "we're only two years apart, _kid_ "

 

The younger huffed, pushing Seongwoo off his body, "rock paper scissors on who gets to be top.." Daniel brought his hand out, as Seongwoo gaped at him, "we're seriously going to play...fucking rock paper and scissors to see who... _tops?_ " The elder asked in disbelief, as Daniel nodded, clearly serious 

 

In the end Daniel won, giggling in victory as he flipped their position over, as Seongwoo straddled the younger on his lap

 

Daniel took no time to hesitate, rushing to get Seongwoo out of his pants, mouth watering upon seeing the elder's hard on through his boxers, and all he could think was that he caused it

 

He yanked his own pants off, along with his boxers, causing Seongwoo to clasp his hand over Daniel's cock, the younger throwing his head back from the contact, "so hard, so good for me.." Seongwoo praised, thumbing at the head of Daniel's boner

 

Daniel's immediate response was to moan loudly, pressing his hands onto Seongwoo's member, feeling the elder leak, the wetness seeping through his boxers. Seongwoo fumbled with his boxers, ripping it off him, before spreading his legs widely, allowing Daniel to sit between his legs, groaning as their hard ons touched 

 

"Lay back, I'm gonna prep you okay?" Daniel ordered Seongwoo, leaning over to grab the bottle of lube as he opened it, struggling a bit since he was nervous, pouring a generous amount onto his fingers. He thought back to the videos he watched, trying to recreate them, but his goal was to make Seongwoo feel good

 

"Tell me if it hurts, I'll slow down, okay? Do you want a safeword?" Daniel whispered, kissing Seongwoo's temple, the elder shaking his head slowly, trusting Daniel. The younger spread the lube onto his fingers evenly, before taking one last glance at Seongwoo, who stared up at Daniel with wide eyes, the younger smiling down at the boy before sliding one digit inside Seongwoo

 

The elder tensed up, the new feeling still not adjusted, gasping at how uncomfortable it felt, Daniel froze as well, before Seongwoo nodded to let Daniel continue 

 

"Does it hurt?" Daniel asked, glancing down at Seongwoo who frowned slightly, "it totally isn't making me horny, it hurts kind of, but continue.." At that, Daniel laughed loudly, before crooking his fingers inside Seongwoo, slowly adding a second digit, feeling Seongwoo's muscles tighten around his fingers

 

Daniel definitely wasn't expecting Seongwoo to let out a ragged moan, most likely expecting the elder to cry, but instead he shut his eyes, biting his lip as he gestured for Daniel to continue.

 

Seongwoo's jaw tightened as Daniel slowly scissored him, wriggling his fingers inside the elder, "add another" Seongwoo ordered, gasping at the pleasure, the uncomfortableness suddenly vanished, only pleasure settling in his body. Daniel quickly obliged, slipping in one last finger, wriggling them inside to adjust to Seongwoo's tight hole

 

"You're so tight.." Daniel groaned, pushing further, hearing Seongwoo exhale loudly, suddenly arching his back once Daniel's fingers were met with his prostate 

 

"Fuck fuck do that again, baby fuck" Seongwoo breathed hard, pulling harshly at Daniel's hair, practically pushing himself onto Daniel's finger. Daniel didn't hesitate, finally getting the hang of pleasuring Seongwoo, finding the right spots. The younger crooked his fingers for better access, adjusting his fingers to repeatedly hit Seongwoo's prostate, as the elder thrust down on Daniel's fingers for deeper angles 

 

Growing impatient, Daniel jerked his wet fingers back, hearing Seongwoo whine at the loss of contact, "eager for me aren't we?" Daniel murmured, pressing his lips onto Seongwoo's neck, as he felt the elder's head bob up and down as he was agreeing 

 

"Want you so badly, Kang" Seongwoo breathed out, hugging the younger boy. Daniel straightened his body, capturing Seongwoo's lips on his for a long slow kiss, messy most of it, before asking for one final confirmation, "are you sure?" He furrowed his brows, as Seongwoo stared at him dead in the eye

 

"I want you to fuck me"

 

Daniel groaned at the words, grabbing the condom packet, ripping it off as fast as he could, only wanting to feel Seongwoo. The boy slipped it on, coating lube onto himself as well, before stealing one last kiss from Seongwoo's lips, making the boy get on his hands and knees

 

It was a sight to see, Seongwoo nearly submissive for Daniel, and it excited Daniel, never experiencing something like this. Seongwoo was just as excited, as he's only ever been with girls, doing the work, but for once he was on the receiving end of pleasure 

 

Daniel leaned forward, kissing at the back of Seongwoo's neck, letting his hands rest Seongwoo's bottom, hearing the elder sigh. Daniel slowly leans back, holding the base of his cock, lining it up at Seongwoo's entrance, praying that he wouldn't mess up

 

The boy slowly and cautiously pushed inside the elder, hearing Seongwoo moan loudly, "f-fuck, oh my god," the younger felt Seongwoo's ass clench around Daniel's thick length, pushing back from how filled up he felt. Daniel adjusted himself, before grabbing ahold of Seongwoo's ass, squeezing them before he thrusted deeper, hearing himself mewl from the pleasure 

 

As he pushed in further, Seongwoo led his hands to his own length, grabbing his hard on, slowly pumping as he felt Daniel slam into him, face falling onto the pillow, feeling his member leak onto the sheets

 

"F-faster Daniel, fuck harder!" Seongwoo practically shouted, his own pace increasing as he pumped faster, the head of his cock becoming sensitive. Daniel complied, gripping onto the elder's hips securely, slamming his cock inside Seongwoo's tight hole, burying his whole length inside, hearing Seongwoo shudder as he filled him up

 

Daniel couldn't describe the feeling in words, it just had to be felt to understand how amzing it was. He was high from the pleasure, from the intesnsity of it all, it was close to becoming one of his favorite experiences ever 

 

Daniel pushed in and out, having easy access, letting his hands massage through Seongwoo's scalp, as the elder proceeded to pump himself, sounding completely wrecked. Daniel's stomach began to pool from the sensation, the stimulation increasing from each thrust. Seongwoo's hand remained wrapped around his length, feeling weak as he felt himself about to release, crying for Daniel to go quicker 

 

"Daniel, p-please" Seongwoo begged, causing Daniel to growl, his own cock becoming sore, slamming in one last time, rocking into Seongwoo at a quickened pace

 

"Baby, I'm gonna c-come," Daniel choked out, voice becoming hoarse as he felt overstimulated, before he felt himself come inside Seongwoo, eyes lidded as his face fell behind Seongwoo's neck, breathing heavily 

 

Soon enough Seongwoo felt his own cock twitch, the climax about to hit as he pushed back onto Daniel's length, sweat dripping down his face, moans becoming husky, cum squirting on his chest and onto the sheets

 

The elder collapsed onto the pillows, bringing Daniel down along with him. Daniel was completely fucked out, breathing hard before he slowly pulled out, making sure not to hurt Seongwoo, quickly taking the condom off him, tying it carelessly, discarding it on the floor, dropping down to hold Seongwoo

 

The elder hadn't recovered either, chest rising with ever breath, "y-you were so good," Seongwoo croaked out, facing Daniel, burying his face inside the younger's chest. Daniel smiled softly, kissing the top of Seongwoo's head, despite him being the elder one, right now he look vulnerable, and instead, the younger one 

 

" _We_ , we did so good, for our first time, we weren't too bad," Daniel smiled into Seongwoo's hair, who nodded in agreement, smiling softly as well. Seongwoo turned up to look at Daniel, bringing his lips onto the blonde's, for a slow and passionate kiss, before pulling away with a toothy grin

 

_"I never want to fuck a girl ever again"_

+

The night came to and end, with Jihoon and Guanlin bidding his family members, and his mother a goodbye

 

Before the both could leave, Guanlin's mother pulled her son aside, "what?" The Taiwanese boy looked at his mother questionably

 

"He's a keeper.." His mother smiled, reaching out to caress the taller boy's face

 

Guanlin felt his heart break right there, because he could never have Jihoon. He was hurting because he liked Jihoon so much, and here, his own mother approved of Jihoon. Knowing his act wouldn't last, and he'd have to break the news to her sooner or later, it hurt him

 

Guanlin's breath hitched, plastering a fake smile before nodding, "he is.."

 

"Take care of him well, yeah? He's a really nice boy, and I can tell he's insecure, he barely tried to eat today!" His mother frowned, walking towards Jihoon, " _you_ listen to me, skip any more meals, I will personally smack some sense into you, Guanlin tell your boyfriend about my smacks, _they hurt,_ " as Guanlin turned to Jihoon, nodding, thinking back to the days his mom would smack him for being disobedient 

 

Jihoon giggled, breaking on the inside because everything felt perfect. He felt like he had another mother figure, Guanlin who takes care of him, a perfect dream ready to shatter 

 

"I'll make sure to avoid them, and eat well. Thank you for having us, the food was amazing, honestly speaking, the bulgogi was better than my mother's..." Jihoon whispered the last part, as Guanlin's mother smiled widely, embracing Jihoon warmly, "you're welcome here anytime son, you make Guanlin so happy and I hope he does the same for you."

 

Jihoon looked at Guanlin, before nodding, "he d-does, he takes care of me very well, I hope to do the same.."

 

Guanlin wanted to run away. He hated how close his mother was becoming to Jihoon, he hated how perfect everything was. He hated how badly he wanted to push Jihoon against a wall and kiss him, hold him, and make him happy. He hated how Jihoon saw himself from a dark light, when he was the most near perfect, pretty fragile boy ever. Guanlin wanted to shower Jihoon with love, he wanted the boy to wake up smiling, and liking what he saw in the mirror. 

 

_Guanlin wanted to love Jihoon, but he couldn't and that was the harsh reality._

 

"We should, uhm go.." Guanlin coughed, not wanting to see Jihoon and his mother get attached right before his eyes, Jihoon slowly nodded, walking beside Guanlin

 

They were silent, Guanlin's heart was beating at uneven pace, Jihoon's eyes were avoiding the younger, his own heart hurting 

 

_They were so close to each other, yet felt so far away from one another_

 

Guanlin cleared his throat first as they drove in silence for ten minutes, "thank you for today, you're really good at acting," the younger nervously smiled, as Jihoon drove, concentrated on the road, lips forming into a frown

 

"I wasn't acting," causing Guanlin's head to snap up, heart racing in anticipation to hear what he had to say, "I meant what I said. I'm grateful for you, and I'm thankful that you do care about me and take care of me, and I'm sorry if I haven't returned that.."

 

Guanlin felt like he couldn't breathe, staying completely silent, staring down at his lap as soon as Jihoon spoke those words, "y-you don't owe me anything-"

 

"I don't, but I want to." Jihoon spoke confidently, turning his head slightly to glance at Guanlin, _"it pains me to say this, but you're an amazing person Lai Guanlin"_

 

Guanlin could finally breathe, face breaking into a grin as he fidgeted with his thumbs, Jihoon complimented him

 

They'd soon arrived in front of Guanlin's apartment, stepping out as Jihoon walked the younger towards the entrance 

 

Guanlin was on his heel, ready to leave, before Jihoon jogged up behind him 

 

"Wha-"

 

Jihoon pulled Guanlin in for a tight hug, burying his face into the younger's chest. The warmth, Guanlin's cologne, it felt so fucking good to Jihoon. Guanlin stiffended up under the sudden approach, slowly relaxing as he wrapped his arms back around Jihoon's body, resting his chin on the elder's head

 

Jihoon tightened his hold on Guanlin, as if he never wanted to let go, throat going dry, lungs closing as he wanted to cry because he loved Guanlin so much, and he wanted to be held by Guanlin this way all the time

 

_But all good things come to an end_

 

Jihoon wanted them to be a permanent, but he knew fate would only let them be a temporary, they were just an act after all. _But their feelings for each other weren't._  

 

Guanlin's fingers made its way towards Jihoon's hair, slowly massaging him through, causing Jihoon to breathe hard, snuggling up closer to Guanlin, lips nearly about to touch the younger's neck. Guanlin touched him with care, touched him like he'd break with the roughest of touches, always being gentle with Jihoon

 

Guanlin was the first to pull away, not wanting to get any closer before he'd do something he'd regret, like kissing Jihoon

 

Jihoon's face showed a hint of disappointment from the loss of warmth, straightening himself, turning around ready to leave with no words exchanged, before Guanlin grabbed his wrist, looking straight into Jihoon's eyes, opening his mouth, expression serious

 

_"Please take care of yourself better, sleep more, and please eat, I don't like seeing you tired..Goodnight Park Jihoon."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sad i love panwink so much i'm gonna fucking commit omg tysm for reading BOOKMARK SUBSCRIBEEE KUDOS COMMENT THANKS LADIES ! ILL UPDATE SOON LEAVE FEEDBACK MUAH


	17. s e v e n t e e n

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLOOOOOOOOO SOOOO ILL UPDATE TWICE BC YALL DESERVE IT OFNFKDKD BE PREPARED RO BE HURT W DRAMA AS WE'RE NEARING THE ENDDDD

1 week and 6 days was all Jihoon had left with Guanlin.

 

After their time was up, so will be their act, and it made Jihoon wonder if the younger would even want to be friends after that. What hurt Jihoon more was that he wasn't sure if he wanted to be friends, especially with his newfound feelings, he didn't know if he could contain himself

 

"I feel like we haven't talked in ages, I miss you so much," Daehwi pouted beside Jihoon, snatching the book Jihoon was reading away from his grip

 

"Well some of us are busy with their boyfrien- I mean you're busy with yours," Jihoon quickly corrected himself. 

 

_Had he just referred to Guanlin as his boyfriend?_

 

The boy felt his cheeks heat up, praying that Daehwi wouldn't grow suspicious, sighing in relief when the younger hadn't caught on. "Hyung, I'm sorry. It's just, Jinyoungie makes me so happy, and I just, I love him so much? It feels surreal that we're even together, sometimes I'm scared that he'll leave me and so I just want to cherish every moment with him, so I'm sorry if we detached a bit..." The younger spoke softly, genuinely looking upset, making Jihoon upset by each word

 

All Jihoon could think of was Guanlin. He envied, and was quite jealous of Daehwi, he was with the one he loves, especially the boy he loves. Whereas Jihoon could only see his love as a beautiful mistake, because he shouldn't have ever developed feelings for Lai Guanlin. But things didn't turn out that way

 

"Yah! Stop apologizing, do you understand how happy I am for you? You've been waiting so long, and now you're finally together, don't worry about me-"

 

"But how can I not worry? You're my best friend, and I haven't been checking up on you as often..." The younger frowned more, feeling guilty, when he had no reason to be guilty for. But all Jihoon could think about how he was unaffected because Guanlin checked up on him everyday, a small smile creeping up on his lips. "It's okay..that brat Guanlin's been looking after me, so you're off the mother duty," Jihoon chuckled, blushing at the thought of the Taiwanese boy

 

Upon mentioning Guanlin, Daehwi's head snapped up quickly, excited to hear something positive about the boy. "Oh my god! Is he actually nice? I haven't gotten the chance to get close to him, and he usually looks bored or cold-" the younger's lips formed into a frown, before continuing, "but how is he?" Daehwi asked curiously, eyes large as he stared up at Jihoon

 

How was Guanlin? Jihoon wanted to say the loveliest boy, the most selfless person in the world. A gift from God, not to exaggerate, but Guanlin was near to becoming one of Jihoon's favorite people, and he deserved all the praise in the world.

 

_Guanlin was someone he was in love with_

 

"He's really annoying, _but that's what I like about him._ He's always got something smart to say, constantly bickering with me, but it's honestly amusing really, having someone with an attitude like mine. He uhm, he understands me really well, despite his 'careless' demeanor, he's extremely caring. He listens to my worries, he makes sure I eat not three, but 5 meals a day. He has a really cute infectious laugh, a really really cute smile-" Jihoon stopped as he realized what he was saying, hearing Daehwi fumble around, with a knowing smile

 

"Are you sure he's a friend? You talk like he's your lover," Daehwi nonchalantly laughed, having no serious meaning behind it, but it made Jihoon alert. 

 

"Yah! Shut up, don't say that. I would never, he's gross.." Jihoon faked a gag, his heart twisting upon saying the words, because it was the complete opposite of how he felt. "Since we don't all know each other well, how about we go on a little road trip, and spend time together?" Daehwi suggested, snapping Jihoon out of his thoughts.

 

A road trip? With Guanlin? Jihoon let out a loud laugh, thinking of how they'd end up in a car accident 5 minutes into the ride

 

Daehwi looked up at Jihoon questionably, "what's so funny?" Jihoon shook his head, body shaking from laughter, "n-nothing, I just- never mind"

 

"So is that a yes or a no?.."

 

"It's a yes"

+

 

Guanlin was contemplating on whether he should play it off cool and ask to hang out with Jihoon, or simply stalk the elder's instagram. If he asks the elder to meet, then he'll get teased, and Lai Guanlin is no man to get teased, _he_ does the teasing 

 

 _"You're so fucking annoying, fuck you for being so cute and naive, asshole."_ Guanlin glared at his phone, whispering to himself, angry at Jihoon for being Park Jihoon. In all honesty, he was confused as hell. The way Jihoon clung onto him last night, the way he breathed hard when Guanlin pet his hair

 

It drove Guanlin crazy, just how badly he wanted to hold Jihoon in his arms, and kiss his pretty face. Truthfully, Jihoon looked the most perfect when he was in Guanlin's arms, they fit perfectly, like a puzzle piece, _ready to shatter_

 

Guanlin wanted to baby Jihoon, despite being the younger one, he wanted to shower the elder with love and affection. He wanted to help Jihoon see himself through the eyes of Guanlin; effortlessly beautiful. He wanted Jihoon to stop putting himself down, and start loving himself the way Guanlin was slowly starting to

 

Jihoon's lips drove Guanlin insane, it'd gotten so bad, just how badly Guanlin craved those pair of lips. Jihoon let people step over him, _Guanlin would never let anyone do that, not as long as he was beside Jihoon._ Except, he'd only be beside the boy for a temporarily amount of time, _wishing_ it was a forever

 

_To: Park Jihoon_

_Hi_

 

Guanlin wanted to throw his phone, immediately regretting that he'd texted the elder. He hates himself for missing him, when it's only been 15 hours and 23 minutes since he'd last shared a hug with him.

 

_Not that he was counting or anything_

 

Sinking in regret, the younger jumped as soon as he heard his text tone go off

 

_From: Park Jihoon_

_Hi?_

_Did you accidentally text me?_

 

Of course, why would he expect Guanlin to text him? Guanlin would never initiate such, to actually have a conversation. It's just not a 'Guanlin' thing to do

 

_To: Park Jihoon_

_Uh yeah_

_Did you eat?_

 

It's the only thing Guanlin cared about the most. Everyday the scene of the elder throwing up scarred his mind, he made sure to know that Jihoon was taking care of himself, at this point he didn't care if he'd get teased

 

_From: Park Jihoon_

_I had a yogurt :)_

 

Guanlin groaned in frustration, how could he add a smiley face after admitting to only eating a fucking yogurt. It was barely anything, only worrying Guanlin

 

_To: Park Jihoon_

_A fucking yogurt? That's it?_

_Unbelievable_

_Your showcase is tomorrow, and that's all you ate?_

_What the fuck_

 

Guanlin may have been overreacting a lot, but he didn't care. He wanted Jihoon to have all the nutrients and energy he could get before his contest. 

 

_From: Park Jihoon_

_stop worrying about me!!_

_you're too cute ^_^_

 

Guanlin must've been high or hallucinating, because there was _no_ way that Park Jihoon typed that out, with his own fingers, calling _him_ cute, his heart skipped a beat as corny as it sounded

 

_From: Park Jihoon_

_I DIDNT SEND THAT_

_DAEHWI DID_

_I HATE HIM_

 

Guanlin was back to scowling, _to think_ Jihoon would actually call him cute, pouting like a child

 

_To: Park Jihoon_

_stop lying_

_i know you find me handsome princess ;)_

 

_From: Park Jihoon_

_I'm || this close to blocking you_

_(the space is meant to show how close I am to blocking you btw)_

 

Guanlin's lips twitched into a wide smile, giggling at how nonsensical Jihoon was, and how adorable he was

 

_To: Park Jihoon_

_Please eat something._

 

_From: Park Jihoon_

_WAIT SHIT_

_IGNORE THAT_

_I DIDNT MEAN TO SEND THAT_

_THAT WAS MEANT TO GO TO SOMEONE ELSE_

_AND okay i will :)_

 

Guanlin would've been lying if he didn't say he grew jealous. Why does Jihoon have a selfie of the some attractive boy in his phone? Scoffing as he typed out angrily

 

_To: Park Jihoon_

_who the fuck is that_

 

 _Maybe_ Guanlin came off too harsh, but he didn't care! He was annoyed, and very jealous that his own pictures weren't in Jihoon's phone, ignoring the fact that he's never asked for himself to be in his phone, but regardless!

 

_From: Park Jihoon_

_my friend samuel_

_he took selcas on my phone and wanted me to send them to him_

_go to sleep guanlin_

 

_To: Park Jihoon_

_Okay_

_Gn_

_Don't wake up_

_(make sure to eat)_

 

_From: Park Jihoon_

_Gn Lai Guanlin_

_You're actually not an asshole_

 

That's all it took to make Guanlin grin, scrolling through Jihoon's instagram

 

 

_ parkjihoonie _

__

_baejinyoung, woojinpark and 112 others liked_

_parkjihoonie_ my ugly face with my handsome friends :-)

 

Guanlin scoffed, "you? Ugly? In your dreams Park, you're so annoying.." Guanlin continued staring at the pic, pouting and quite jealous that those boys got to take a selfie with Jihoon, yet all he's done with Jihoon is bicker. He definitely wasn't jealous, nor possessive 

 

_Guanlin still saved the pic anyway, before cropping the other boys out_

 

"Wait no. I've kissed him and hugged him, so jokes on you bastards-"

 

"Why the fuck are you talking to yourself?" Jinyoung asked out of the blue, making Guanlin jump in the air, literally about to break his phone. "You smallfaced motherfucker- scared the shit out of me!" Guanlin clutched at his heart, breathing hard, as if he's ran a marathon 

 

Jinyoung only shrugged, before taking Guanlin's seat. "So, my dear friend Guanlin-ah.." Jinyoung began, a playful smirk on his lips, ready to bother Guanlin

 

"What the fuck do you want?" Guanlin glared, shutting his phone off quickly, not wanting Jinyoung to see that he was indeed saving pictures of Park Jihoon

 

"You wanna tell me why Park Jihoon was hugging the living shit out of you last night, or..?" The elder raised his brows, a mischievous glint in his eyes, as he sat back, watching Guanlin freeze.

 

_When did Jinyoung- How did Jinyoung? What?_

 

"Ew why would I hug that prick?" Guanlin quickly defended, avoiding eye contact with Jinyoung, "I don't know, _you tell me_ , you guys seemed pretty cozy down there, from my VIP balcony view..." the elder snickered, knowing he'd caught Guanlin

 

The younger mentally cursed, before turning around, "he was uhm, he was smelling my cologne.."

 

_Shit_

 

Guanlin was terrible at lying, causing Jinyoung to laugh harder, nearly toppling off the couch, to which Guanlin wished had happened, "cut the crap and just tell me, do you like Park Jihoon?"

 

Well Guanlin wasn't expecting such a blunt and forward question, feeling his throat grow dry. Fuck, he couldn't lie to Jinyoung, this was his best friend of years, the first and only person who supported him when he came out. The person who believed him. Guanlin was annoyed, and trapped

 

"He's okay." Guanlin simply shrugged, feeling Jinyoung's eyes follow his every movement. "Cut the crap, Lai, tell me, do you like him? Because last time I checked, you never let me hug you, and you never gave a shit about anyone so much, to the point where you call the boy in the morning to remind him to eat..Yes I heard that while walking by to take a shit, so spill"

 

Guanlin was screwed, he didn't want to admit his feelings, but neither could he lie about them

 

"Yes, yes I fucking like him _okay_? I have a big fat gay crush on Park Jihoon, but it doesn't matter because he's as straight as they come, and he makes me wanna rip my hair out, but that's why I like him, he's so ugh!" 

 

Jinyoung was more than amused, watching his best friend become flustered and frustrated. But he was more than shocked, he didn't actually think Guanlin would admit it, especially knowing the younger hadn't been interested in anyone for over a year, since his first boyfriend 

 

" _The_ Lai Guanlin, most annoying, picky bastard-," Guanlin shot the elder a glare, " _actually_ likes someone after a year? A whole year after that mess you dated back then? Wah, Park Jihoon too? Of all people?" Jinyoung teased, mocking the younger who suddenly grew defensive?

 

"Yah! What's wrong with Park Jihoon? What do you mean 'of all people?' He's amazing and selfless, and he's cute and he's super nice, despite his sharp tongue, and the fact that he makes me wanna jump in front of a car, he's fucking amazing okay?" Guanlin felt extremely embarrassed as soon as those words slipped out his mouth, immediately replacing the blush on his face with a scowl

 

"Do you even hear yourself?" Jinyoung snorted, rolling his eyes, "are you sure you like him? Or you're in love with him?"

 

_Ridiculous_

 

"S-shut up I don't, I d-don't love him, never will it's just a stupid crush cause he's cute, that's all.." Guanlin stuttered, his heart rapidly racing, not believing his own words, and lies

 

"And I'm straight." Jinyoung retorted, pulling Guanlin down beside him, "best bros don't shit each other, so tell me, what do you like about him? This is huge, you haven't liked anyone for a year ever since you dated that bastard, what's his name? H-hyunhin?"

 

" _Hyunbin_ " Guanlin corrected, regretting the fact that he ever dated that coward. 

 

"Whatever, back to my question, when'd you realize you liked Park Jihoon? _And what do you even like about him?_ I mean, no offense, it takes _a lot_ to uhm catch your attention.." Guanlin glowered at the elder, huffing at the disrespect 

 

What does he like about Jihoon? From the top of his head, he could name a few, but there's just so much

 

"He's fucking stupid-"

 

"I said what you like about him, not what you hate about him, geez," Jinyoung cut the younger off, who scoffed, "I was getting to that part, fuckface"

 

Guanlin continued, collecting his thoughts as his mind raced back to Park Jihoon, "he's too caring, _and it annoys me._ He cares about everyone, _but_ himself, he doesn't even take care of himself well. You know why he's doing that showcase? He's working his ass off, skipping meals, just so he could win the money to help with his father's operation. He's extremely selfless, and fuck. Hyung, when I tell you he's beautiful, I mean it with every fiber in my body. He's just so so gorgeous, his face screams this type of innocence that makes me wanna hold him and, I don't know, he's just, he's so pretty. I hate how he puts himself down so much, constantly bringing himself down just because some assholes made fun of him, I wish he saw how amazing he was. When I saw him dance, the passion, the fluidity, it's something you have to witness to understand, I'm so withdrawn, I forget I have a piano to play, he's so captivating. He's too naive, h-he's shy, surprisingly with that annoying mouth of his, he's so warm. I love his round little face, his pretty brown eyes, his cute figure, I find him so endearing, I just wanna hold him-"

 

Guanlin stopped, not realizing that he'd been rambling, but he didn't care. "He makes me happy and content, he doesn't even realize it. I love when we argue about the dumbest things, I'd waste all my breath, all my time just to bicker about useless things with him, just because it involves being with him. He's everything I want and need, but will never have. He'll be with some nice girl, and I'll be stuck being a lonely gay tall guy my whole life. God, I love him so fucking much-"

 

" _Guanlin_ " Jinyoung cut in, tone shocked, eyes wide 

 

"What?" The younger asked, curiously as he watched Jinyoung gape at him

 

" _You just said you love Jihoon.._ "

 

Guanlin felt his lips curl up into a smile, not having the urge to deny it, nodding his head confidently 

 

 _"Yeah, I guess I did just admit to loving Park Jihoon"_  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RJSSJJSKSKS GUANLINNNN OMGMGMG OK THIS WAS JUST A CUTE KINDA CHAP BC IVE BEEN MAKING YALL SUFFER SK WNJOY PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBAKC AND WHATNOT ID APPRECIAGE IT AND TYSM FOR READINF BOOKMARK KUDOS SUBSCRIBE LFMSOOD


	18. e i g h t e e n

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yea yea fluff in this chap too bc i will make y'all suffer later on so enjoy while it lasts BDKSJSKSKS

1 week and 5 days was left. Jihoon kept track, upset yet excited that he gets to spend time with Guanlin. 

 

"Alright, let's run it from the top one last time, okay?" the Taiwanese boy spoke, tuning the piano as Jihoon stared off to space, or practically eyeing Guanlin. But Jihoon was insecure, and he anticipated failure, lowering his confidence by each passing seconds, only a few hours until his showcase would arrive 

 

Guanlin watched the boy doze off, knowing Jihoon was already being hard on himself. It killed him to see the elder have such a negative perception of himself, when he saw a hardworking boy who fought. Exhaling sharply, Guanlin walked over to Jihoon, crouching down to sit next to the boy, taking his hand in his own

 

Jihoon must've been surprised, gasping as his body startled upon the contact. "Word of advice. I was in your position last year, for some stupid dancing competition, always practicing, do you wanna know what happened?" the younger began, slightly distracted by the warmth of Jihoon's small hands in his larger ones

 

The elder shook his head, with a small frown, "I got last place." Guanlin bluntly stated, causing Jihoon to look at younger questionably. "And how is this supposed to help me..?" Jihoon eyed the younger curiously 

 

"It's not-"

 

"You're full of shit," Jihoon cut the younger off, not realizing when their fingers had interlocked, resting on Guanlin's lap. The taller boy laughed, body falling back onto the floor, dragging Jihoon along with him. 

 

_Jihoon liked the warmth between their hands, resting on the floor together_

 

"My point is, you and I were in similar positions, but completely different. Here's why, I lacked practice, I was bored, I deserved my position, but when I look at you...-" Guanlin turned to face Jihoon, staring right into his eyes, voice becoming just above a whisper, "I see passion. Anyone who'd see you dance could easily figure out, your aim is to _win_ , and _I_ believe you will. Please believe me when I say I have faith in you.."

 

Jihoon believed everything, nodding slowly as his lips shaped into a wide smile, making Guanlin pinch his cheeks. It was the perfect moment, the two of them hand in hand, laid next to each other, smiling at one another for no reason. Maybe Guanlin didn't have a reason to smile, but Jihoon definitely did.

 

_He had Lai Guanlin, and that was the biggest reason to smile, especially when he believed in him_

+

 

"Hyung you look so good!" Daehwi gushed, helping Jihoon put on blue contacts. He wanted to look different, and feel confident for once. Maybe an eye catcher for Guanlin, but he doubts the younger would notice. "Okay, now all we have to do is curl your hair!"

 

God bless for Daehwi being in Jihoon's life, the boy who'd been helping Jihoon prepare his appearance for the showcase. Had it not been for the younger, Jihoon would look like a walking disaster; male version of Gigi Hadid, _except he can walk_

 

As Daehwi curled Jihoon's hair, the elder was back to his train of thoughts about Guanlin. He's all that occupied Jihoon's mind lately, and he didn't mind it one bit

 

_From: my baby_

_Ready for the showcase_

_I probably look better than you, but then again, I always do lol_

_Tell me I'm sexy_

 

Jihoon rolled his eyes, quickly saving the picture as Daehwi went back to grab hairspray. 

 

_To: my baby_

_You look like shit_

 

_From: my baby_

_:(_

_okay... :/_

 

Jihoon was naive, and gullible, immediately frowning and panicking once Guanlin sent sad emojis, rushing out to spam the younger 

 

_To: my baby_

_IM KIDDING_

_YOU LOOK SO CUTE_

_DONT BE SAD :(_

 

_From: my baby_

_did u actually call me cute this time or was it daehwi on ur phone again?_

 

Jihoon felt his cheeks heating up, unable to type out a response, fingers slightly trembling on the keyboard, probably making the younger think he was typing out a long response 

 

_To: my baby_

_it was me this time._

 

_From: my baby_

_Good._

_You're cute too, Park Jihoon_

_See you in 4 hours_

 

Guanlin called him cute, _again_. And he didn't have a smartass remark after it, Jihoon would be lying if he denied the fact that his palms were beginning to sweat, heart fluttering, cheeks going beet red

 

"Why're you blushing?" Daehwi asked behind him, making Jihoon jump in surprise, hand making contact with the _very_ hot curling iron, screeching in pain. Daehwi stopped on his tracks, rushing to Jihoon, attempting to stop the burn

 

"Blowing on my fucking hand won't make it stop the burning!" Jihoon exasperated, flinging his hand everywhere from the excruciating pain. Daehwi pouted, running to the kitchen, nearly falling over with ice on his hands 

 

"Stop yelling at me!" Daehwi fumbled, rushing to cool Jihoon's hand

 

"Guess we can say you're hot, eh?"

 

"Shut the fuck up"

+

 

Guanlin was desperate to see Jihoon, it was embarrassing just how badly his mind spun over the elder boy. 

 

"Do you think Jihoon hyung will run up and kiss me after he wins?" Guanlin mindlessly asked, sprawled out on Jinyoung's bed as the elder fixed his hair in the mirror, "No," Jinyoung bluntly replied 

 

"Fuck you"

"Uhm, no thanks you're still a minor, kid"

 

Guanlin groaned in annoyance, having stupid hopeful fantasies of a possibility that Jihoon would kiss him out of joy, but the chances of that were lower than him being gay

 

"You should, you know, tell him how you feel.." Jinyoung mumbled, buttoning up his shirt as Guanlin gave him 'are you fucking stupid' look. 

 

"Yeah let me just tell Park Jihoon the boy who wears ugly ass cardigans, who literally told me he was straight, that I'm in love with him, thank you Bae Jinyoung you're _such_ a fucking genius, what would I ever do without my best friend?" Guanlin mocked, nothing but sarcasm laced in his voice as Jinyoung raised his hands defensively. "I thought Daehwi was straight but look at us-"

 

" _Correction_ , Daehwi said he liked boys and then you had the balls to ask him out, last time I checked Jihoon was checking out our waitress, and was mad that she hit on _me_ , the gay guy" Guanlin scoffed, growing frustrated by the second, dramatically throwing his hands in the air. 

 

"Then make him like you"

 

"Yeah? And do what, rub my balls on his face? You're dumb," Guanlin kept throwing sarcastic remarks at the elder, huffing in annoyance. He decided that he'd just have to live with the fact that Jihoon will always and only be an attraction in his mind, nothing more. Sinking in his seat as it truly hit him that he could actually never see a future with the elder, it hurt 

 

"Aish talking to you makes my head hurt"

 

+

 

Guanlin was nowhere to be in sight, and Jihoon's performance was in one hour and they still hadn't had a last minute practice. To say the least, Jihoon wanted to jump off a cliff and drown in misery because he was growing anxious

 

"Stop moving around so much, you're gonna ruin your shirt.." Daehwi held Jihoon in place, preventing Jihoon from becoming a fidgeting mess, "he'll be here okay? Guanlin isn't the type to bail on you last minute, after all the days you've both practiced together.." the younger tried reassuring Jihoon, who only grew more impatient, biting on his nails, as Daehwi slapped his hand away

 

Just as Jihoon was about to snap, a panting Guanlin and Jinyoung had come to sight, the youngest kneeling down to catch his breath. "This dumbass forgot to refill his car with gas, and it stopped in the middle of the freeway, so guess what? I just fucking ran for thirty minutes..." Guanlin breathed out, still trying to catch his breath

 

Jihoon softened, the fact that Guanlin cared enough to run for him, and not bail out on him? "It's not like I asked for my car to stop!" Jinyoung defended, flabbergasted as Daehwi kissed the boy's cheek to calm him down. Jihoon looked away, heart dropping at the sight because he wished he could kiss Guanlin like that, so freely, being without an act. He's never been so jealous of someone before, but here he was

 

"Are you wearing contacts?" Guanlin asked out of nowhere, startling Jihoon, who thought the boy wouldn't even notice the change, thinking he'd get teased, but instead Guanlin praised him

 

" _You look good.._ " Guanlin smiled, bringing his face too close to Jihoon's to check his eyes, making Jihoon dart his eyes in every other direction, breath hitching because he was _so_ close to kissing Guanlin if the younger didn't move away right now 

 

_But he didn't_

 

"Y-you look good too-" Jihoon stuttered, leaning back, Guanlin shot the boy his signature smirk

 

"I know, princess"

 

Jihoon scoffed, the younger always making smart remarks, never appreciating a compliment 

 

Jihoon refrained from kissing the younger, slowly moving his head back, "c-can we practice one last time?"

 

Guanlin furrowed his brows, staring up at Jihoon with confusion, "you still want to practice? Park Jihoon, you're perfect, stop getting so worked up, didn't I tell you to believe me?" Jihoon doubted himself the most, but once Guanlin asked to believe him, it was exactly what Jihoon did. Because for some reason, he trusted Guanlin a lot.

 

"Let's go backstage," Guanlin flashed Jihoon a bright smile, grabbing at his arm, pulling him away. 

 

"Are you nervous?" Guanlin asked as they walked side by side, stealing glances from the elder, because he looked too good to not stare at. Jihoon, unfortunately had his head down, making it hard for Guanlin to admire him, " _obviously, but with you, I'm not.._ " Jihoon shyly whispered, hoping the dim dark lights of the room would hide his red cheeks. Guanlin's heart flutter upon hearing the words, the boy nervously chuckling in response 

 

"Yah, don't say that! You would've been just as amazing alone, because you're so talented and passionate.." Scratching at the nape of his neck, because being around Jihoon was suddenly becoming hard, only wanting to kiss him. Jihoon looked so good, he doesn't even know what he does to Guanlin

 

"Wah! Is that Park Jihoon? He's a big boy now-" a voice teased from behind them, making Jihoon groan. The one and only bastard who's bothered him ever since middle school, the one who lowered his confidence. "Is that football field forehead looking boy your friend, or should I teach him a lesson?" Guanlin whispered in Jihoon's ear, fists clenching by his sides. Jihoon began to giggle, the words Guanlin used were ridiculous, "that's the asshole who's been bothering me and picking on me, but it's okay, ignore him.." Jihoon gently held back Guanlin's arms

 

"Don't talk about Jihoon hyung being a big boy with that megamind forehead of yours, now get the fuck out of my face" Guanlin snapped, stepping forward the boy, literally towering over him. Surprisingly Guanlin looked intimidating, and kind of hot? But Jihoon would never admit that

 

"Megamind, oh my god I hate you.." Jihoon laughed, covering his face with his mouth, but Guanlin moved his hands away, "you look cute when you laugh, don't cover your face asshole"

 

It made Jihoon wonder how Guanlin could say those things just so casually? How he made Jihoon's mind go crazy with just a few words. He drove Jihoon crazy

 

"Did you eat today?" The question Guanlin never forgets to ask, it made Jihoon's heart ache, he couldn't believe Guanlin was real, and someone who isn't forgetful. For the first time, Jihoon confidently answered, "I ate a lot, two plates of beef bulgogi!" the elder giggled excitedly, watching Guanlin's mouth form into a bright smile, eyes wrinkling, if a smile could make your heart flutter that much

 

"I think that's the only thing that's ever come out your mouth that didn't make my head hurt, I'm so happy.." Guanlin sighed in relief, pulling the elder in for a hug, catching Jihoon off gaurd, who relaxed his shoulders, wrapping his arms around Guanlin's waist 

 

"Are you actually happy?" Jihoon's voice was muffled into Guanlin's chest, who pulled away, staring right into Jihoon's eyes, nodding slowly, "Yes I'm happy, I'm so happy that you finally fucking ate a lot of food, as you should.." Showing off his gummy smile, if Jihoon had the courage to only capture those lips in for a kiss, he would 

 

"I'm so grateful for you, Guanlin-ah.." Jihoon smiled shyly, turning his head to the side as he felt embarrassed for showing his gratitude, he could practically hear Guanlin holding this against him to tease for. 

 

"Contestants, please line up on the sides for your performances, we will call you up to standby 5 minutes before the curtains open.." a lady informed the performers, as Jihoon became nervous again, before he felt Guanlin slip his hand in his, "we went over this before, if you stress, you mess! Smile and dance for the prize, for the praise like you told me, and I believe in you, okay?" Guanlin spoke softly, genuineness behind his voice, always managing to calm Jihoon

 

_"We got this"_

+

As Jihoon and Guanlin were near the curtains, seeing the crowd from the peek, Jihoon noticed all of his friends, including Guanlin's mother in the audience

 

His eyes went wide, "Guanlin..why are they all here?" the boy asked, throat growing dry upon seeing everyone, scared to make a fool of himself. "I invited them, I want them to see what I saw," the boy simply responded, clearly unbothered unlike Jihoon who was nearly about to go in panic mode

 

"Guanlin stop exaggerating! I'm not that g-good, God I'll embarrass myself, oh my god-"

 

"Park Jihoon, talk anymore shit I swear I'll kiss you in front of everyone," Guanlin joked in a stern tone, causing Jihoon to shrink, because he really wouldn't mind that, kind of.

 

"Contestant, Park Jihoon and piano accompaniment Lai Guanlin, please step out-" 

 

It was time, Jihoon actually froze, unable to move, wanting to run away and avoid everything and lock himself up. But Guanlin wouldn't let that happen, he would not let Jihoon's efforts go unnoticed or wasted, grabbing his hand, "please trust me, take a deep breath.." Guanlin rubbed small circles around Jihoon's hand, guiding him to breathe

 

Next thing, they were on stage, Guanlin behind Jihoon who kept his head ducked down. They were no longer hip to hip, as Guanlin took a seat at his piano, praying that Jihoon wouldn't lose his confidence. Jihoon on the other hand, kept looking at Guanlin for help, internally freaking out, until he heard the judges announce their performance, the audience clapping for them

 

Jihoon took one last glance at Guanlin, who only smiled in return, mouthing encouragement to the elder. Jihoon could breathe, smiling back, before facing the crowd and bowing 

 

At first all he saw were lights, and the faces of everyone who's put him down, but as soon as the chords began, Jihoon found himself thinking of Guanlin, gently moving his hips to the music. He felt free, it was just his body, and the music. Except now, it was Guanlin too. Guanlin kept him going, smiling and opening his eyes as he gracefully spun and danced around the stage

 

His heart was pounding, he was high, he felt like he could soar, he felt his legs give out, twirling and doing a spontaneous split on the floor, rolling as he'd gotten up, back to swaying

 

Everything felt like a perfect blur, the only picture on his mind was Guanlin, his lips, his eyes, his gummy smile, his voice, just him, and that's what kept Jihoon going

 

The last chord was played, Jihoon dropped, one last final spin, and done

 

Jihoon did it, he knew it not because the crowd was cheering loudly, but because Lai Guanlin was up on his own two feet, clapping with the biggest smile, mouthing 'you did it Park Jihoon'

 

_And he really believed, he did it_

+

"Congratulations Park Jihoon-" Jihoon didn't think he'd hear that phrase, gaping in shock once his name was announced as he felt Guanlin nudge him, frozen. Jihoon was frozen, until reality snapped at him, walking up to claim his prize 

 

_He did it_

 

He really did it, and Lai Guanlin's smile, and the big fat check in his hands proved that. The first thing he did before giving his speech was to turn back and smile at Guanlin who looked at him like he was some prized possession. Jihoon adored Guanlin so much, he was ecstatic 

 

Everyone gathered around Jihoon, Hyungseob shoving past everyone to jump into Jihoon's arms, shouting in his face, clapping excitedly as Woojin tried to pull his boyfriend away, smiling apologetically at Jihoon, who only waved him off, giggling in response because he was the happiest he'd been in so long, dissaponted that his own parents didn't show up. But it was okay, _because Guanlin was by his side the whole time._ And for some reason that made everything okay

 

"Jihoon-ah, that was so beautiful, my beautiful son Guanlin, I'm so proud of you, and I'm so happy you went back to playing.." Guanlin's mother walked up, flowers in her hand as she smiled at the two boys

 

Jihoon was praying that she wouldn't mention anything about them being together, scared that his friends would find about their dirty little secret

 

"Let's go backstage.." Guanlin cut through, helping Jihoon, almost like he read his mind

 

His mother shot him a look, but followed, "why can't I take a picture here?" His mother mumbled, trying to work with her phone, making Jihoon giggle

 

"Okay, now kiss Jihoon-ah's cheek, come on come on, I know you kids do this a lot.." Guanlin's mother ordered them, gesturing for Guanlin to get close to Jihoon

 

If Jihoon could describe his feelings, it's that he wanted to run away, but also thank Guanlin's mother at the same time

 

He felt Guanlin wrap his hands around Jihoon's shoulder, holding him close, before his mouth was drawn close to his cheeks. Jihoon shut his eyes, mind clouding as he felt Guanlin's breath on his face, wanting the gap to close so badly

 

The pair of lips Jihoon fell crazy for were on his cheeks, a soft press, lingering as Jihoon balled his fists together to prevent himself from turning around to kiss the younger's lips. Guanlin's lips were so soft, Jihoon wished they stayed longer, but they were soon off, as soon as they heard the camera click go off

 

_"Even if my mom hadn't asked me to kiss you on the cheek, I would've done it anyways. Congratulations Park Jihoon"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BITHXJXHXJXX GUANLIN HE I FUCKXIFNFN OFNDKSJSNS I LOVE GUANLIN SO KCUCHCH OMG PLS BOOKMARK SUBSCRIBE KUDOS LADIES AND DONT DORGET TO COMMENT FEEDBACK TYSM FOR READING DJSBSNSN ILY


	19. n i n e t e e n

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg this chapter the end omg

"Daehwi" Jinyoung murmured, watching Guanlin and Jihoon argue over sushi at the buffet. They'd gone out to eat to celebrate Jihoon and Guanlin's win, but all Jinyoung could think about was Jihoon and Guanlin, especially after Guanlin's confession, the elder male couldn't help but eye them all night 

 

"Hmm?" Daehwi hummed with his mouth stuffed, making Jinyoung stare at him fondly, wiping away the sauce from the corner of lips, "aish..you eat like a child Daehwi-ah, but you're so cute.." the elder cooed, watching Daehwi turn away with red beet, "okay what were you saying?" Daehwi asked, finally gulping down his food

 

"What do you think about Guanlin and Jihoon..like them together when they're near each other?" The elder asked, forming a question that wasn't obvious to the fact that he was hinting at a more 'relationship' type of question. The younger boy tilted his head, staring at Guanlin and Jihoon, before turning to face Jinyoung, "I think they're close to ripping each other's heads off"

 

The blunt statement caused Jinyoung to burst into laughter, shaking his body, "..but well, Jihoon hyung's talked about his relationship with Guanlinie before, and he says Guanlin cares for him a lot, he literally described him as if he's his lover," Daehwi nonchalantly laughed, but it alerted Jinyoung, because he knew. He was very well aware of how his best friend felt towards the brown haired male. "Oh yeah? What'd he say to make you think that?" Jinyoung casually asked to play it off cool, but he was genuinely curious

 

Daehwi's expression had changed, thinking back to his conversation with Jihoon, before giggling, "he just randomly started talking about how Guanlin laughs, and smiles. He even called him pretty!" Jinyoung felt himself smiling, perhaps there would be a possibility of Jihoon warming up to Guanlin and falling for, it was hard for Jinyoung to admit, but Guanlin's charms

 

"You think Jihoon would ever date Guanlin?" Jinyoung lightheartedly laughed, stretching his arms over Daehwi's shoulder as if it was some causual question. 

 

"Never!" Daehwi laughed, head resting on Jinyoung's shoulder, "he's the most straight person I know.." Jinyoung felt his chest tighten for some reason, hurting because Daehwi knew Jihoon more well than anyone, and Jinyoung knew his best friend more than the world 

 

He knows how Lai Guanlin feels for Jihoon, he's seen the smile Guanlin displays when talking or being around Park Jihoon, he knows it all very well. And he doesn't want Guanlin hurt, he doesn't want Guanlin setting up a hole for himself, to only fall in. He wants Guanlin to be happy, "Yah! what's up with these weird questions?" Daehwi asked out of the blue, lightly slapping his chest, "n-nothing," Jinyoung mumbled, hearing Guanlin and Jihoon walk back

 

"He took the last of my favorite sushi, I hate him so much," Jihoon pouted, glaring at Guanlin, who shrugged with a small smile, "here you go, big baby.." Guanlin smiled, picking up the sushi to feed Jihoon. The elder on the other hand, blushed furisouly, before questioning his dignity, choosing his heart's content to eat the sushi, happily eating from Guanlin. Jinyoung watched it all go down, how giddy Guanlin looked to feed Jihoon, how his gums were all out on display because he was so happy to poke fun at Jihoon. It made Jinyoung ache, and frown because he could already see Guanlin breaking in the near future 

 

"In celebration of you two winning, Jinyoung and I rented out a car for a roadtrip, and his dad owns a lot of branches of hotels, so we'll be staying at one. You all can kiss my ass now," Daehwi announced, clapping his hands together, only watching Jihoon and Guanlin gape at him, "I thought the road trip thing was a joke, I didn't actually think you were serious about it.." Jihoon responded, clearly shocked, "a 'thank you' my best friend in the world Daehwi, would've been nicer.." Daehwi muttered under his breath, "Yah! I was getting to _that_ , thank you my best friend, when are we leaving? Did you guys reserve rooms?"

 

"Obviously I reserved a room for my boyfriend and I.." Daehwi gushed, smiling widely at Jinyoung, slipping his hands in the elder's under the table, before turning to Jihoon who looked worried, "and a room for you two monsters"

 

Back then, Jihoon would've hated to be in  the same room as the Taiwanese boy, but now he was only thankful to spend every close chance he got with the younger boy

 

Guanlin scoffed, "the only monster here is Park Jihoon," earning a slap from Jihoon. 

 

"Anyways, can you drop Guanlin off?" Jinyoung asked Jihoon, "why, where do you and Daehwi have to go?" Guanlin smirked, wiggling his brows as Jinyoung shot daggers towards his way

 

"I'll punch that smirk off your face," Jinyoung muttered, flicking Guanlin off, "and if I punch you, you won't even have a face, fucking small fuckface"

 

"I hate you"

+

Jihoon no longer felt nervous about being alone with Guanlin, well maybe sometimes, only because he was attracted to the boy

 

"Just a few more days, and then we'll be over with this crap like you wanted.." Guanlin spoke, staring out the window as Jihoon drove away. 

 

"Yeah.." Jihoon remembers clearly in the beginning, how badly he wanted their act to end as quickly as possible, but now it was the only source of way to be close to the younger. It sucked, and it hurt him

 

"Aren't you relieved about that?" Guanlin asked, something faltering in his voice as he spoke, Jihoon's voice croaked, nodding pathetically. "So relieved, been waiting for it to end from the start.." the boy nervously laughed, lies laced with his words, avoiding eye contact with Guanlin. How could he ask such a thing?

 

_You dumbass, I'm so in love with you_

 

Oh how Jihoon wished it were so easy to claim his love for Guanlin, to show his affection and be truthful to the world without hiding it. But Jihoon cared about his reputation more, or at least that's what his parents taught him

 

"Are you happy you won?" 

 

_No I'm happy that you were by my side_

 

"I don't know..I did it for my parents really, I'm just upset that they hadn't even come to see me, or check up on me, I don't care really, I'll just do my part.." Jihoon sadly laughed, Guanlin could only watch Jihoon break, wanting to patch him up, kiss him, and hold him. 

 

The car came to a stop, but none of them moved, both sat in comfortable silence, hidden with lies within them, secrets they're afraid to share. 

 

Guanlin slowly reached over to grab Jihoon's hands in his, feeling the elder unfold them, so Guanlin could grasp them tighter, the younger unable to look at their hands because it hurt him. It hurt him at how good at felt to hold Jihoon, but not actually have him

 

" _Your parents may have not said it, but I just want to say, I'm so proud of you Park Jihoon_ "

 

Jihoon shut his eyes, exhaling sharply, biting his lip, hating himself for being so sensitive, hating himself for being so in love with Guanlin, hating himself for letting himself love Guanlin, but hide it away. "I won't judge you if you cry, let it out.." Guanlin whispered, rubbing circles around the elder's hand, holding on tightly, feeling Jihoon squeeze back

 

So Jihoon did as he was told, breaking down, and not caring because Lai Guanlin promised not to judge him. And he never did. He never once judged Jihoon, and instead comforted him. 

 

Soft touches, that's what Guanlin always felt towards Jihoon. Leading his fingers down Jihoon's cheeks, wiping away the tears Guanlin hated to see, he hated seeing Jihoon sad. He hated seeing his baby cry, but at the end of the day, Jihoon was never his. 

 

"Stop calling me Park Jihoon," Jihoon croaked out helplessly, wiping his tears away furiously. Guanlin looked at him with a confused and questionable gaze, furrowing his brows together 

 

"Why?"

 

" _Call me hyung, I don't like it when you talk to me like I'm a stranger, you're my friend.._ "

 

Guanlin would've been lying if he denied the fact that his heart was racing extremely fast, Jihoon referred to him as his friend. He couldn't tell if he was disappointed or happy, but all this time he felt like he was nothing more than a convenience to the boy, an acquaintance, but he was wrong. Jihoon saw him as a friend

 

Guanlin smirked, shaking his head, "No thank you, Park Jihoon"

 

Jihoon groaned in annoyance, hating how stubborn and difficult Guanlin was. The younger still had his hands in his, suddenly feeling the warmth fade away as Guanlin slowly slipped his hand away, leaning over to Jihoon. His face was too close to Jihoon's face, lips nearly brushing over his ear

 

"Goodnight Jihoonie"

+

 

_From: Guanlinie_

_Fucking wake up bastard_

_bc of u we're all held back_

_i'm gonna come to ur place and fucking kill u_

_wake up!!!!_

_EW WTF IS THIS_

 

Jihoon's body quickly shot up at the multiple text tones going off from his phone, eyes going wide upon seeing the picture Guanlin had sent. 

 

"Motherfucker..." Jihoon hissed, glaring at his screen, before he ran to the washroom. 

 

The boy rushed, grabbing whatever he could, not caring to check at his reflection, before racing downstairs to see Guanlin leaning on their rental car, typing away on his phone

 

"Well, look who's waken up, princess Jihoonie," The Taiwanese boy teased, bowing down to Jihoon, as the elder muttered profanities under his breath, shoving past the younger

 

"Feisty and sexy.." Guanlin muttered under his breath

 

"I heard that!" Jihoon shouted from the other side of the car

 

"Well unhear it midget!"

 

 

"I'm not even that short, fucking skyscraper!"

 

Jinyoung was ready to push on the gas and leave without two, but Daehwi held him back. He was also considering to shoot himself, or push the two out of the car. 

 

Five minutes into the ride, Jihoon and Guanlin began arguing over who had the better window. Yes, the better window

 

30 minutes into the ride, Jihoon's head was laid on Guanlin's chest, fast asleep, as Guanlin played with the elder's fingers. Jinyoung only watched the scene go down from the rear view mirror, feeling for his best friend

 

Guanlin enjoyed the moment more than he should, but he loved holding Park Jihoon, loved the warmth that radiated off the boy. He was absolutely breathtaking, slowly and quickly placing a peck on the elder's head, hoping no one would notice. But Jinyoung did, giving the younger a sad knowing smile, which Guanlin returned

 

+

"Wake up, wake up!" Guanlin whispered, frustrated that Jihoon was in deep slumber, flicking his forehead repeatedly. But he looked so peaceful as he slept, softly snoring, Guanlin wanted to kiss his lips, but he held himself back like always

 

"Where are we..?" Jihoon stirred in his sleep, yawning and stretching like a baby, Guanlin could practically picture himself cooing at the elder, instead replacing his face with a scowl, "we're at the hotel dumbass, now get off me"

 

Upon hearing the words, Jihoon had realized that he was laying on Guanlin's chest, quickly pulling away, staring in every direction, but Guanlin's eyes

 

Guanlin was soon out of the car, leaving Jihoon behind, all flustered. Thinking back to how safe Jihoon felt wrapped up in Guanlin's hold

 

_Laying on Guanlin's chest felt great_

 

As soon as Jihoon stepped out the car, he noticed Guanlin was talking to a rather handsome boy, but Guanlin looked uncomfortable 

 

"Guanlinie, where's Daehwi and Jinyoung?" Jihoon asked, slowly walking behind Guanlin, "Guanlinie? Remember when I used to call you that?" the unfamiliar boy smiled.

 

He gave off bad vibes, and Jihoon decided that he didn't like the boy at all, and was growing irritated as he saw the boy touch Guanlin's shoulder 

 

"That was the past, Hyunbin hyung.." Guanlin tried to pry away from the situation, feeling awkward from the tension, but Jihoon felt the most out of place

 

Who was this guy? What was their past? Jihoon was annoyed by most of it, the way the boy eyed Guanlin, _like he was about to claw him,_ it bothered him more than anything 

 

"Oh, how forgetful of me! I forgot to introduce myself, hello, I'm Kwon Hyunbin, Guanlin's ex boyfriend, and you are?"

 

Jihoon felt his cheeks heat up, fists balling by his sides as he contained himself.

 

But he didn't care, he grabbed Guanlin's hand, pulling the boy's face in with his, leaning in to softly kiss the Taiwanese boy's lips, clearly catching him by surprise. But Guanlin responded quickly, pressing his lips back, a bit too eager, a slight tongue slip up into the kiss, just as he was feeling the kiss, Jihoon quickly pulled away, plastering a smile on his face, hands locked with Guanlin's

 

_"Hi, I'm Park Jihoon, Guanlin's current boyfriend"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY!! this story's coming to an end and guess what next chapter which i'm currently typing will be much better than this . uhm it's very angsty and will hurt u guys a lot so uhm prepare I FEEL TERRIBLE BUT DKSBSJS GET READY


	20. t w e n t y

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys wow.... this chapter just fucking wow omg uhm a few more chaps left maybe????????????? just read this wow. i won't let yall suffer anymore

Guanlin was avoiding Jihoon, and Jihoon knew that. Ever since he randomly kissed the younger boy, because he was jealous upon seeing his ex boyfriend, Guanlin's been detaching himself from Jihoon, even to the point where he no longer made snarky remarks about him

 

1 week and one day left. Jihoon literally kept track till deadline, wishing time would freeze, but the odds were against him and the days seemed to have gone quicker, with Guanlin now avoiding him. What hurt the most was how Guanlin never asked if he had eaten the next morning

 

_Guanlin always asked if Jihoon ate_

 

Jihoon didn't know what to make of it, that night when they shared a bed together, he recalls Guanlin being extremely quiet, as he slept towards the very edge of the bed, a huge gap between them. Compared to all the times the boy was wrapped up in Guanlin's chest, this was what separation felt like

 

During the car ride, Guanlin hadn't uttered a single word. Maybe something bothered him, maybe it was the kiss? But Guanlin did kiss back? Jihoon couldn't pin point if he'd done something wrong, and he wanted to find out. 

 

"Hey Daehwi, did Guanlin talk to you at all today?" Jihoon wondered, sad and lonely that he hasn't spoken to Guanlin for a whole day, curious to see if Guanlin was ignoring the elder. Daehwi nodded, "He's at his parent's place, said he's not feeling well..." The younger shrugged, before hesitantly speaking up again, "y-you shouldn't check up on him, he wants to be left alone." Okay now Jihoon grew worried, and definitely confirmed that Guanlin was in fact ignoring him, on purpose 

 

The thought of Guanlin intentionally ignoring Jihoon hurt the boy a lot, but he shouldn't have gotten attached to Guanlin as much in the first place. He should've known it was expected, should've known to not cross any boundaries, their relationship was based off a deal.

 

It still didn't change the fact that Jihoon was madly in love with Guanlin, or the fact that he missed him like hell. But for how long was he going to keep this going? For how long was he going to shut away with his feelings, and act like he isn't bothered by the fact that Guanlin isn't his

 

Or the fact that Guanlin will never be his, because all Jihoon's done is hurt him, confuse him, and keep quiet about him. Because Jihoon cared about what others thought, rather than what he thought. And he thought Guanlin was the most ideal and perfect person in the world, and he wanted to be with him

 

But we can't all have what we want, so he knew what he was going to do. He didn't want to hurt anymore, suffer and bear with the fact that he's in love with the tall Taiwanese boy 

 

_He was going to get over Lai Guanlin_

+

 

Guanlin was hurt in many ways. He was hurting so much, that it made him crumble apart piece by piece. He hated just how much Park Jihoon's become a big part of his everyday life, just how badly he craved to touch and hold the boy against him

 

Guanlin was so hurt because he missed those lips, and yet their kisses were never pure, they were only made to put on a show. They were a joke, nearly everything about their relationship was, Guanlin wished he could kiss Jihoon for real, where they both were in love. But not only was it one sided, but it was hidden. Hidden because Guanlin could never reveal his true feelings for the elder boy 

 

He isn't close to Daehwi, yet he still shared a big part of his lie

 

"What's up with you and Jihoon hyung?" the blonde male asked, sitting besides Guanlin staring into the night's sky, the same sky that flew by as Guanlin ignored Jihoon

 

"W-what do you mean?" 

 

"I'm straightforward, so I'll just get to the point, do you have feelings for him?"

 

Well Daehwi definitely was straightforward, but Guanlin wasn't the slightest bit of thrown off. He could only let out a bitter laugh, spiraling his fingers against the cold tiles of his balcony

 

_"I love him more than the way you love Jinyoung hyung, except I can't have him the way you two have each other"_

 

Daehwi's never seen such a side of Guanlin before, so raw and transparent. So hurt. Daehwi knew his best friend, and he felt for Guanlin, because he shouldn't have ever fallen for Jihoon, because all that he was setting himself up for was to fall and break. Guanlin's words broke Daehwi, because Daehwi knew how it felt to love someone when everything felt impossible, especially in a society like this.

 

How it felt to be so locked up with your own feelings because you knew you would only shatter, these things were always one sided. The agonizing pain that Daehwi felt was unimaginably different to Guanlin's. The younger boy was experiencing this, whereas Daehwi could just pity 

 

"I'm so sorry..." Daehwi whispered, voice cracking. He felt speechless, unable to look at Guanlin who stared off to space. "It's okay, it happens."

 

But it shouldn't have happened to Guanlin. Guanlin felt so used up, how could Jihoon just kiss him like that? To Jihoon they most likely meant nothing, but to Guanlin, they symbolized the love and craving he had for the elder, always wanting more. But he was tired of wanting something he'll never have. And he was ready to accept it 

 

"I'm gonna stay with my mom for a bit, please tell him not to contact me, I need to clear my mind and not be around him," Guanlin whispered sadly, as Daehwi nodded understandingly 

 

"You'll be okay Guanlin"

 

_But he knew he wasn't_

+

 

A part of Guanlin wished that he could one day confess to Jihoon, because he was confident he could, it's just that he doubted Jihoon would love him back

 

He had so many chances, but he always stopped himself. The boy was laid on his mother's lap, he missed this. He missed having real affection, something he's tried with Jihoon, but they were an act 

 

"Your dad's coming home today, he wanted to talk to you..." His mother spoke, softly caressing Guanlin's cheek. The younger stared up at his mother with large questioning eyes, as his father hadn't spoken to him in weeks. "Why? Did I do something again, besides being gay?" Guanlin bitterly asked, as his mother smacked his head.

 

"He'll come around Guanlin-ah, screw what he thinks, your mother's by your side, right? Last time I checked, I gave birth to you, _not that fat idiot.._ " His mother joked, making Guanlin laugh as well, a high pitched giggle escaping his lips. His mother made him feel at ease, and he was grateful that he had _her_ support at least

 

"I doubt he'll come around, he still probably thinks I'll marry that daughter of his friend's," the boy sighed as he thought back to his father genuinely trying to set him up with the daughter of one of his business friends.

 

"Over my dead body will that bloated fucker make my son marry some dumb rich girl! My son's gonna marry Park Jihoon? Am I  _right_?" His mother continued, Guanlin felt his heart break again. Saddening how his mother was witnessing a lie before her eyes, given false hope. Guanlin was given false hope too, thinking those kisses, the touches, the moments would change Jihoon, but he remembers Jihoon's words clearly

 

_"So relieved, been waiting for it to end from the start.."_

 

Guanlin would be completely lying if he'd said that he didn't want to choke up and cry right then and there. The fact that he knew Jihoon did not want any part of whatever they did, but to actually hear it from his mouth, it hurt him like hell. It pained him so much, it pained him just how much he loved Jihoon, it pained him how he put his parent's relationship at a downfall because his mother accepted him, and that his father was angry at her for supporting him. He felt like a burden

 

Guanlin felt not only his body, but mind hurt, he hated himself. Just as Gunalin was about to respond, both heads snapped up as soon as they heard his father enter the apartment

 

"Guanlin" His father started, tone bored, but stern at the same time. Guanlin always felt intimidated by him, always felt small, like a disappointment. "Appa..you wanted to talk?' Guanlin meekly asked, head faced to the floor.

 

"Hmm, I'll just be simple and curt about it, I offer you to move back to Taiwan with me, help me run the business, make me proud _since you've been doing the opposite lately.._ " His father directly stated, in a commanding voice almost. So his father was giving him an opportunity to make amends with him, but why'd his heart drop? His eyes stayed glued to the floor, lump forming in his throat

 

His mind raced back to Jihoon, he didn't want to leave Jihoon behind, he didn't want to be far away from the elder, even though it felt like they were growing far apart everyday. Guanlin could take the chance, finally build a relationship with his dad, or he could stay and hope for something to happen. He turned to his mother, and her eyes looked sad, like she was almost telling him not to go.

 

 

Guanlin's father sighed, rubbing at his forehead, "since I dumped this on you, let me make another offer, I can get you a hotel accommodation for a week, you check out how things run there, if you like it, you can permanently stay, if you don't, then come back to Korea and continue your studies okay? I want you to inform me within two days, because I have a business trip soon and I cannot stay for long, understand?"

 

Guanlin felt his throat going dry, unable to form any words, slowly nodding at his father. "I-I w-will let you know," he bowed, wanting to run away, seeing his mother shake her head from the background. "Very well, don't disappointment me anymore." With that, his father walked out, not even glancing at his mother who looked hurt

 

Guanlin wanted to cry because he was in such a big mess. He wanted Jihoon so badly, he wanted to kiss him, he wanted to cry in his chest.

 

He wanted to be held by Jihoon for once, and not the other way around. Guanlin hadn't realized that he was completely ghost, until he felt his mother touch his shoulder, "you aren't going to take up on the offer, right?" His mother whispered, hopefulness and distraught mixed in her voice, but Guanlin wanted to break down and scream.

 

"I-I think I m-might, dad's giving me a shot to redeem myself..I could finally be the son he wanted."

 

"And since when have you cared about being the perfect son to him?" His mother raised her tone, shaking her head furiously, frustrated by Guanlin's antics. "From now on, I care. I messed up so much, I can't keep continuing this, I need to make him proud, and maybe this might be a good learning experience for me.."

 

His mother laughed bitterly, "you never cared about his business Guanlin-ah, quit it." After a few moments of silence, his mother spoke up

 

"What about Jihoon-ah? Don't you love him? Don't you care about him?"

 

Guanlin stayed mute. If only she knew how much Guanlin loved the boy who felt nothing for him, if only she knew how Guanin would stay up at night worried sick if whether or not the boy was throwing up the food he barely ate. Or how badly he wanted to make Jihoon happy and confident.

 

But she didn't. Guanlin cared about him way more than he should, he's hurting now, everything hurts. "I can't stay for him, he can find someone better.."

 

Guanlin didn't expect for his mom to slap him. She looked absolutely distraught, wrecked and hurt, and Guanlin grew confused, holding his cheek.

 

Why would his mother care so much about whether or not him and Jihoon were "together" or not? But then his mother began crying, voice helpless and most of all, betrayed.

 

_"He loves you so much, how could you so easily want to leave him behind?"_

 

Jihoon loving Guanlin? Guanlin wanted to let out a bitter laugh, because that was it, that was the worst most terrible joke he had ever heard. He wanted to laugh so hard that he'd break and cry, but he was already broken. Why would she ever even come to an absurd conclusion like that? The crazy aftermath that Park Jihoon loved him, he felt sick upon hearing that.

 

"What makes you say that?" Guanlin tried to stay put and calm, gritting through his teeth. Guanlin's mother looked weak, before smiling softly

 

 

" _Because he told me he loved you, Guanlin-ah._ He told me he wanted to take care of you, he looked so sad when we spoke, he felt bad because all you have done is take care of him. He talked about you with this glint in his eyes, I got married years ago son, I know what loves look like, that boy meant it, he really does love you, and I believe you got yourself an amazing boy. I know for a fact that I adore him, and he makes you happy, you two take care of each other, everyone sees it, so how could you leave him behind?"

 

Guanlin wouldn't believe his mother's words, heart thumping. Jihoon loved him? _The actual Park Jihoon told his mother that he loved him?_ Something inside Guanlin burst, it was relief, he felt free, he felt like he could breathe, everything that was clogged up was slowly fading.

 

_He felt hopeful_

 

Everything was confirmed now, Jihoon did love him back, Guanlin was just doubtful, he wishes he wasn't as stupid, and was more open minded, but no more. His mother was right, he could not leave Park Jihoon behind, he wanted to confess. He was going to buy all of Jihoon's favorite foods, and he will confess his true feelings

 

_He was going to make Park Jihoon his, for real this time_

_+_

Jihoon hated himself, but here he was right now. He was on a date with Lee Siyeon, a girl from his dance class who's been liking him for a while. Jihoon thought liking Guanlin was disgusting, but right now, he felt disgusting for truly lying to himself. _He was on a date with a girl he barely knew, just to get over the boy he was deeply in love with, Lai Guanlin._

 

He felt uncomfortable, this girl was sweet, she was too quiet and reserved unlike Guanlin. Back then Jihoon would have complained and been irritated by Guanlin's behavior, but he grew to fall in love with him. Guanlin was different

 

She covered her mouth while she laughed, just the way Guanlin would, _except his heart fluttered when he was with the Taiwanese boy_. Jihoon felt disgusting for thinking of Guanlin as he was sat with another beautiful girl in front of him.

 

He felt like he was playing three people, Guanlin, Siyeon, and most of all _himself_. He felt bad for comparing everything Siyeon did to Guanlin. He wanted Guanlin so badly

 

"I can't believe you asked me out Jihoon-oppa, to be honest, I didn't even think you knew I existed!" The girl giggled, she was too sweet. He would have preferred this before, but now he only yearns for Guanlin's nasty remarks about his 'ugly cardigans.' Right now he missed the way Guanlin always found a way to tease Jihoon, he was fucked.

 

Jihoon looked at the girl, faking a laugh as he slowly reached out to hold her hand. It was soft, but it was not the warmth Guanlin's hands gave off, when theirs were linked together. 

 

Siyeon was blushing, hiding her face with excitement, as Jihoon dreaded every moment, biting down on his tongue from crying, because this felt so wrong.

 

Why'd it have to be so hard, why'd it have to feel so wrong, when society and his parents told him it was right? Why won't his heart race when Siyeon caressed his hand? 

 

So many questions spiraling around his mind, so much regret filling his mind. Park Jihoon was a liar.

 

"Do you like me?" The girl asked him, making Jihoon snap away from his consuming dreadful thoughts. He gulped down, masking away the truth, as he lied to her face, "of course! I really like you, I'm so sorry I hadn't noticed you earlier, I was too busy.." Jihoon nervously laughed, scratching the back of his neck to hide away his uncomfortableness.

 

_Busy falling in love with Lai Guanlin_

 

Siyeon seemed to buy his crap, giggling more. It wasn't cute to him, he loved the way Guanlin giggled, with his gums out, the way he'd bob his head in every direction as fits of giggles flowed out his mouth. Why was loving him so hard? It didn't matter, they had a week left. He was going to meet Guanlin's mother again tomorrow, probably the last, since Guanlin would break it to her that they were no longer "together."

 

"Let's go out, yeah?" Siyeon asked, pulling Jihoon up with him as she interlocked their hands together

 

_He wished those were Guanlin's hands instead_

+ 

 

Guanlin's heart was literally thumping. He hadn't ridden his bike in years, but here he was, riding throughout the city to go to Jihoon's favorite bakery. He wanted his confession to be perfect, he was going to treat Jihoon with all his favorite treats, he wanted to make Jihoon happy.

 

He's bought it all, flowers for Jihoon. Roses, red roses would suit his baby, anything would suit his Jihoon. Park Jihoon made everything look beautiful, and he'll soon be Guanlin's. He still couldn't believe that Jihoon loved him this whole time, yet he let his insecurities and doubts get int the way. He laughed loudly, pedaling away.

 

"Yah Lai Guanlin, you're so fucking stupid! He's in love with you idiot!" Guanlin screamed, riding quicker, wanting to reach the store

 

Jihoon loved him, and there was nothing that was going to stop him from confessing. He was officially confident, he was so close to having Park Jihoon in his arms for many days to come in the future, he felt so ecstatic, he was giddy, so joyful. He felt like he was on top of the fucking world.

 

He didn't care if he looked like a maniac or a madman, yelling throughout the nightly lit up streets of Seoul, Park Jihoon loved him and that's all that mattered. 

 

"He! Loves! Me! Hear that God? Park Jihoon loves me!" Guanlin gushed, shouting from the top of his lungs, the happiest he's been in a long time, feeling the cool breeze hit his face, he was so close to the bakery, his heart was racing quicker than he was pedaling his bike.

 

The boy had finally made it, smiling to himself as he fixed his composure, locking his bike.  Just as he turned around to walk towards the bakery, he stopped right on his tracks, eyes wide, heart dropping.

 

There was no way what he was seeing was true, he was seeing a facade of bullshit. There was no way. Guanlin furiously rubbed at his eyes, in case he was hallucinating

 

_Because right before his eyes, the boy he was in love with, Park Jihoon was kissing someone else, who was not Guanlin, it was another girl_

 

Guanlin felt his lungs close up for real, he felt his whole world shatter, he slowly felt everything fall apart. His heart's never hurt this way, he wanted to vanish away. He couldn't believe it, running behind a tree to hide himself. He wanted to disappear.

 

He was hurting so much, his head hurt, his eyes were beginning to water, his hands were trembling. The roses were trembling, his mouth hurt, his lips were trembling. He tried to blink away the tears, but they spilled like a waterfall, never ending. Reality was uncovered before his eyes, _and it hurt like a bitch_

He couldn't breathe, everything was a lie to Guanlin. The world hated him, he felt so broken and betrayed, he felt like a joke, he wanted to laugh at himself for ever believing for the slightest second that Park Jihoon had any ounce of love for him.

 

He felt pathetic. Dropping the roses, getting on his bike, before giving one last glance at Jihoon behind him, the girl was in his arms. He couldn't bear the sight anymore, pedaling away before he'd called up his dad

 

_"Appa, I think I'll take up on that offer and go to Taiwan with you.."_

+

Jihoon had never felt so disgusting waking up. His whole body ached, his mouth was dry, he felt sick. He was kept up all night, regret and guilt bubbling up inside him. His mind was always led back to Guanlin, he knew he wasn't cheating, because after all, him and Guanlin were nothing, yet he felt like a cheater

 

He felt like he betrayed Guanlin, something wrong kept sparking throughout his body. He touched his lips, the same lips that kissed Lee Siyeon, and he hated every second of it. He was awkward, he didn't enjoy it, her lips did not make him want for more like he did with Guanlin.

 

_He felt sick for thinking about Guanlin when he kissed her, just to make the kiss somewhat bearable_

 

He rolled out of his bed, carelessly throwing on some clothes, to meet Guanlin. Today they were supposed to meet with the younger's mother again, but Jihoon felt gross, not in the mood to pretend to love Guanlin, when in actual reality, he was so in love with Guanlin.

 

Daehwi was nowhere in sight, probably with Jinyoung. Jihoon wanted to text Guanlin, but he wanted to surprise the boy instead.

 

As Jihoon drove towards the younger's apartment, he glanced at the passenger seat, remembering all the times him and Guanlin bickered right there, smiling to himself. He thought back to all the times Guanlin's held his hands as he'd drive, none of them questioning it.

 

Or how Guanlin brought Jihoon to a dog cafe to cheer him up. Everything led back to Guanlin, Jihoon hadn't realized that he was smiling so hard. Soon Jihoon arrived in front of Guanlin's complex, smiling as he stepped out his car

 

Just as he'd gotten out, he noticed Guanlin walking down with the same boy, S-Seonho? Jihoon could not clearly remember, but he was disappointed that Guanlin would forget about their breakfast plan with his mother, frowning as he jogged up to Guanlin.

 

"Guanlin! Wait up!" Jihoon ran behind Guanlin, who hadn't noticed him, the boy turned around slowly, and the first thing Jihoon noticed were Guanlin's bloodshot eyes, the bags under them. He looked so sick, and mad?

 

The other boy quietly stepped aside upon seeing Jihoon, leaving the two alone. "Where are you going? Weren't we supposed to go meet your mother together?" Jihoon formed a smile, cocking his head to the side, facing towards Guanlin. The younger boy though, he did not budge, no smile, he looked so out of it

 

 _"Fuck the one week, we're ending this stupid act now, you're free to go,_ " Guanlin carelessly spoke, wanting to leave the situation as quickly as he could. Jihoon felt a large lump forming in his throat, watching Guanlin shift away from him.

 

Jihoon tried processing the words, but instead he felt his body shudder, and his lungs giving out

 

He didn't think Guanlin would end it so soon, out of the blue. There were so many questions, but Jihoon was far too confused, and hurt to ask

 

"W-why so sudden-"

 

Guanlin laughed bitterly, it almost scared Jihoon at how cold Guanlin sounded, " _sudden?_ Didn't you want this fucking act to end as soon as possible, like from the start? You should be thanking me Park Jihoon." Guanlin spat, practically hissing in disbelief making Jihoon shrink and back away, because Guanlin has never used such a harsh tone with him.

 

 

Guanlin was always soft and gentle towards him, it made Jihoon cower away, ducking his head down from the bitterness laced in Guanlin's voice. Guanlin was right, Jihoon did want it to end, _but he actually didn't._ He wanted to spend the week with the boy as much as he could, he wanted to be selfish

 

 

"S-Sorry, I'm just confused-"

 

Guanlin snapped his head towards Jihoon, a flash of pain in his eyes, it made Jihoon's heart shatter. Guanlin looked so broken, he wasn't used to this cold behavior from the younger, _it was so foreign_. But before Guanlin walked away, he whispered the final words that had finally broken Park Jihoon

 

_"I hope you end up with that pretty girl, you two look good together"_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahem im sorry u guys can yell at me in the comments wow . peace im out


	21. t w e n t y  o n e

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's one chapter left:( so here's this chap my longest one anddddd jus read to find out

Guanlin clearly needed space, and was mad at Jihoon, but it didn't change the fact that all Jihoon wanted to do was be beside Guanlin

 

Jihoon also didn't know how Guanlin found out about his date with Siyeon, or why his eyes were laced with pain

 

Guanlin's always looked healthy to Jihoon, he was always bright and confident, it's the thing that Jihoon started to slowly fall in love with, day by day. But the look on Guanlin's face from five days ago not only scared, but  _scarred_ Jihoon. It's like the image was glued at the back of his mind, always coming back to make Jihoon anxious 

 

And now Jihoon was more than anxious, because not only was Guanlin ignoring all his calls and texts, the boy's phone was completely unreachable. Daehwi seemed quiet as well, not speaking to Jihoon as much, and overall Jihoon wanted to disappear because everything was getting to him. He felt so alone without Guanlin by his side, constantly having something to say about him

 

Jihoon missed holding Guanlin's big warm hands that engulfed his small ones, he missed seeing Guanlin's face, his pretty gummy smile. He felt like he was losing his mind. He wanted to talk to Guanlin, there's a limit to how long Jihoon could stay away from Guanlin

 

In all his life, his heart's never yearned for someone as much as it did with Lai Guanlin. He's never felt so isolated before, he was tired of holding himself back. He was tired of being afraid to be with Guanlin just because his family and society would look down on him. If Guanlin could walk with his head up, proud of who he was, then so could Jihoon

 

Jihoon can love Guanlin just the way any girl would love another man. Jihoon didn't know where he stood, he just knew he loved Guanlin, and he no longer cared if people found that wrong. Because being with Guanlin felt like the most right thing 

 

_Jihoon wanted to confess to Guanlin_

+

 

 

Jihoon was panting, racing up six flights of stairs, as Jinyoung's elevator broke. It was worth it, he'd see Guanlin at the end, and that's all Jihoon looked forward to

 

"Jihoon. What are you doing here?" Jinyoung spoke in a monotone voice, was he mad at Jihoon too? Was everyone mad at Jihoon? The elder ignored his insecurities, focusing back to why he was here in the first place, pushing past Jinyoung, racing to Guanlin's room

 

But Guanlin wasn't there

 

Jihoon frantically searched throughout the boy's bathroom, walking out his bedroom to see Jinyoung and Daehwi stare at him. Daehwi looked pitiful, whereas Jinyoung looked cold.

 

 

"W-where's Guanlin?" Jihoon breathed out, looking helpless, becoming utterly distraught as his two friends were mute, almost looking sorrowful, "will someone fucking answer me? Where is Guanlin?" Jihoon repeated, growing frustrated by the silence and stares. Daehwi was the first to speak, but Jihoon wished he didn't 

 

" _He's back in Taiwan with his father.._ "

 

Instead of asking to stop joking around, Jihoon began laughing hard. It wasn't a funny joke, and neither a good one. His two friends continued to stare at him, Jihoon choosing to ignore them, running back to Guanlin's room, to check his cupboard. His clothes weren't there, and suddenly Jihoon felt his stomach drop, smile vanishing off his face 

 

_He really left_

 

Guanlin was gone, he didn't say goodbye, and Jihoon never got the chance to tell him he loved him. Reality was hurting Jihoon, reality was breaking Jihoon. Jihoon didn't want to believe reality, shaking his head in disbelief, knees giving out as he slid down to the floor

 

He felt emotionless, like someone tugged at his heart and ripped it out his chest. "Why'd you come here, Jihoon?" Jinyoung spoke behind him, standing against the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, looking disappointed. 

 

"To talk to G-Guanlin.." Jihoon croaked out, his voice cracking as he felt tears welling up in his eyes. Because it'd really hit him that Guanlin was thousands of miles away from him. Guanlin wasn't a ten minute drive away from him anymore, he was gone. "He wouldn't want to talk to you," Jinyoung added, a bitter laugh escaping his lips. Jihoon fumed, standing up as he shoved Jinyoung against the door, "and why the fuck wouldn't he want to talk to me?" The elder practically shouted helplessly, because everything was against him, and everything hurt 

 

Daehwi stepped in the middle, staying silent as he sadly took Jihoon's hands off Jinyoung's collar.

 

"Because you fucking hurt him so much you stupid fuck! I can't believe he fell in love with you!" Jinyoung spat, fists balled by his side, his words were like daggers and alarms going through his chest. 

 

_Guanlin? In love with Jihoon?_

 

Jihoon's eyes widened, shaking his head in disbelief, because there was _no_ way Guanlin loved him, no way. He'd easily ignore and push Jihoon, no one would do that if they loved someone. But then again, Guanlin always cared for Jihoon more than he should have, and Jihoon gave him reasons to be pushed away. Maybe they were signs, but Jihoon was too caught up to notice, or maybe Jihoon forced himself not to notice because he was afraid of falling in love with Guanlin

 

But he'd fallen long ago, and there was no going back. "What did you just s-say?" Jihoon spoke slowly, making sure his ears hadn't deceived him. But Jinyoung didn't wish to explain himself, instead Daehwi speaking for him. "He said Guanlin fell in love with you, he was hurting a lot so he decided to leave. He told us not to tell you because well, he didn't want you to contact him before he left. He was going to stay, for you, and tell his dad he wouldn't go but then, fuck. He told us about what went on between you two, and I'm disappointed that you didn't tell me, I understood his pain, and you shouldn't have crossed boundaries, like kissing him out of nowhere, it gave him false hope. And lying to his mom about loving him? That was wrong of you, hyung. He told us he was going to confess to you, but you were already caught up with some girl..."

 

Everything Daehwi spoke, Jihoon listened to closely, letting everything sink in. He already felt the hot tears spilling down his face.

 

"I _never_ lied to his mom about loving him, I love him a lot, more than you'll ever know..." Jihoon weakly whispered, throat burning because it hurt so much to speak, he wanted to hide away and cry, and let all the pain vanish away, but the pain only kept growing. 

 

"Don't fucking joke about loving him now, don't play with his feelings anymore, he's gone now" Jinyoung gritted through his teeth, sharp glares thrown towards Jihoon's way, but Daehwi instead held Jihoon in his arms, letting the boy cry, body shaking.

 

"I-I'd never lie about that! Do you understand how scared I was? All my life I was told and thought to like girls, and then out of nowhere I start developing feelings for another boy! A boy, for fuck's sake, it was scary for me, I panicked, I was inconsiderate. But it was confusing for me, and I was at a horrible state of mind, I felt helpless, he was my first kiss. Later on, I realized that I really really liked Guanlin, slowly growing into something much more important and big. I began falling in love with him, avoiding my feelings, casting myself away because I was so afraid, but I was selfish too, because I wanted to constantly be around him. But I never once regretted falling for him, he makes me happy and safe, and now I fucked up. I fucked up big time, and all I ever do is fuck up, always hurting Guanlin," Jihoon was sobbing by now, shaking from the overwhelming emotions, tears never ending as Daehwi held him tighter 

 

"It was never my intention to hurt him, he's so special and important to me. He made me feel important, raised my confidence up when I was down, he helped me in ways a mother couldn't have even done. I went out with that girl to get over him, I never actually thought Guanlin would like me, and I didn't want to be looked down on. I cared about my reputation more than my heart, because my heart always directed towards Guanlin. And everything sucks, I feel like I'm suffocating, I drove him away, and I hate myself, I just want everything to be okay, I want to tell him I love him, but it's too late now..." Jihoon cried harder, ragged breaths as he held onto Daehwi for dear life. His heart was hurting so much, he wanted Guanlin so badly

 

Daehwi wiped away Jihoon's tears away, pulling away, holding the elder's face, "there is a way..." Daehwi whispered

 

Jihoon shifted, sniffing as he looked up at Daehwi with blown out pupils, quivering with more tears, "h-how?"

 

"Yeah, Daehwi, _how?_ " Jinyoung asked as well, curious to hear Daehwi's absurd ideas. The youngest took a deep breath, "well, he's given one week to adjust there, and he left two days ago..If he likes it there, he stays, if he doesn't, he comes back, and by the looks of it, he won't be coming back.." Daehwi spoke sadly, watching Jihoon frown as well, "unless.." Jihoon's head shot up, he'd do anything just to get across to Guanlin

 

"Unless you uhm, you could go to Taiwan and tell him the truth, but it's last minute and we can't manage money like that.." Daehwi whispered, looking down at his feet, helpless

 

"I can manage the money. I'll use the money I got from the competition." Jihoon spoke up confidently, nodding his head as Daehwi cocked his sideways, staring at Jihoon. "B-but your dad?" 

 

"It's their problem now, I guess." Jihoon shrugged, genuinely not caring anymore because his only focus was Guanlin, besides, his parents could give a hell about his whereabouts. 

 

"But, how would I contact him? He hates me basically, and I-I don't know how I'll reach out to him!" Jihoon began to panic and worry again, pacing around the room

 

"We'll manage to contacting stuff, I can lie to him and say I'm going to Taiwan, I'll think of a reason, leave that to me. You, just buy your ticket, and hurry before you run out of time and seriously lose him. Try to leave by tomorrow if you can, I'll text you all the details about his whereabouts, okay?"

 

_Jihoon was ready to make Guanlin his_

+

 

Jihoon didn't actually think everything would go as smoothly, or quickly, but here he was. He was currently boarding a plane to Taiwan, so he could confess to a boy he loved, and lost. Jihoon was not going to lose Guanlin again, he wouldn't let the younger slip away from his grip again

 

It was all too surreal, the situation, how just yesterday he was slumping and crying in bed to a few hours fast forward, on a plane to Taiwan, so he could tell Guanlin the truth. It was worth it, and Jihoon prayed that Guanlin wouldn't give him the cold shoulder and leave him, Jihoon didn't want his efforts to go to waste. 

 

 

The timing was perfect, Jihoon had it all planned out. The flight was nearly three hours, he'd land in the afternoon, giving him time to locate the hotel, and get a sim card to contact Daehwi with. In order for Daehwi to do his part, and seem convincing, the younger's been messaging the Taiwanese boy through Instagram, Jihoon truly prayed his plan would be flawed, and that he reaches Guanlin safely 

 

Jihoon felt excited, he'd never done anything like this, it seemed so cliche. As if he was fighting for his love or something, but it hit him that he kind of was. He couldn't bear the fact that Guanlin could possibly reject him, he can't come back to Seoul without Guanlin, he needed Guanlin badly

 

Laying back as the plane took off, all Jihoon could think about was Guanlin. The first time they met, already swearing at each other. He remembers very clearly, the way Guanlin came off cocky, as Jihoon stood with a metal rod in his hand, finding the mysterious boy play piano chords in the security room. 

 

It made Jihoon's lips twitch into a smile, they'd come so far. Four months of knowing Lai Guanlin, he wouldn't trade it for the world. Jihoon wanted many more four months to spend with Guanlin in the future, he loved the younger so much, he wanted the younger so much

 

Jihoon thought back to the first time they kissed, his first kiss. He'd be lying if he said he hated it or regretted it, because he didn't. It was a kiss done to practice for their act, but truthfully, Jihoon felt himself drowning in the kiss, it's like Guanlin's lips were so addictive. And it was true, because Jihoon grew to craving for them, craving for Guanlin's touch constantly 

 

He remembers the way Guanlin would so easily slip his long fingers between Jihoon's smaller ones, filling the gaps between them, bringing warmth to Jihoon's hands, and body. Jihoon's always thought their hands were the perfect fit, it's like Guanlin's hands hugged Jihoon's

 

Or how Guanlin would laugh like there's no tomorrow, high pitched noises, gums all out, head thrown back as he'd cover his face. Jihoon hated when he covered his face, because it was the prettiest sight to see. Jihoon hadn't even realized that he'd been smiling like a madman at the thoughts of Guanlin, until a flight attendant had come to offer him a hot towel. 

 

Just one more hour and he'd be off the plane, going straight to Lai Guanlin

+

_From: leedaehwi_

_here's the hotel address and his room number ^_^_

_he thinks i'm on my way rn lol :o_

_good luck hyung!!_

_love you fighting!_

Jihoon couldn't help but smile widely upon the messages, Jihoon was so close. His plan was going smoothly, and he couldn't believe it. But on the other hand, he felt nervous, how would he approach Guanlin? Would Guanlin shut the door in his face? Worrisome was Jihoon, with endless thoughts that Guanlin seriously would swear at him, and not want to see him

 

As he sat back in the taxi, he stared out the window, absorbing in Taipei. The city was definitely beautiful during the evening, all lit up. But what caught Jihoon's attention was when he noticed a couple walking down the streets. Two men, hand in hand. It made Jihoon envious of how free they were, wishing he could hold Guanlin's hand freely like that one day. 

 

But as of now, he didn't care about what the rest of the world thought about him, he only cared about Guanlin and Guanlin. His mind was only set on the Taiwanese boy, snapping out of his thoughts once the car came to a halt

 

Jihoon and the taxi driver communicated through broken english, appreciating Guanlin's efforts to teach him in the past. And here he was stood in front of the hotel Guanlin was staying at, when the boy was expecting Daehwi, but would actually be met with Jihoon

 

As soon as Jihoon paid the cab driver, he exhaled sharply, crossing his fingers that Guanlin wouldn't bail on him. 

 

_To: leedaehwi_

_I arrived_

_Please text him saying you're coming up_

 

_From: leedaehwi_

_got it_

_go hyung!!_

 

Taking one last deep breath, Jihoon slowly walked inside the hotel, walking towards the lift towards Guanlin's room. He hadn't had the time to bring anything, just a backpack with clothes enough for three days, money, and his passport. He was too busy figuring out how he'd talk to Guanlin

 

_from: leedaehwi_

_he's waiting for "me" ;)_

_just knock !_

 

And that's exactly what Jihoon did, slowly knocking Guanlin's hotel door, after five minutes of standing there, debating on whether he could do this or not. Jihoon heard Guanlin's footsteps and voice nearing, the boy's voice making Jihoon's heart race

 

"Yah! Daehwi-ah wait up, let me wear my pants!" Guanlin shouted behind the door, making Jihoon giggle, thinking back to the time he barged in on Guanlin almost naked. He remembers how much he was blushing, and how beautiful Guanlin's body was, lean and healthy

 

"Daehwi, I'm here- Park Jihoon what the fuck are you doing here?" Guanlin stopped midway as soon as he opened his door, to be face to face with Jihoon. The elder, on the other hand was completely stoned and speechless, Guanlin looked prettier than before, and it'd only been a week since he's last seen or heard of him

 

Jihoon could only stare, as Guanlin shifted, glaring at the boy. The smaller boy, however, he wanted to cry. Guanlin was finally in front of him, yet Jihoon was unable to say the words he's been dying to say, "is this some kind of joke? What are you doing here?" Guanlin raised his tone, eyeing Jihoon with an intense gaze, making Jihoon back away. Jihoon couldn't respond, instead shoving the younger into his room, and locking the door behind them, ignoring Guanlin's protests

 

"This really isn't fucking funn-"

 

 

"I'm so fucking sorry Guanlin.." Jihoon croaked out, eyes glued to the floor because he was so afraid right now. "Jihoon please, I'm not in the mood for this, just go please.." Guanlin whispered, putting his hands on Jihoon's shoulders to push him back, but Jihoon grabbed his hands, linking them together 

 

"No. I'm not leaving, I need to tell you the t-truth.." The smaller boy felt his throat growing dry, clutching onto Guanlin's hand tightly, never wanting to let go. He heard Guanlin sigh, hand becoming loose on Jihoon's, as if he wanted to pull away, but Jihoon wouldn't let him 

 

_"Guanlin, I love you so much"_

 

Jihoon felt like a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders, the words rolling off his tongue so perfectly. But Guanlin only laughed bitterly, yanking his hand away from Jihoon's grip. "Is this funny to you? Playing with me? You think I'm that desperate? I've hurt myself enough for falling for you shit Park Jihoon," the younger spat, venom in his voice. It broke Jihoon to see him this way, so cold 

 

"You're hearing me out whether you like it or not Guanlin, I don't care anymore. I love you so much it hurts me, it's breaking me everyday. I've lied to myself, I've told myself I didn't feel anything for you, it was some stupid attraction, it was my mind fucking up, but I was wrong. God, I love you so much, you're all I think about! I hated myself for falling for you, I felt disgusting, but I _never_ once regretted it, because you know why? You make me happy, you make me feel safe and warm, you make me feel like I'm home, even when it's miles away from me.." By this point Jihoon felt the stream of tears building up, ready to spill down his cheeks, before continuing 

 

"You've picked me up during my lowest moments, yet I've never done anything for you. You've done the most for me, I couldn't have even done the least, you've grown to become such an important aspect in my life, I need you so badly, and I love you so badly. I used to care about what others thought, insecure for being judged, but I don't care! They don't know you like I do, they haven't held your hands like I have! They haven't kissed you like I have, they haven't been held by you, the way I have, and that's why I don't care. What they don't know and can't feel shouldn't matter to me, _because I know deep down just how badly I need you and love you,_ " Guanlin stepped closer, not noticing the fact that he himself was welling up with tears, wrapping his arms around Jihoon's small body

 

But Jihoon didn't stop, gripping onto Guanlin's arms for support, as the younger gently wiped his tears away, "you make me f-feel beautiful and l-loved and I'm so sorry I hurt you. It was never my intention, I'm sorry for lying to myself _and_ lying to you. I was so scared Guanlin, you're my first k-kiss, _a boy_ on top of that, m-my first l-love. I always thought girls were the set, that was my end goal, but then you came along and made me feel things I've never felt. I didn't think holding someone's hand could make me crave for that same touch so much, I didn't understand why people were crazy to get in relationships, or went crazy over kisses. But you proved them all right, every time we kissed, I never felt guilty, I felt warm and I felt protected, and I'd understood just why people want to be held by others, who love them-" Guanlin bit down on his lips, holding back the tears ready to surpass his eyes, placing a soft kiss on Jihoon's forehead, as the elder was shaking

 

"I know I don't have a right to ask this, after everything I've done, nothing but a fuck up, but can you please give a chance, I'm terrible, I don't deserve y-" Jihoon's mind went dizzy, completely cut off as Guanlin's lips were on his

 

Guanlin was kissing him, the boy he loved him was kissing him instead of shoving him away, so Jihoon cried harder. Guanlin didn't care, bringing his hands to cup Jihoon's cheeks, kissing the boy with his all, gently wiping away the elder's tears, as they'd flow down his soft cheeks. Jihoon was so beautiful, Guanlin couldn't help himself, pulling away to place soft and tender kisses down Jihoon's cheeks, replacing each tear with lingering pecks, hearing Jihoon's ragged breaths

 

Guanlin wanted to kiss every part of Jihoon, pressing his lips all over the elder's face, a tight grip on his body, as the both were chest to chest. Jihoon seemed just as eager, pressing his body against Guanlin's, hearing the younger sigh, as he grabbed Guanlin's face to capture his lips, wanting to taste every bit of Guanlin.

 

He couldn't get enough, and neither was he shy anymore, Jihoon was in control, biting down on Guanlin's bottom lip, who obeyed, opening his mouth to give Jihoon better access, titling his head. The elder took the opportunity to dip his tongue inside the younger's mouth. Jihoon took his time, lazily exploring Guanlin's mouth, relishing the taste of Guanlin, letting his tongue graze over the younger's teeth 

 

He felt Guanlin hold back a moan, making Jihoon deepen the kiss, " _I wanna hear you, baby.._ " Jihoon mumbled against Guanlin's lips, who threw his head back, letting out a beautiful sound of pleasure, making Jihoon's heart flutter. Jihoon caused this, he made Guanlin feel good, and he felt proud of himself. Guanlin's hand made its way down Jihoon's chest, the other placed on his hip, as he let his hand run up and down the elder's chest, sucking on Jihoon's bottom lip. 

 

" _I love you so m-much.._ " Guanlin breathed into the kiss, hearing a muffled sound from Jihoon in response, the elder slowly led his hands towards Guanlin's hair, lightly pulling at it, as the younger rested his hands at Jihoon's bottom, hoisting him up. Upon contact, Jihoon wrapped his legs around Guanlin's waist, being engulfed by his long arms, as if he was a teddy bear. They never broke away from the kiss, it grew messy, as the two were eager to taste each other

 

Guanlin held a tight hold on Jihoon, holding him up as he pushed themselves back against the wall, for better support. Slowly pulling away from the kiss, Guanlin let his lips hover over Jihoon's neck, placing butterfly kisses down the elder's collarbones, hearing Jihoon sigh in pleasure, throwing his head back lightly, "Guanlin, please..." Jihoon breathed out, sounding ragged and wrecked, as Guanlin hummed against his skin, continuing to trail tender kisses down his neck, stopping to suck down at a certain spot, which must've been Jihoon's sweet spot, hearing the elder groan sinfully 

 

The younger continued kissing the same spot, feeling Jihoon tug at his hair helplessly, as Guanlin saw the fresh new bruise bloom

 

_He marked Jihoon_

Guanlin'a lips quirked up into a smile, lips still attached to the elder's skin, as he repeatedly kissed the bruise, pressing his body further against Jihoon's. It drove Jihoon crazy, just how amazing it felt to be against Guanlin, how intimate this moment was, grabbing Guanlin's face so that they were leveled 

 

 _"So pretty, I just marked what's mine.."_ Guanlin whispered against Jihoon's lips, eyes never leaving Jihoon's, as his finger slowly traced over the bruise, causing Jihoon to exhale sharply. Guanlin just called Jihoon, _his_

 

Jihoon's eyes began to water, biting down on his lips to prevent himself from crying, because Lai Guanlin was holding him, Lai Guanlin was kissing him, and Lai Guanlin just told him he loved him, and Lai Guanlin just happened to be the most beautiful person ever, and Jihoon loved him so much it hurt

 

"Baby, don't cry anymore, please...I'm here, we're together, and we'll get through whatever, yeah? _You look prettier when you're smiling.._ " Guanlin's words were soft, his gaze was loving, as he sweetly smiled at Jihoon, letting Jihoon down, letting his arms engulf the smaller boy in for a warm and tight hug. Jihoon breathed in Guanlin's scent, immediately burying his face into the younger's chest, missing the familiarity and warmth and protectiveness that Guanlin radiated. 

 

"I missed this so much.." Jihoon mumbled, words muffled from the depth of his face in Guanlin's chest. Guanlin rested his chin on the elder's head, nodding in agreement, "let's not be stupid anymore, yeah?" Guanlin spoke, laughing softly, as Jihoon pulled away, agreeing as well

 

"I'm so sorr-"

 

"Stop saying sorry, and just promise not to hurt me anymore, and I'll promise to stop running away and actually communicate with you."

 

" _It's a deal!_ " Jihoon giggled, causing Guanlin to smile widely, ruffling the younger's hair affectionately, "and you better not be fucking around with me.." Guanlin narrowed his eyes, raising his brows

 

_"Don't worry, I wanna do that when we're older..."_

 

Guanlin's eyes widened upon hearing the words, for the first time blushing, because he would have _never_ expected Park Jihoon to make such a comment. He was completely flustered, cheeks flushed in embarrassment, as Jihoon laughed harder upon seeing the Taiwanese boy's reaction, hugging Guanlin, "see, you're such a baby, _my baby.._ " Jihoon giggled against Guanlin's chest, as the younger hid his face in Jihoon's hair, too embarrassed to speak

 

Jihoon opened his mouth to speak, but Guanlin beat him, instead capturing his lips again for a kiss. This time they took it slow, feeling Jihoon smile into the kiss, _Guanlin finally felt like he could breathe._

 

The boy he loved, chased him all the way to Taiwan, and he was in his arms, kissing him, and loving him back the way he loved him

 

Jihoon let his hands massage through Guanlin's hair, feeling Guanlin slip his tongue inside his own mouth, closing his eyes in pleausre, because nothing could compare to Guanlin's mouth. The younger let his tongue graze all over Jihoon's mouth, taking his time as he relished every bit of Jihoon, rubbing circles down Jihoon's back to calm him. 

 

" _Guanlin..._ " Jihoon moaned into the younger's mouth, fingers digging into Guanlin's scalp, hearing the boy hum in response 

 

"What's wrong?" Guanlin asked, breathing heavily as he pulled away, eyes going straight to Jihoon's red and swollen lips. Guanlin smiled to himself, seeing Jihoon in this state, hair messy, cheeks puffed, pupils blown out, lips glossy, he looked so fucking pretty, and Guanlin caused all of it

 

_"Lai Guanlin, will you be my boyfriend, for real this time?"_

 

Guanlin felt his breath hitch, breaking into the biggest smile ever, the same smile Jihoon fell in love with, the pretty gummy smile of _his_ baby boy. Guanlin grabbed Jihoon's waist, pulling him, lifting him up as he captured Jihoon's lips for once last chaste kiss, before grinning 

 

_"Park Jihoon, I would love to be your boyfriend, for real now"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SCREAM AT ME IN THE COMMENTS ONTNFFNDJDJDJDKDK ALSO FUCKING BOOKMARK SUBSCRIBE KUDOS AND SHIT LADIES IM ACREMAISNFNF I LOVE PANWINK BUT MOST OF ALL I LOVE GUANLIN SO MUCH HE MEANS EVERYTHING TONME HES SOS SOFOTT AND CUTE YALL SEE HIM GUSHING ABT HOW JIHOON HELPS HIM W KOREAN? I WANNA DIE!


	22. i'm so happy we met

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chap ongghffghgf tysm for reading i'm so sad this is ending but i'll continue w more chaptered pw fics bc they're my babies i adore omg hope u guys support :)

"Why do you always look lost?"

" _Lost in your eyes fool!_ "

 

"Shut the fuck up Guanlin." They were giggling in bed, smiling like idiots at each other, because it was just the two of them, and they had one other. Two months of dating Lai Guanlin, and Jihoon could confidently say he was the happiest he's ever been

 

Sure, his mother was mad, not everyone was going to accept them, but at the end of day, Jihoon learned that his own acceptance mattered the most. As long as he was okay with who he loved, no one else could change that

 

Because right now in his arms was the most beautiful boy in the world, who smiled like there was no tomorrow, who laughed like it was his last, and kissed Jihoon like it was his last kiss. Nothing could top that, nothing could beat the warmth and love Jihoon felt from Lai Guanlin, he was a dream 

 

"Guanlin, do you ever wanna break up with me?" The elder asked curiously, sometimes insecure that Guanlin could indeed do better, watching the younger in deep thought. "I fucking kissed you with nasty ass morning breath, I think that explains just how much I love you, _stupid fuck,_ " Guanlin responded slyly, making Jihoon smack his head 

 

"Why can't you ever tell me how much you love me in a nicer way, asshole," Jihoon pouted, clearly not making an effect on Guanlin, who stayed unaffected, ignoring his attempt at aegyo, "I don't get you Koreans with your stupid aegyo, most of the time you look stupid." 

 

"So you think I look stupid?" Jihoon faked a gasp, pretending to be hurt, as Guanlin raised his head up to meet Jihoon's face, "are you deaf? Or did I not just say you look stupid?" The younger deadpanned 

 

Jihoon thought after dating, Guanlin would stop teasing him, but he only teased him _more_. But it was okay, because he loved Guanlin so much

 

"I'm kidding baby, you're so cute, so pretty.." Guanlin murmured upon seeing Jihoon frown, pulling the elder in for a soft kiss. "I," _kiss_ , "love" _kiss_ "you" _kiss_ "so" _kiss_ "much." Jihoon felt himself grinning into the kiss, sighing softly whenever Guanlin caressed his cheeks, like he was the most fragile being in the world.

 

And that's what Jihoon loved about Guanlin, how soft and delicate he was with him. Guanlin has never been rough with Jihoon, always treating him like a fragile glass, tender and loving with each contact. 

 

Jihoon could _never_ get tired of kissing Lai Guanlin, his lips were addictive, and it most definitely made Jihoon crazy, and warm. Guanlin was always slow, always took his time when kissing Jihoon, making sure the boy knew that he only belonged to him. Jihoon also discovered that Guanlin was indeed the jealous type like himself

 

Jihoon began to giggle, thinking back to the time when Jinyoung complimented Jihoon's sweater, so Guanlin knocked over the boy's ice cream cone off his hand, excusing that he had a "hand spasm"

 

_He still continued on to call Jihoon's sweater 'ugly as fuck'_

 

"Why're you laughing? Am I ugly or something? I can't believe you'd think I'm ugly, homophobe!" Guanlin began to dramatically speak, throwing his hands in the air, huffing with a disappointed look on his face, causing Jihoon to roll his eyes. "You sure do have a problem with your mouth, always talking crap-" Instead of responding, Guanlin reconnected their lips, lifting Jihoon onto his lap, straddling him

 

Like Jihoon said, he could never get tired of kissing Guanlin's lips, pushing his body as close as he could against the younger's, throwing his head back as Guanlin's mouth pressed against his neck. Guanlin knew what he did to Jihoon, he knew the spots that made Jihoon go dizzy, trailing kisses down his jaw, making Jihoon exhale sharply. 

 

The thing Jihoon loved the most about their relationship, was how compatible they were. Yes, Guanlin and Jihoon were compatible. Both balanced each other out, even though Guanlin tended to do go over the limit to care for Jihoon, but the elder didn't mind

 

Jihoon loved how Guanlin was bold, never taken back when Jihoon just wanted a kiss, never shy with his hands, holding him tightly in every place, always sweet with his kisses

 

Jihoon's fingers began to comb through Guanlin's messy bed hair, hearing the younger groan into his mouth. Another thing that Jihoon discovered, Guanlin _loved_ it when his hair was being tugged at, so Jihoon always made sure to do so. 

 

Guanlin's lips were soon back onto Jihoon's lips, just the way Jihoon loved, deepening the kiss as the elder cupped Guanlin's face, but instead the younger pushed him back onto the bed, hovering over him

 

Guanlin kept his hands on Jihoon's side, letting his lips trail down the exposed area of Jihoon's chest, cradling the boy beneath him, before he took Jihoon by surprise, tickling him all over, with a wide grin

 

_"I think my mouth's perfectly fucking fine, Park Jihoon, especially when it's on yours"_

+

"This is fucking disgusting," Jinyoung grumbled to Daehwi, as the two watched Guanlin and Jihoon fondle over each other. 

 

"Right in front of my salad?" Daehwi pouted, as Guanlin began kissing Jihoon's cheeks, cuddling the elder at the kitchen table. Guanlin's head shot up, giggling

 

"Oh my god, isn't that from the video where the guy takes it up the ass behind the kitchen counter-"

 

"Okay that's enough!" Jihoon covered Guanlin's mouth, stoping him before he continued any further to talk about gay porn, as Jihoon did not want to lose his appetite, gasping when Guanlin bit his hand

 

"Don't put your hand where it doesn't belong-" Guanlin scoffed, replacing the bite mark with a soft kiss, hearing Jinyoung and Daehwi gag. "Oh shut the fuck up, you stupid fuckers are just jealous of what me and this midget have-"

 

_smack_

 

"Me and this pretty midget" Guanlin corrected himself, as Jihoon slapped his chest again. "My baby's so feisty.." Guanlin whispered in Jihoon's ear, biting down on his earlobe playfully, yelping when he felt Jihoon punch his balls

 

"Great, now I have a boo boo on my dick, kiss it better Park Jihoon.." Guanlin frowned, speaking in a baby voice, making Jihoon glare, "I'm not kissing your fucking dick"

 

"Because you wanna suck it!"

 

"You're literally five years old, shut up"

 

"Says the one who's nineteen, stuck in a nine year old's body, who wears ugly pink cardigans," Guanlin rolled his eyes, not realizing that Jinyoung and Daehwi had left the kitchen table from their bickering 

 

"And you're literally a skyscraper stuck in a seventeen year old's body!" Jihoon tried to make a strong retaliation 

 

"That was a shit comeback, anyways, it doesn't change the fact that your cardigans are fucking ugly," Guanlin snorted, poking Jihoon's cheek in the process 

 

"But you love me and my ugly cardigans.."

 

_"No I just love you"_

+

Sometimes Jihoon felt bad for not knowing himself, as in, did he like boys or girls? Did he need a label to identify, was he gay?

 

"Guanlin.." 

 

"Yes, baby," Guanlin turned to face the elder, pecking his forehead, before holding the elder in his arms, listening intently, "does it ever bother you when I'm like, like you don't know about my sexuality? Like if I'm gay or-"

 

Guanlin cut Jihoon short, instead pressing his lips onto Jihoon's for a quick, yet tender and sweet kiss. "I don't fucking care Park Jihoon, you don't need that whole label crap, you like whoever you like.." The younger stopped, frowning to himself 

 

" _Except_ the only person you like better be _me_ ," Guanlin continued, speaking sharply and seriously, face stern, causing Jihoon to shake his head, laughing quietly, "of course silly! I only love you, but are you sure it doesn't bother you?" Jihoon asked once again, insecure because he felt like he was an imitation to Guanlin, not having some sort of label

 

"Baby...like I said, you don't need labels. Just because you're dating me doesn't mean you're gay, it just means you love me, Lai Guanlin, who also happens to have a cock, like yourself"

 

Jihoon really loved Guanlin, he loved the way the younger spoke, his words always comforting him no matter what, with a hint of humor. He loved Guanlin so much, it no longer hurt him, it made him fuzzy, it made him warm, and thankful

 

" _My sexuality is Lai Guanlin,_ " Jihoon whispered, grinning to himself as he heard Guanlin let out a loud laugh, dimples on display, gums out, and Jihoon couldn't help but engulf his lips in for a kiss, because Guanlin was so beautiful, he wanted to feel him all the time 

 

"Hmm, and what's your religion baby boy?" Guanlin mumbled against Jihoon's lips, letting his hands roam around the elder's chest

 

" _Lai Guanlin_ "

 

"Atta boy!"

+

 

"You think that old bitch would flip if I kissed you right now?" Guanlin laughed mischievously, as the two boys walked through the streets of Seoul, _Jihoon wished he could hold Guanlin's hand._ Looking down sadly at the space between their hands that weren't linked like usual

 

"I think I would flip too," Jihoon laughed, feeling himself become bold as he wrapped his hand around Guanlin's pinky, watching the younger look down at their hands, smiling softly.

 

_"One day we'll be able to hold hands openly, baby"_

 

Jihoon believed Guanlin, smiling to himself as they continued to walk, not caring about anyone because it was just them. Just the two of them, hip to hip and so in love, so happy to be around one another. 

 

"One day I'll hold your hands and walk through these streets, I'll flick anyone off who gives us judgmental stares. One day I'll take you out on a date to Han River, and kiss you so everyone knows you're _mine_ , _and how proud I am to be yours._ One day we'll go to a Bangtan concert together, hand in hand, and I'll make out with you around annoying teenage girls, in front of your idol Kim Taehyung, and I'll show him just how beautiful my boyfriend is. One day we'll look for an apartment together, and I'll say 'hi I'm looking for an apartment for me and my midget boyfr-"

 

_smack_

 

"I'm kidding! I'm kidding! _Correction_ , my beautiful, lovely, cute, smart, talented, sweet, boyfriend," Guanlin gushed fondly, twirling his pinky around Jihoon's small hand that was linked to his. 

 

 

Just how badly Jihoon wishes he could fill the gaps between Guanlin's hands, and interlock his with the younger's, swinging their hands together, walking with no care, because it wasn't a big deal. They were just two people who loved each other, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with that

 

_"Guanlin, I'm so happy we met"_

+

Often Jihoon felt upset, looking at Guanlin, and wondering just why his parents couldn't accept them. Or why they'd look down on Guanlin, just because of his sexuality. Because the Guanlin that Jihoon knew was the most amazing person in the world, regardless of his sexuality, he was a human being who helped Jihoon become the happier, and much better version of himself today 

 

"Stop staring at me," Guanlin furrowed his brows at the elder, stopping from typing his essay

 

Jihoon smirked, feeling brave, "can't, you're too pretty," instead of getting a kiss, Guanlin threw his pillow at Jihoon, "that's fucking gay, don't say shit like that"

 

 

"Guanlin, give me attention!" Jihoon wailed, desperate for Guanlin's touch, ever since the boy's been too invested with his homework for two hours.

 

"No bitch"

 

"Fine I'll go find myself someone else then.." Jihoon sighed, already on his heel to walk out the door, before Guanlin jerked up racing towards the shorter male, pushing him down to the bed. Jihoon was clearly surprised, as Guanlin pinned his wrists above his head, a quite compromising position, blushing under Guanlin's intense stare. So Jihoon could only move his face, before Guanlin placed his finger on Jihoon's cheek to tilt it back to place, letting Guanlin have a full view of his boyfriend

 

"You're so damn gorgeous Park Jihoon, I seriously could never get tired of looking at you.." Guanlin breathed out, nothing but fond in his eyes, dipping his head down to connect their lips. Jihoon immediately responded, eager as well as he draped his arms around Guanlin's neck to pull him closer, _if_ there was even any space available between them

 

Jihoon loved Guanlin so much, he was so infactuated with the younger, it amazed him just how much he couldn't get enough of him. "Why're you so pretty Park Jihoon?" Guanlin murmured against Jihoon's lips, slickly slipping his tongue inside the elder's mouth, lazily exploring Jihoon's mouth. Jihoon enjoyed this so much, not holding back the loud moan that escaped his lips, to which Guanlin happily swallowed, grinning against the elder's mouth

 

 _"Because you make me feel beautiful Lai Guanlin,_ _"_ Jihoon sighed into Guanlin's mouth, wrapping his legs around Guanlin's waist, pulling him closer, causing the younger to land on Jihoon's body, practically glued against each other 

 

Jihoon felt Guanlin bite down on his lip, slowly removing his lips to trail soft kisses down his chin, attaching his lips onto Jihoon's jaw. It's the area that Jihoon felt most sensitive at, and Guanlin knew how crazy it drove the elder, marking the elder's neck as he felt Jihoon's back arch from the pleasure 

 

"I'll really never get tired of kissing you"

 

+

"Do you ever see a future with me?" Guanlin asked, face glued to the floor. Of course the younger always felt insecure, contrary to his bold personality, he constantly feared whether Jihoon was there as a temporary, if he'll move on one day 

 

But Guanlin never doubted his love, because he knew just how much Jihoon loved him

 

Jihoon's head snapped up, tracing his fingers over Guanlin's cheek, seeing the boy with sad droopy eyes, it hurt Jihoon to see him this way

 

" _I don't see myself having a future without you_ "

 

It's the words that made Guanlin's lips quirk into a bright smile, the same smile Jihoon's heart always fluttered to, that resembled a child's. Guanlin was so beautiful, it always made Jihoon wonder why he never noticed in the beginning 

 

"Do you really mean that?" The Taiwanese boy whispered, insecurity laced within his voice, causing Jihoon to kiss his temple, confidently nodding. "Of course baby, you're not temporary for me, you're a _permanent_ , I love you so much, you know that right?" Jihoon softly spoke, grabbing Guanlin's hand, lacing both theirs together. "I-I just, I get these stupid thoughts that you'll get bored of me and leave me to start a serious future for yoursel-"

 

Jihoon quickly cut the younger off, "baby, do you want to know something?" Letting his lips hover over Guanlin's cheek, pressing a soft kiss against it, as Guanlin nodded slowly, "when I kissed that girl Siyeon-" Guanlin's whole body became stiff upon mentioning the girl, it made Jihoon giggle just at how easy it was to rile the younger up, pressing another kiss on his pouting lips, before continuing, "when I kissed her, I only thought about you. I kissed her, but I completely ignored and forgot about her existence because you're all that was on my mind, so don't ever think for a single second that I'll get bored of you. If anything, you'll get bored of me, and you'll find someone more beautiful and funnier and charmin-"

 

"Don't you ever say you're none of those." Guanlin whispered sternly, instantly attaching his lips onto Jihoon's, kissing him with all the passion within his body, holding Jihoon safely and securely on his lap

 

 

" _I feel the most beautiful when I'm with you_ "

 

+

Jihoon couldn't believe the day would come where him and Lai Guanlin would move in together. 

 

Jihoon wouldn't believe that just a year ago, the boy he swore he despised would be the person he'd fall in love with. 

 

_His first love_

 

"Can you nasty fucks not kiss in my house, there's children here!" Guanlin sighed, covering Jihoon's eyes, as the elder slapped it away, while Jinyoung and Daehwi were making out on their brand new couch

 

"Shut up, your couch is blessed now," Daehwi muttered, turning back to grin at Jinyoung, before sweetly kissing him again

 

"More like cursed," Guanlin muttered under his breath, "Jihoon, baby, we're burning that couch, okay?" Jihoon laughed loudly, hugging the taller boy, looking around his new home

 

_But Guanlin was his home from long ago already_

 

"We really have our own place together, our very own place!" Jihoon squeaked in excitement, still not sinking in the fact that they had a very own place to call theirs 

 

"Technically, it's rented-" Guanlin began, before Jihoon flicked his forehead, frowning, "you're so annoying, let me enjoy this moment," the younger smiled widely, carrying Jihoon bridal style, before peppering kisses all over the elder's face, swinging his body around the house, ignoring Jihoon's protests 

 

"Could you guys not act like wild animals in front of us while we're trying to kiss? I'll fucking call animal control," Jinyoung shouted, glaring at Guanlin. 

 

"Well technically...humans are animals-"

 

"Shut up Guanlin!"

+

 

One week passed by in their new home, everything felt surreal

 

"Do you think this would look nice in our kitchen?" Jihoon asked Guanlin, the younger too occupied with Jimin posters, "stop drooling over posters of other men when I'm right here, look at me only!" Jihoon scoffed, walking away from Guanlin, who snapped his gaze away from the very lovely poster of Jimin with fluffy blonde hair 

 

"Baby don't be like that, last time I checked, my lips kiss yours, _not_ Park Jimin's of Bangtan, _as much as I'd like to-"_ Guanlin teased, fuming the elder more, who speed walked away

 

Jihoon may have been a little possessive and jealous, but that's only because he loves Guanlin so much and only wants the younger to have eyes for him. Guanlin found it cute, just how quickly Jihoon would get riled up, his cute nose flaring, cheeks puffed out, Guanlin would coo at him, but they were in public 

 

"We should get these engraved.." Guanlin held up two gold bracelets, watching Jihoon's eyes widen, "Guanlin, do you know how expensive those are? It's okay, we can get something else," Jihoon shook his head, trying to get the bracelets out of Guanlin's grip, who only held them higher, clutching onto them

 

"I don't care baby, it's our first house warming gift, something that'll be a memory, and anything should be priceless for that," the younger reasoned, quickly pecking Jihoon's cheek, making sure no one was around them. Jihoon's cheeks flushed, laying his head on Guanlin's shoulder 

 

"What are you engraving on them?" Jihoon whispered, linking his arm around Guanlin's, not caring if they were in public. Because he loved Guanlin so much, and the love outweighed the negativity the world may cast on them. Guanlin turned down to kiss the top of Jihoon's head, holding onto him tighter, before grinning widely, with his gums and dimple out

 

_"LGL and PJH Forever"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SAD OHMYGGOHSDFHH PLS LEAVE UR THOUGHRS IN THE COMMENT AND SUGGEST AUS FOR MY NEXT FIC UNTIL NEXT TIMEEEE


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